Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I'm trying real hard to be the Shepard.

Mtnman, think about it...it's not the texting you hate...it's that she isnt communicating with YOU!

I went through my hating texting stage too...showing how rude it was, begging H to stop at times, demanding to see the phone ... all that.

I couldn't beat it ... so I joined it!

One day, Mtnman, one day, she may want to text with you! Heck if she likes doing it...use it to your advantage!

My H and I text a lot. I don't overtext, just like the occasional spurts. Sometimes we text in the same room with one another or if our boys are around and it's casual...just to share funny stuff. And our boys both have phones so we are constantly sharing/texting pics with one another.

It's just a great way to communicate.

I say, if W likes doing it, don't hate it. Just wait and be responsive as to opportunities to text with her. At your stage, I wouldn't recommend flirty texts, and even now my flirting is very casual....not serious if you know what I mean.

It's so fun as you get closer, so just recognize...the "hating" is the sitch and the limbo. Texting is just a way of communication.

Just my 2 cents.

Btw, when I mention I have frustration with phone issues now is b/c I still don't ask or know what H does on his phone. Nowadays he usually offers info (I'm texting so-and-so about such-and-such or looking up this or that) but I don't ask what he is doing and I don't act interested AT ALL.

I look away if I'm near him by accident and he is looking at it.

I've come to terms with it. And I really don't think in a healthy R you always have to say EVERYTHING. I just mean by the above post that you can use this "evil" to your advantage.

I understand rH. We do, and have texted lots. The reason I have such a hatred for it is because of how she's abused it.

Stayed out of work today with S6 who is still sick. Used my time to find a couple of dirt bikes for the boys. Went and picked them up after school and rode a few minutes. W may have us in limbo, but our children only grow up once (if all goes as planned). Looking forward to sharing lots of good times and building memories with my Ss. Fun hobby they can enjoy the rest of their lives.

Mtnman, I'm so sorry S6 is still sick.

I'm glad you got the dirt bikes. That IS a great activity to bond with your sons on. I'm so glad you are continuing to do things for yourself and the boys. You're the anchor right now and have to remain strong.

How did they like the d.b.'s?

They are super excited about them. We were able to ride about 30 minutes yesterday, and they can't wait to ride today. W was happy about it too. She commented that this (the bikes/males leaving her alone) is what we've needed. Stated to me and boys that we can go ride more while she gets nails and does girl stuff. I took it as a positive comment.

I miss my family today. Our anniversary is in a week and I would normally be making plans by now. Sadly, I won't be celebrating this year.

I still feel like I'm in a dream. We were never going to have to go through this. We were the envy of all others. Our S's wouldn't know what separation and divorce involved.

I still see/hear positive signs, but there's always a negative to balance it out. I'm only able to detach by being angry at my W. I have to be angry at my W in order to try to keep her. That's just not right.

Hi Mtnman!

The milestones can be really tough, especially the anniversary. Has she said anything about it at all?

It's hard to believe we are here on this forum. Many of the sitches here are like you described you two were...perfect harmony before. That is what helps me believe its a transitional process. A growth. And growth is so often painful.

How is the dirt bike riding going? Has the weather prevented that?

Thanks rH. No mention of the anniversary and it isn't listed on our house calendar. All anniversaries are announced at church on Sundays so she'll have to acknowledge it there.

I envy your H wanting to sleep next to you. That's what I miss the most. W hated when I traveled and couldn't wait til I got home. She could never sleep well without me. I don't sleep as well without her either.

Dirt bikes are going great. We rode all evening today after supper. Weather has been really nice here. Going on a field trip with S9 tomorrow. Looking forward to that.

According to W she hasn't been sleeping well lately. Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep. This morning she went into work late and came over and crashed here at home for a few hours.

rH, two quick stories about flirting. I saw one of Ws friends xh. His new wife has a tattoo that is the same as her friend (his xw). I mentioned this to W and got a glare. Said what are you doing keeping up with what tattoos her friends have, do you want me coming on to your friends. I laughed and just said, well it was simply noticing the similarity. She responded, you just want me coming on to you. I laughed again and she did too.

Today she made a castle like figure out of blocks while playing with the boys. She looked straight at me and asked if I noticed the top of the castle. It was a fallic symbol. I smiled and said I did. She kept looking at me and laughing. It is really torture for her to do that, and I don't understand why she does. Is it purely to have fun, or is she doing a touch and go to make sure I stay close?

These dirt bikes are lots of fun. If I'm not riding, there's always something that needs to be worked on, or maybe I find something even if its not there. W commented how I was turning into my granddad with how much I like tinkering on things.

I know I've said this before, but aside from the physical part, we are really the same in our interactions. At times it's as if my old life is right there if I would just reach out and take it.

Hi Mtnman!

That must be confusing when she teases you on one hand with her "artwork" and then is annoyed if you notice some tattoos on her friends.

It reminds me what snodderly is always saying...that they want you to be right where they left you, but THEY are moving on.

I think it's good you laugh about things together, although I know the tension is always underneath. And I know you are frustrated. And the question is always there inside, "how long is this gonna last?" I'm so sorry it's so difficult.

I'm glad you have the d.b.'s. It may be a compliment from W about tinkering. I know I've always appreciated and admired men who can take care of and fix things.


This dynamic was much the same in my sitch. It's why my H could say, in the height of replay, that he felt the same about me as he ever did.

Mtnman, are you prepared emotionally for Sunday with the anniversary announcement in church and perhaps some comments from meaning-well folks? Have you decided on a card or anything?