Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Not confused, still emotional, getting very angry

How bout, "got it, thanks". If you want to. No reason to let him take your temp if you don't want him to. Especially not if you consider his email less than sincere.

I responded very short and sweet...

"I did. I appreciate all the time you put into it to express your feelings. I am not sure what to say right now. If you have anything further to say, please let me know."

His email is definitely insincere...and the fact that he is pressed on it makes me wonder if he is feeling pressure from OW to "do something".

But anyhow, back burner it goes...I really don't feel I need to respond to it as he is on a fishing expedition to figure what is going on with me, and it really shouldn't matter.

He has all the keys to be able to start the divorce if he wants to, without my input or our "discussing things"...What will be, will be.

His response…get ready for it…

“Ok good. Didn’t know how to take the silence. Didn’t want to assume anything. I will. Thanks.”

I'm not surprised. Mlces can't stand for us to be angry w/them, even though they've pushed our buttons. They want to know that mommy and daddy are there for them at all times, right where they left us. Even though they want to walk all on their own, they still like to know that the apron string is still there in case they need to tug on it.

Poor man...he just doesn't get it yet.

Here is to hoping he does...

My god is that true !!!

2 days ago my XW just announced to me and our kids that she is now in a serious relationship.
My poor little kids are devastated but I am helping them through it.

XW contacted me to help them though all of this. I said I would, which I think shocked her. She indicated how appreciative she was and that it's no surprise given that fact that I am such a fantastic father.
She then went on to say she was sorry for hurting me and the kids and what great parents we were.
...And then signed the email with (((hugs)))

Nice hu ???

I had the kids last night, a day after she told them about her new relationship.
My poor little guy was crying etc. but was very open with me about his feelings.
As expected I got an email from my XW this morning asking how the evening with the kids went?
I explained we had a really great evening until bedtime when my 8 year son was crying. I told her how positive, supportive and strong I was for my son etc.

Her response "thats great news, thank you for doing that, I will speak to him further"

Well, either this is the greatest divorce ever or the most ridiculous divorce ever.

It kind of [censored] being told how awesome you are, seeing the kids in horrific pain but focused on a new relationship, instead of ours.

Bomb was 5 years ago.

Thought you might enjoy the story...

Hey B,

Just catching up (as usual!)

Why is it that so many MLCers decide to send letters. My xSO certainly hasn't had the urge.

Is he temperature taking? Yep, I think so.

So, here is my question to you: Do you still want the chance to save your marriage or are you done?

I think the way you respond to him, if at all, should reflect that choice. I liked Snodderly's response (if you choose to respond to him further) but I have to say, if you want the chance to save your marriage (and quite frankly, show your kids what integrity and strength mean in dealing with someone who has wronged you), your best bet is to put the anger aside.

Do I know how hard that is....oh, yes, I do! I have a nasty temper - like a volcano! But, B, in your posts you are still saying that you hope he gets it and that tells me you are not done yet. Stick to your boundaries and your growth.

And then come and talk to us when you want to vent.

Portia, I am somewhat angry, yes, but I did not think my responses really showed that. In fact, I have gone to really say nothing to him as I thought that was the best thing.

But yes, I would like to try and save my marriage. So, any advice on what I should not do, that I have been, would be greatly insightful as I did not see I was expressing it to him rather than here on the board.

Thanks for the perspective though.

So, I tried to be friendly to H when he picked up the boys. Surprisingly he was friendly back and told me some truth of his whereabouts last night. Don't ask how I know, but I do.

So back on the path I go.

Feeling really overwhelmed and low this morning...

Venting-

So, I had a few hours to live the single life last night. I went out with some friends, met some new people, and had a few drinks.

Everything we do is a learning lesson. What did I learn?
That I am not over H. And that I would rather have a family life than the single lifestyle any day.

So how ironic is that, that the man that I want the family life with and love, doesn't want me, and instead wants to move on with his life as is. I'll tell you...truly depressing and hurtful.

I have gotten the push from my friends to move on and get back out there and not take this tortuous nightmare any longer. All giving me their great advice and words of wisdom, of how things would never be the same, how I could never trust him, and how he would just probably break my heart again.

How I feel about all this, is that it is probably all true.

So what is one to do? I guess nothing, keep living the daily life, put faith in God that he has a plan, and let the chips fall where they may.

Life does sure throw us twist and turns at any given moment, and I am really waiting for the twist in my favor to come around in this situation.

So Portia, as you said, my end goal would be to save may marriage, but I am wavering on how realistic that goal is.

Anyone want to try and give me clarity...I am feeling alone in this world, with no one who truly understands other than my DB family here. What do I need to do, what should be my next step in my journey?

GAL was fine, but I think the overkill last night overwhelmed me and set me back in some ways.
Detaching...I think I am good here, not great, but good. I know longer wonder his motives, what he is doing, where he is, or rely on him for anything other than to take care of his kids and his responsibilities financially.

I want a family lifestyle, with a husband. How do I do that? Myself and my children come first, always, but how do I regain my family status in this world?

Sorry for the rant this morning...