I enjoy reading your posts. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding the dynamics of your R with your H---why they work the way they do,but it seems to be working for you, so all the power to you!
I agree that it is good you are still making plans & seem to have a PMA about the future whatever it holds. I hope to get there one day, too.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I know it is bizarre, but thanks Turtle....just trying to find the place where I can really detach. It's coming, I just don't know when. Of course, if he moves in with GF that will pretty much speed it up lol! I have been thinking on this particular boundary quite a bit, actually. This past month is what has made me go forward with drawing up the papers. Not filed, but the terms will be set on paper. They will not be any different then those we have now, just legally binding. While I am glad he is happy, his happiness does not come at the cost of my self respect.
This month has also prompted me to file for my dual citizenship and check out other areas where I may want to be. Which I think I posted lol already.
So, I may be going about things bass ackwards, but foe me, I am solid.
H's Bday today and we planned a road trip. Had a great day, drove, chatted, laughed. A few things came up:
We discussed house. I mentioned that when I was done school, I would have my own debts to pay and it would take a few years even if H was paying half mortgage like he offered. He offered to pay full mortgage if necessary until my loans etc were cleared.
We talked about renting house out as rental property, which seems like a possibility, especially if I do not remain in the area. I expressed concern with leaving all the maintenance to H, but he said it would not be a problem. I also said that I had issues with him living in this house with someone else even if he were to take it over. He said he understood, so that wouldn't be an option.
We also discussed our relationship and he said he told a friend, who did not understand how we could be friends, that we still love each other, care for each other, but could not have made the marriage work as the people we were. That we talk all the time and are friends. H also mentioned that he would like to go on another cruise, this time do things differently in terms of our relationship...
He also mentioned that he would be back to ski hill with volunteer next year. While he did not mention GF, it was implicit that she would be skiing with him.
Also, he mentioned that he wasn't sure whether he was renewing lease on small apt. he has, that he really likes it there. So whatever thoughts he is having are not solidified.
And my beat goes on. All in all a positive day...I was funny, charming, listened, validated, said things like "what do you think?" Or "sounds like a good idea" rather than argue for the sake of arguing.
Texted H when I got home and said "Thanks, I had a good time" He texted back "I had a great time. Best birthday in years!!"
H indicated that I could take as much time as I want to complete Master's...there was no rush. I said thanks, and that would be fine if we were together, but we aren't. I have to be able to support me, I do not like to rely on you. I can't do that sort of thing.
All in all, a successful trip. Frequently, when H and I eat out or have coffee, the server will ask if it is separate bills. Today, were in coffee shops and restaurants on three different occasions and all three assumed we were together. Says something for a nice, peaceful interaction
I have to clarify the apt. thing. This is in regards to him possibly moving in with GF. His apt. is currently too small for two. He has mentioned moving, but only mentioned moving in once. He did say that GF thought it was too soon...at least someone may be thinking lol!
O don't get my H either, but I do facilitate the behaviour by being friends like this. I am also glad there were not any kinds of physical activity whatsoever lol! Moving into a solid friendship while he figures his life out is the best bet for all.
I don't know what he wants, I don't think he really knows either. But that's cool. Because I know what I want, and that is all that matters. I want to move ahead, finish degree and work in a field that I love! I want to depend on me, not H.
It would be much easier if H was a$$hole lmao! He is frustrating for sure, but not a jerk (well, no more than any of us are, sometimes)
Ruby, you said it: "But that's cool. Because I know what I want, and that is all that matters. I want to move ahead, finish degree and work in a field that I love! I want to depend on me, not H."
That's exactly what you need to do.
When my H behaves like a jerk, it's a lot easier to detach. You're right :-)
