Well, if you check out the latest on my sitch...my H is all about getting the most physical touch he can...
The goal of coffee doesn't mean you just go and ask. You then write what things/actions you need to do to make that happen.
But, you really haven't backed off for months. Each time you R talk and temp check you set the clock back a zero. I literally have no brought up an R talk in 3-4 months. Always brought up by H.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
T... can you please explain the coffee/action goal/steps further?
I meant backed off of hugs/pursuit for months... I know I have failed on the temp checks/ R talks.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"as much as I would love to have a coffee with him, isn't that pursuit? I would love to pursue, but DR tells us not too. I'm confused."
No it's a goal. You detach, then you execute your strategy. Eventually you're going to have to do something. HOWEVER, you haven't detached at all, so you'll go in with "expectations". Detach enough so that if he doesn't respond, you'll be okay.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
ADVICE PLEASE ~~ Im very annoyed today. Althought it is Easter, I had an out of town scheduled client appointment for today. H knew about this. I called him at lunch to ask what time would be suitable for him to make this appointment. No answer. I called again at 1:00, no answer. This is making my stomach turn. He is screwing with my business. This behaviour would not fly if I ignored his calls re: business. How do I approach/deal with this. Thank Gawd, my client hasn't called yet, but now I have nothing to offer my client as I cannot reach h! Its making me sick to my stomach, wondering what he is doing that he cannot answer the phone. Recall, HE is MR. ALL ABOUT BUSINESS, ALL OF THE TIME !!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I dunno... he just texted to ask about client appt. I called him back and apparantly he didn't get my calls.. ?? hmm.. But, I did ask about his whereabouts for last night, as earlier this week he mentioned he was supposed to meet his friends new GF. So I asked. He said he didnt meet her, but went out with his friend for a little while & then came home. This makes me feel better. I was having "bad thoughts"... (mind reading)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
so then he calls back, about "business".. the convo leads a little personal as I mentioned that "he wants to get along" and its hard to know what that means when on Sundays I feel avoided, or that work is avoided. I asked him what does "getting along look like" and he says, I dunno, don't corner me... I want to get along, not hate eachother, and have a life.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
PLEASE HELP... can I call or text back to say "i just dont know what you are doing for us to "get-along"... I feel like I'm expected to do all the work.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
When you asked him what getting along looked like, it sounded to me like you were letting your irritation show. Don't ask him stuff like that. It can easily come across as you provoking a fight. I know this is VERY frustrating for you. Try to not let it get to you.
Also, it is impossible for you to figure out why he doesn't answer your texts of calls. Try to stay away from filling in the blanks yourself. The odds of you guessing the correct reason are extremely low, and you will only make yourself feel worse by coming up with a worst case scenario. There is nothing to be gained from it.
I wish you had taken the day off today. It would have been an easy one to have off. Try to do something fun with your time instead of worry about your relationship with your husband. I'm headed out to play with our girls.
P2..., was that another backslide for me?... he did feel pressured don't you think? Does my next comment fix it? Should I text/call him and say that? (prob not huh?)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I guess my point today was that I was trying to establish a boundary. Trying to understand if we are expected to work on Sundays, or only when HE feels we should. I was trying to let him know that I was annoyed not being able to reach him. Trying not to walk on eggshells and express myself without getting mad or in a fight (somewhat succeeded this). I don't know if my message was heard (as i usually repeat myself to make sure I am heard...i did not do this). Instead of askng him what "getting along means to him" which put him in a corner, I wish I had asked "what are YOU doing to get along with me?"
I sure hope this isn't a backslide that sets my clock back to ZERO... or is it a bit of a 180?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
