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Help with this dilemma. On the one hand, I am trying to follow Sandi's tips.No R talk.No pressure. Moving on etc...However, on the other, h continues a with ow.That is a deal breaker to me. it is disrepctful to me and my children. i would like to give him time to figure this out, but he only wants out of the marriage. I don't want D.This has been gong on coming up on a year.He has moved to an apt. since 11/12.He has moved back home on a couple of occasions only to leave again.
M48,H50
M21,T26
S19.S16,D15-cp special needs
EA,PA discovered 7/12
h move out 11/12
return home 2/13,left again 2 weeks later
h wants an amicable D

Go as DARK as possible and let him worry about the DIVORCE.

willbwell,

Did you read DB or DR? There is no conflict between the rules and your boundaries. The boundaries are what YOU are willing to accept. For example, you don't let him talk down to you, etc. You do what YOU can control.

I know that I can only control my actions/reactions. I am no longer bringing up any R talk. very hard for me. When he initially told me he wanted a D, I said I would not file under irreconcilable differences. If I filed it would be because of adultry/mental cruelty.(hurt and angry at time) He did not like this. I later said I would not file period.I do not want to be divorced. I want my H to figure it out and come back to us. Some days I am so patient and think surely he will see what he is doing.other days I think that maybe I am not facing reality. For now, I choose the side of hope!
Thank you for reading my posts and your replies!

H was here tonight. While I was getting D ready for bed she said she didn't want dad to live at apt. I try to change subject, she continues. Eventually I say that is something she will have to talk to dad about. He heard her. it is just so not right. i know life is not fair...It is unbelievable to me that there are so many of us out there. Its just like when I entered the world of "special needs children" I had no idea of the magnitude.

"I do not want to be divorced. I want my H to figure it out and come back to us."

That is a notion you need to get rid of. You can't control him and need to detach.

I know it is, it is just so hard. I am doing all the right things for me and my children ( GAL, focusing on self, children)I know my positives!
I know I can't control him. I know I should have no expectations( I tell myself many times a day!)When he is around I am cheerful but busy.
I want to be well,at peace and happy.Know that I can be, just having a hard time with the fact that it might not include him.
My birthday is this week.Last year my bday card was so beautiful.I don't get how we go from that to nothing?my reality. I know, I can choose to mope or make it a special day for myself! ok, Ill choose the latter.

My goal for April.. Go as dark as possible. For the most part H only comes around on the weekends. I do a good job of staying busy. When he's here, I go run errands.Sometimes he asks my plans for the day and I tell him. other times not, so I don't volunteer the info.I'm friendly. Can't be pissed off because that would make it easier for him to deal with his choices.
Regardless of our ultimate outcome, we will always have to be in contact because of our daughter.

My son at college is most bothered about the situation. My son at home says it does not bother him, dad was never here anyway due to travel with job. I don't buy it...My son at home lost both dad and brother this year, now he i s stuck at home with me and his sister1