This morning was hectic. My H started the day by sending me an email he had drafted for the L asking him to return all the money I had paid him and threatening to sue and to place a complaint with the BB Bureau. He wanted me to sign the letter, and I refused. I said I wasn't happy w the L's delays, but I wasn't going to engage in those threats. I remembered the dark side of my H: he tends to want revenge. He is taken over by anger and does not rest until he gets back at the other person.
I also told him why I thought his claims were not accurate (among them, his statement that the L taken 3 months to get back to me in January of 2012.) His reply showed me he has a completely different perception of what happened last year. To him, he moved out with the idea to get a D. To me, he moved out so we could decide what to do. You guys know his behavior starting in June, but before then (Jan-March) he was visiting/calling every day, super cake eating, saying he loved me and missed me, and that he was pretty sure he would move back in, etc. So all that stuff is erased from his mind.
I replied with my perceived truth (which unless I am crazy, it's pure facts.) Probably not a good idea considering how angry he was. He stopped emailing after that, which is good. Maybe.
We finally got the agreement from the L. Now he needs to review it. I hope things go smoothly in regard to that.
I hope things go smoothly too Tori. I have often heard here, and have witnessed at times in my own sitch, that the rewriting of history is very common for the WAS. It helps give them a reason to be angry and victimized. Their realities are being contested with others. Short-term memory seems to be key for the WAS to survive.
I am excited for you all to meet in the summer...how cool is that? I would love to meet you. I wonder if subguy will show up on his Harely lol
And the book? Tori- I cannot wait for it!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Tori, sorry you have to deal with this. I think I will be going through something similar pretty soon. Yesterday in a conversation with my H about D I’ve heard a couple of comments that made me believe he is talking to some friends and they give him all kinds of advices about D. And it looks like he is misrepresenting the facts. I’m contemplating to set these things strait, but I’m afraid I might push him away and make him feel unworthy.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Busting, I really wish I could meet you too. You are so, so far, though! And it's not like we can keep in touch after we've left this board bc we're not allowed to exchange info :-( But I will always remember you and the impact you had in my life.
BF, the D process can be really tough bc everyone wants to weigh in and no one really has a clue. So the WAS becomes even more confused. I wish my H had hired a L and we had a collaborative D. If you go through it (have to catch up on your sitch) try to go that route. I don't hold myself anymore when I want to set things straight. I say things with kindness and respect, though.
Yes we do all have the same last name. One big family...hope to see you soon Tori!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I think I'm missing something, bc I don't get it. It's like you guys are speaking a secret language :-)
Anyway, got a quick message from my H saying the agreement looks good but that he'll read it one more time. So maybe this is it. I feel this sense of unease. I know it's in anticipation of Friday. Thank goodness I don't have to appear in court. I'll be signing at the L's office on Thursday.
I wonder if my H will end up suing the L or if he's bluffing. Every time I thought he was bluffing (in the past) he ended up doing what he said he was going to do. Hmm.
