Personally, I feel that if my wife of nearly 30 years can give up on us, then anyone could bail on their spouse at any time. Kinda ruined the whole idea of everlasting true love and commitment for me.
FY, I've been thinking about this theme a lot lately.
I saw it compared on another thread to finding out Santa isn't real.
I didn't grow with that notion that Santa was ever real, but H's parents went to great lengths to perpetuate that and when H found out the truth he was devastated. He then wondered long about what else the adults weren't telling him about life.
He has brought this up a few times. He then said that was a motivating reason he had to start replay activities was to find out what other people were experiencing as such happiness that he didn't have.
Then ... its like the Oz movie...everything he always wanted was right here at home anyway.
So...FY, I am totally with you about losing the dream of true love. I've actually had a few weeks of fear here about H dying. It's so awesome to have and hold someone you thought you would never touch again. It made me afraid of losing him forever in death. At least, in MLC you have the chance the spouse will come back.
That fear has mostly passed and I'm concentrating on living happily again.
FY, I always like your sense of humor. And you obviously don't need a woman on your arm to have a sense of who you are. Although, you want W back, you really don't NEED her back. You don't need her to define who you are.
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
[quote=Tori]My wife seems to be slooooowly getting more comfortable around me. More eye contact, more at ease, slightly more willingness to open up or do stuff together. Progress is very slow, so it's hard for me to tell for sure
I think this is good news. I noticed in November/ December, despite the fact we were heading for D, there was a slow progress of H's interest in me. Looking back now at our texts recorded on iPhone, I can see this was true. I wasn't just imagining it. Some flirting, interest in mutual activities, positive mutual history comments, etc.
So...maybe W is warming up to you just a but. Remember she is a feral cat. Don't scare her off! It's probably a great timing in your sitch for your class to start.
I also like the news little sister moved back in with her H. I'm pretty sure W is taking notes although not saying so.
My H mentioned many things that were said/done to him of people encouraging him to look at the sitch or his life in general, in a new way. I thought he ignored all these comments but he actually was processing them. I expect your W to be doing the same.
Keep going, rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
FY, I agree that the slow improvement is still improvement, so that is awesome news.
When I asked about the 180's, I was wondering what areas of your personality you want to improve and what behaviors you want to change. Have you pinpointed your role in what is happening?
When I asked about the 180's, I was wondering what areas of your personality you want to improve and what behaviors you want to change. Have you pinpointed your role in what is happening?
Oh, so you want to hear about the ugly side of wonderful me, do ya? OK, you asked for it!
I used to get aggravated when she called me at work, or talked to me while on the computer at home, pushing her away. (ouch, that hurts so much to think about now.)
I would angrily cuss over little aggravating things like dropping an object, or a shoelace coming untied. Now she does this!
I would complain about dangerous drivers and go on about my superior "safe" techniques.
I wasn't assertive enough... didn't "Drive the boat". (her words) This one I've been questioning as time goes on. Seems I was more assertive than I first thought, but I'm still stepping it up.
I refused to wear my wedding ring, even after years of her requesting that I do.
I didn't pay close enough attention to her needs/desires.
I didn't work well with her in the kitchen, or on other projects.
So, these are some of my personality issues that I didn't like, and have done 180's on. Does she notice? The wall she has put up and the extra space between us makes it slow going.
Is it helping? I think so. Time will tell!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, it looks like you've pinpointed the behavior that wasn't serving your M. Was this behavior that wasn't serving you? Because if you are changing something only because of the M, you are likely to revert to the old behavior. Follow your inner guide when deciding what really needs to change.
BTW, it looks we'll be throwing a Boston DB party on 7/13 at noon. Hope you can be there too.
