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Weirdness abounds.

So H has been overly overly nice. He told me about Ow's mom who has been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease. He was really confiding in me and I don't know why? Why? Why would I feel sorry for OW? Yes it's a sad situation but I don't pity her for it. It's life and sometimes life isn't fair or nice. I get the feelin she is as much of a drama queen as H.
He also told me that his car needs over $850 of repairs to fix the powersteering. He is torked off. He also asked me what items I plan on taking with me when I leave. He kept going on and on about how he didn't know how he was gonna make it. How he was gonna be able to swing it. Hmmm...not my problem.

Weirdness. I just don't get it. He sometimes acts like I am his best friend and confidant. Am I the OW to the OW? Lol!!

I think I need to go to bed!

WH

Wishing,
I'm glad he's being nice, but please do not let your guard down. Generally, when they are nice, they are either up to something or are planning to do something. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but I'm speaking from experience...these mlcers are very sly.

Oh, man, he's pouring on the woe is me and telling you about ow's mother. BTW, I'm sorry she's been diagnosed with that particular disease. I lost a good vet to that in September. To me, it's the long goodbye. I think it's interesting that he shared this info and told you about his cary needing repairs. Sounds like he's trying to play on your sympathies...don't take the bait.

All I can advise you to do is be vigilant when he's being overly nice.

Enjoy your weekend.

I'm with Snodderly on this one (too). MLCr's can be extremely manipulative and persuasive to try and get what they feel they want. Not that they'll be happy about it, but that's beside the point.

Keep your guard up.

As for the confidant, I doubt you're the OW in that sense. But there's no harm in being a safe place to talk if that works for you. If it doesn't, then don't right? For me, I learned to see if the "niceness" would last to see if it was manipulation or other. I can tell you in the years I've been doing this, that not one nicety has lasted longer than one encounter. In fact, if I think about, mine has said/shown one nicety in the last 5-6 years toward me. And that was when my grandfather died. Briefly. Once. That was the only time she didn't "want" something from me.

Quick note. In case you wondered if the kids ever notice the oddities etc: had a conversation with my son when I picked up him from her house yesterday. Keep in mind she lives less than a mile from me now but refuses to ever give him a ride for some reason. Her H (OM) had some cousins visiting checking out colleges in the area. There are a lot in my area of NC. It's also my ex's and my birthday (same day) next week, so they were having cake. My son is a sucker for cake and wanted to stay for dinner. I was asking him about his day etc, and he mentioned ex's husband's daughter (she won't talk to him for what he's done to her family). I didn't realize how close in age she is to my ex, and my son was a bit weirded out by the whole thing. That's the first time he's really said much, but he finds it a bit creepy that his mom's H is old enough to be his grandfather. He gets a bit creeped by his mom as well because of how she treats him.

My point is that they notice and are not happy about it. They notice all along and for some reason I was a little surprised at his comments (I don't pay much attention to OM or his family - that may explain it). And they rationalize it differently than you might imagine as they process it. It's a great idea to show them how to handle it and guide them as time goes on. Again, don't let your guard down. Kids need a way to process what's happening too (just a friendly reminder - I wish I had more of those reminders at times, myself.) I know you have been, but wanted to encourage you to keep that focus even in the midst of the craziness.

Peace,
AJ

Hey WH!

Even though my H is not as crazy/mean as many of the pod people I read about around here, he definitely has manipulation down to a T.

I usually put his niceness into one of three categories:

1. He wants something
2. He feels guilty about something that he's done
3. He feels guilt about something he's going to do.

Niceness towards the kids is different - I see a lot of genuine emotion there.

And there are times where he seems to almost forget that I'm the grumpy old troll that lives under the bridge (Dora reference alert!), and is actually friendly and nice.

But you gotta watch your back - always. Because as soon as you let your guard down, that's when they put the knife right in.

If the OW is truly worried about her father, maybe she should be focusing on him instead of having an A with a married man. Just sayin.

