And make sure whatever discussions you and your wife have, are documented in writing,
even if informally, such as "this email/note is to confirm our talk today wherein I agreed to pay you "X" and share son more..."
etc.
Understood?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hello everybody, Finally spring has arrived here. It was snowing a couple of days ago, but now the temperatures got up, so everybody is in high spirits after such a long winter. It happens at the right time, because W needs to answer to my last email concerning finances. My question was not that complicated, and if she is taking so long, it's because she must be asking advice to her dad (lawyer) and her dad's colleagues on what to reply. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to try and read her intentions.. My question was : what do you think is the considered property. And I also gave her a couple of reasons why the spousal support should cease and asked how she saw things. Nothing threatening or pushy really. It's been a week already and still no answer..
On my end, I have gathered all the documents from our apartment sale, the bank accounts before marriage and at the date of separation. I haven't disclosed any of it yet, but I want to play it clear and open. If she has accepted to discuss about money things, it will be less obvious that she will accept to give S 50% of the time, or even discuss it. Any idea how I should introduce the subject? Something like : btw, since we're talking money, shouldn't we talk also about S time increase towards my 50%? How do you think is a good way to talk her into giving me S half the time? My visits overnight went super well, really I mean, what was everybody expecting? S to go back with bruises and famished? Honestly...
Anyways, any suggestions would be appreciated, Happy spring to all, Bruce
Me:34 ; W:28 Son: almost 2. Married : 14 March 2009 DBomb : 18 June 2012 Separated since Jan 2012 (different countries) Same country and city since July 2012
Bruce, learn the laws about separation of assets. follow the laws. everything you need to know is online somewhere. or ask your lawyer.
very little in divorce is left to feelings, or what one person wants. Although, If you choose to give more than required then you can overwrite the laws.
there are calculations for division of assets, spousal support, child support etc. in NJ you must be married for more than 5 years to get spousal support. child support payments are based on division of time and differences in income. anything she brought into the relationship is hers, anything you brought in is yours. anything you bought while married is to be divided.
again, learn your laws or ask your lawyer.
ignore the amount of time she is taking, or the reasons why. use the time to your advantage. she has the right to take as long as she wants.
learn patience.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Hello everybody, Finally spring has arrived here. It was snowing a couple of days ago, but now the temperatures got up, so everybody is in high spirits after such a long winter. Great! Lots of fun things to do with your son.
It happens at the right time, because W needs to answer to my last email concerning finances. My question was not that complicated, and if she is taking so long, it's because she must be asking advice to her dad (lawyer) and her dad's colleagues on what to reply. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to try and read her intentions.. We suggested, repeatedly, that you post your proposed emails HERE FIRST before you send something to your wife.
Every time you send something and THEN tell us after the face, we tend to find the tone insulting or condescending, and you never seem to realize how you come off...but you go ahead and send what YOU WANT TO SEND WHEN YOU WANT...
so it's frustrating to think that nothing we say will be followed unless it happens to be agreeable to you anyhow, which means you'd have done it anyhow...
My question was : what do you think is the considered property. And I also gave her a couple of reasons why the spousal support should cease and asked how she saw things. Nothing threatening or pushy really. It's been a week already and still no answer.. You told her you want to give her LESS...and you think that's something she just ought to agree to (UNLESS she's talking to her lawyer father, which anyone in her shoes would do). But you know, Maybe SHE thinks she ought to get what the court ordered.
What exactly were your arguments as to why she ought to get less? What persuasive points did you make, that you are not telling us about?
On my end, I have gathered all the documents from our apartment sale, the bank accounts before marriage and at the date of separation. I haven't disclosed any of it yet, but I want to play it clear and open. ^^seems contradictory. Bruce what are you trying to do? I mean, obviously your focus is on paying her less. We get it.
But why would she agree to that? It's one thing to say "let's save money for our son and NOT give it to the lawyers" but I don't hear you saying that. I hear you saying you deserve more and she deserves less.
You still have not even admitted that you owed her money from before, you are paying arrears...that's "back pay"...so I am not sure how objective you are capable of being in this situation. Really, I'm not sure you hear us.
If she has accepted to discuss about money things, it will be less obvious that she will accept to give S 50% of the time, or even discuss it. Any idea how I should introduce the subject? You need to rephrase this^^ b/c i literally can't understand what you are saying here. But for once, try posting HERE BEFORE you send it to her so we can help you sound more appealing.
Something like : btw, since we're talking money, shouldn't we talk also about S time increase towards my 50%? OMG NO!!...the two are NOT connected in anyone's mind...but yours...
Good grief, Stop that now. It reeks Bruce. You MUST HEAR US...you sound as if you believe that time with him is leverage and I'm telling you that I now believe it.
How do you think is a good way to talk her into giving me S half the time? My visits overnight went super well, really I mean, what was everybody expecting? S to go back with bruises and famished? Honestly...
Be careful what you ask for Bruce...
Anyways, any suggestions would be appreciated, Happy spring to all, Bruce
post to us before you send any more of your requests to her...
your demands are transparent and probably offensive to her and her family
that's my take on it, since you asked.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
they married in France and they all now live in Canada. So our laws are not as instructive as we wish. But equitable division and standard of living and care of the child will still be the priorities.
Child support there, as it does here, always relates to what the parent(s) earn, or can earn, b/c our children are seen as the "natural objects of our bounty"....
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you so much. Especially those who have been faithfully following or posting from time to time. I hope one day I can be of such help to others in distress.
I'm doing my "homework", but one often doesn't realize is that I'm slowed down by my own intricate feelings and emotions. I can't read about separation laws without having to stop and sigh, and ponder what a waste it is, etc...
Now, my sentiment is one of trying to move on, not to get W back at all costs, so it's better. Still.
Oh well, just to say that this thread is coming to a close, as is a chapter of my struggle, and a new one is being opened (called "Good Old England").
