Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Not confused...trying to move forward...

Thanks N72 - H is keeping me a little Hostage too. He uses the kids as a tool to some degree, and I am trying to break free from those ties little by little.

My short term goals at this time is to reduce MY debt and start saving for a different place to live, although I don't like the idea of renting. My kids and I have talked about moving and they don't want to. Honestly I don't want to either, but the memories in and of the house are enough to choke me some days and the only way out I see is to move. So yes, I have been looking at houses trying to see what would be affordable for me alone, and honestly, not really seeing much...hence more of being held hostage to some degree.

I have other goals. I want to get my book keeper certification that I started working on prior BD. It was put on hold with all that I had been dealing with. And I will try to get that back on track by the end of the month. I also want to start packing and decluttering the house as to prepare for a move of some sort (or at least get organized) so a yard sale is in order as well. So that about sums up things....it is just so much work to do.

Try to remember this. No, HE is not. If you're hostage, it's not because of him. Be honest about this one, BRNR. maybe this one could get a slightly higher position in the list? Just a suggestion that might help.

Keep in mind that breaking the ties is not a sudden, "snap!" kind of thing. It's more like moving grains of sand from one side of the hour-glass to the other. At some point, there are more grains on the other side than they are on the side you started with. But it's very gradual. And it takes time and effort. I suggest moving them one at a time, and keep the pace no matter what else you come across. That's how you reach that kind of goal. One grain at a time.

You are still (and I don't blame you one bit) too close to him emotionally. I get it, BRNR. I really do. But it's easier to see from this angle why you snap and bristle and get upset when he makes choices you don't like (re: the kids). He'll do that. It's his mess to make and to pick up later in life. He will and his kids will look for ways to let him pick it up later. For now, you'll need to protect them and help them process what's going on while your H is becoming the butt of all the MLC jokes in town

Go get that certification. It's good to finish things you started, no?

peace,
AJ

New thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2340822&#Post2340822