Hope you're having a good day

Thanks guys. I don't know what he wants. He gets on his soap box about "poor me" and "poor OW". I don't think he was really confiding in me. I just think he wanted to talk because he felt honestly likes to hear himself talk and I was "cornered" so to speak. Yikes!!!

I think he is trying to soften me up for what I take from the house and also he doesn't want to pay me maintenance. You all are correct in that he wants something or that he has an agenda. You better believe I have my guard up. There is no way I am letting my guard down. I'm not falling for his pity party. I just can't believe he would talk about OW's family issues like that with me. Number one like I care and number two would OW like that? I would be ticked if H was discussing my family issues with her. Boundaries!!!

I have noticed he has dropped the rope in some aspects. He doesn't wash every dish by hand now. He leaves them in the sink so I put them in the dishwasher. He asked me to do D's hair for dance this morning. He isn't trying to keep the kids from me. Now that things are almost settled with the kids he is going to start traveling again. So you were all right. The "Mr. Mom-ness" isn't lasting.

I took my chain maille class on Thursday and now I am hooked. I am planning on taking another. My social calendar is filling up nicely. Later today I am meeting my friends from DivorceCare for coffee and tomorrow is S's party so that will go quickly. Making cookies right now for S to take to school tomorrow. Watching "It's Complicated" and it's hitting a little too close to home. At least I'm laughing about it.

WH

Funny. That reminded me of my ex and how she would talk about the other guy like that. It came across as a lot of confused feelings, but I am reminded of that when you mention it. She was complaining that this other guy's wife was jealous of her and she couldn't understand it. The strange things that they do...

Very happy to hear about the chain maille class going well and especially about the social calendar. That's very good news!


Did you say cookies?

Peace,
AJ

Oh yes. Cookies. Lots and lots of cookies. S likes me to make Monster cookies. Two sticks of butter, a pound of brown sugar, 2 cups of regular sugar, 9 cups of oats, a pound and a 1/2 of peanut butter, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, peanut butter chips, and M&ms. They are huge and decadent and a huge hit at S's school.

Fortunately it makes a huge batch so there is enough for school and for home.

WH

So tired tonight. I feel like I may be coming down with something. I hope not.

Met my friends for coffee and dinner and it was nice to get out and chat with a group of people. We are doing it again in about a month or so. My calendar is ready starting to fill up.

D had fun at her friend's birthday party. We found out today that D will need to have specific makeup and hair for her recital next month. She wants H to do it. Lol! That will be rich. But whatever. He already told her he will have to have mommy help with that because he doesn't know what he is doing. Her hair needs to be in a specific style because they are attaching a hairpiece. H will have a meltdown. And it's not my weekend so ha ha ha! Lol!

Noticed H staring at me tonight. I hate that. I looked at him like "what?" and he just shook it head and looked away. Weird.

Off to bed. Long day tomorrow.

WH

Morning all.

Today is the day of the party. So this morning I was wrapping presents for S with D (H allowed her to actually be around me today even though it's his time). Now I have bought all of S's gifts save three. His soccer shoes (which S asked me to get but H insisted he buy), an R/C helicopter and an iPod speaker. I am wrapping the speaker and I noticed it reads on the package for iPhone 4 and 5. So I ask H if he is sure it will work with an iPod? He says oh just take it back. I have the receipt here somewhere. So he screws up and I have to take it back? No I'm not surprised. Just irritated. Now I am short a gift for S. Oh well, I'll make it up to him somehow. And H made sure that we are opening all the gifts today even though tomorrow is actually S's birthday. Why? Because H won't be here tomorrow.

Not angry, just annoyed. Venting. Moving on.

WH

Those cookies sound AWESOME!! Wow. I'll have to try that recipe.

Annoyance? I can see that. It is annoying. Glad you're able to vent and move along.

Staring, eh? Yeah, I remember those. My suggestion? Ignore vs. looking back. You might not do that with somebody in the grocery store, but this is a little different, right?

I still have cookies on the brain. Hope the party is a blast!

Peace,
AJ