...but when you raise your voice during a discussion you are raising it because you are trying to be right, you are fighting to be right!! I know I do this and did it a lot!! This is one of the biggest things I am working on!
I love this - great persepctive and insight!!! Thanks for sharing.
Shisss, best place to be in a really tough situation. You are getting great advice from some of the vets here. Took me a long time to realize that but it really helped when I did.
Guess I am a slow learner - LOL.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
I also mistakenly gave my walk away wife the book and boy did she read it. I woke up the next day to find 15 text messages about how it's not just that simple!!! I've given y'all the short an clean version ;-) Man, do I regret that, but live and learn.
I did that too, on purpose. I had only read the first part about marriages having hope and thought it was so inspirational I went back to book store, bought a copy for H and gave to him. It was mentioned on my thread that H is DB better against me than I am... yeah I gave him the tools. haha
Shiss - you are doing so well. You're really ahead of the game with having started db so early.
You have to protect yourself without taking any direct moves opposing H. I wouldn't worry or ask about OW or what he's using money for, but you'll need to ask about future spending and how you can come to an agreement to protect both of you and alleviate money stresses. Do you have your a separate bank account? If you are using a joint account with both your paychecks being deposited there, get your own account right away then you can agree how much you'll both need to live and funnel your money from the joint pot.
Those early months are really rough. It's a distressing ride, but things do calm down and you kind of get to a "new normal" stage. Just keep working on yourself and you'll learn tons.
Shiss - you are doing so well. You're really ahead of the game with having started db so early.
Agree with this whole heartedley - wish I would have found DB sooner in my sitch.
Shiss - you are doing well in very tough circumstances..... Been there, done that....... It does get a bit easier as things progress and you will continue to hear about GALs.... the reason is because it works and in the end you only have control over yourself and your actions anyway......
Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
I agree with mrtwopointfour. I read all the books I could get. In ILYBINILWY book, besides the 7 steps to saving the R, the author also gives some practical advices on how to cope after receiving ILYBINILWY speech, how to deal with guilt, how to make sense of the end of the R, and many more. I read different books because I get different prospective on the same situation and I find something that feats me.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I wouldn't worry or ask about OW or what he's using money for, but you'll need to ask about future spending and how you can come to an agreement to protect both of you and alleviate money stresses. Do you have your a separate bank account? If you are using a joint account with both your paychecks being deposited there, get your own account right away then you can agree how much you'll both need to live and funnel your money from the joint pot.
man, talk about feeling irrelevant... :p
- don't ask about ow - get your own bank acct - take what money you need/can - protect yourself
Hi Reb, I can see the joint account online, that's how I know his activity, he doesn't know it because I opened my own separate account at the same bank and since I'm still on the joint, I can see the activity. My checks are separate now in my account.
We are not speaking right now, I did the begging, pleading the first two weeks. Now I'm letting him initiate contact as he initially wanted space, I didn't give it, so he decided he wants a D. Now I've backed off and I will talk if he comes to me. Seeing if he will pursue now that I've distanced myself.
Thanks for responding Reb, it's appreciated
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
I had only read the first part about marriages having hope and thought it was so inspirational I went back to book store, bought a copy for H and gave to him. It was mentioned on my thread that H is DB better against me than I am... yeah I gave him the tools. haha 