Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Possible MLC - Opinions Please

2.4, following your sitch, thanks for your input on mine. What are the 37 rules and which two did you break?

Timeline...well my sitch is one where W did/is doing 2 phases...the first phase I didn't know it was mlc, not even on the radar. I thought it was garden variety old high school boyfriend re-connect via fb and EA...but looking back with the 20/20 hindsight, it was the rumblings of replay. In phase 1, our IC and myself cut short the EA and all and things were getting better. I had made a lot of changes, but slipped into old habits. She still hadn't answered all the questions inside and spring of 2011 things started getting "unusual" with her, then by fall she was ready for phase 2 and BD'd me and off to the outer orbits...lol.

If you have a lot of time to kill go to my thread for more info if interested.

Otherwise, Heart's Blessing has the "stages" of mlc from her sitch, should be in the resources at the top of the mlc thread/topic. The more you learn, the better you will get through this, imo. So much it counter-intuitive to "normal" life...but we ain't in Kansas anymore...

Hi CB,

I posted the 37 rules on your thread a couple days ago..I forgot to title them...they are the "memorize now" post with the romantic infidelity quote too.

Thanks T. I just went back and read through them, great stuff and I especially appreciate you highlighting the ones that I have blown it with.

I "blew it" on everyone of them at least once... ... the trick is...figure out what/why/etc, then get back up, lace up your boots and try again!

Thanks T, that is the attitude. I am running the risk based on my research of being the guy in the old saying "when you walk around all day with a hammer, all the world looks like a nail." I need to focus on what I can do better, and let the rest play itself out. I posted some updates on mine and would appreciate your feedback.

So CB. What did I break in the 37 rules.

Gifts - bought small things to cheer wife up.
Discussion about future - although I did not bring up the conversation it was a reaction to something she said that prompted it all.

So just these two things managed to make W become more mean and cold.

Strange thing is the reaction to the gifts was negative because it was thoughtful and not something I did before. It was kind of a 180 for me, but a 180 that broke the rules. Still I don't care as it made me feel better for doing it, and although I will not doing it again for a while I would like to think W one day will think about that small gesture in a positive light.

It would appear wife's latest trick is to go around telling people how miserable life is in our M. In DR it talks about how enablers and family and friends only hear part of the story. Of course they are just hearing what W believes, not that there are so many deeper and major issues causing her to be miserable. I am just the target and the blame for it all. Of course their opinion is 'well if you are miserable you must divorce to be happy again!'

I just did that - and Sitch post #2 pretty much describes my contributions to issues and 180's too. I will keep reading see what I can learn!