Spartan, I have a question. Have you ever intentionally tried to push someone's buttons?
I could write a book on how my W pushes my buttons!! She knows it's going to make me mad, but she does it anyway, then when I do get mad she acts surprised and upset that I get angry "so easily" which is yet another form of pushing my buttons. So she pushes buttons to get me started, then pushes more to aggravate the sitch. I have no idea why she does it. Attention? She felt hurt so wanted me to hurt too? She was bored? Who knows. I'm usually pretty even-keeled, so I tended not to react too much when she pushed my buttons. But those times I did react, she would go into a button-pushing frenzy, LOL!
Just a couple of examples of her button-pushing:
I'm colorblind and purple colors look wierd to me. She wanted to paint our bedroom (which in itself is strange because she never, ever does house projects, that's on me) and what does she choose? 3 shades of purple. She showed the samples to me and I told her they looked terrible. I said "they might look OK to you, but you know I'm colorblind and these colors don't look the same to me, I don't like them at all, they clash with each other and everything in the room." So she then proceeded to paint the whole room with those colors when I was at work the next day.
I can't stand the feel of silk/ satin. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard is to some people, it just makes me shudder. W knows it to the extent that she always makes me try to feel satin dresses and stuff just to see my reaction. I came home one day and what do I find on the bed? Satin PILLOWCASES!! Really? Really? LOL!
I am sorry, that is really a terrible thing to do...but it made me laugh
And the Really? Came out in my H's voice, the incredulity and all, that it cracked me up....
Sorry again, :), but man, your wife wins the button award
Thanks buddy. Still treading along here with no visible movement in sitch. Our D mediation date has been set for April 25th with next court on May 28th. The dates add pressure to me. I know I shouldn't let them but what can I say, just being honest. Part of me wishes I had limbo...time doesn't seem to be on my side. Yes I know it's just a piece of paper and doesn't have to end at D and I've read the threads, it's just...enough babbling
I've had more bad moments emotionally lately but keeping them away from W, she's just seeing PMA. The 'sad/ hurt' emotions don't last long and don't affect what I do, they're just popping up a little more than before. I think the triggers are mainly with me knowing I'm not the same person I was but it not seeming to make any difference in sitch. I've also learned a few things along the way about W that aren't sitting so well and have me questioning what I really want. Even though this has hurt me worse than I ever imagined I am grateful for it. I'm a much better person now than I've ever been in my life. I now have a toolbox that's starting to fill up. I trust God has a plan for me and I'm going with the flow.
For most part W and I are barely talking about anything other than kids. Last several days her illness was really bad which I absolutely hate seeing. I did ask about it once but she was pretty clear it was a bad idea to ask so I kept quiet. Just went about my day and tried to keep kids a little busier so they wouldn't bug her. Our schedules don't align this week so won't see much of her until Sunday night which is fine.
It's really tough for me to watch all this happen to W. I think I've mentioned before I fully believe she's in MLC and possibly has been for quite a while. Watching how she's changed and how she acts so indecisive and confused (and hateful) is hard to watch. On top of that this last weekend when her illness flared back up was especially tough. She's a strong woman and to watch what this can do to her $ucks, especially since she wants no help from me anymore. Scares me thinking about what could happen to her after D. I know it's not my problem or decision but I still don't like it.
We went to Easter church service which of course was filled with hope. Funny how this time I didn't hear so much about hope for my M but instead I heard hope for MY future... W did join me to watch TV last night for first time in a LONG time. Likely nothing and we didn't talk but surprised me to see her sit down next to me.
As far as GAL been hanging out with friends more than before. Still working out a bunch. Have a 10k race coming up in 2 weeks followed by half marathon, tough mudder, and full marathon later in year. Starting playing pickup basketball at gym also, all new guys so good to meet new people. Coaching starts in about a month so that's always fun with the kids. Kids and I are also doing a lot of things with just 3 of us with more planned if weather here in Michigan ever turns (snowing again today). Now that MLB is going will likely catch a Tigers game or two in next few weeks with friends. When I'm home I'm reading or doing some spring cleaning (accumulated a lot of junk over the years...). Last one may not be GALing but needs to be done
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Sorry brother. You're right there is nothing you can do but let her take her course. Like a hurricane waiting it out. Just keep doing the positive things to change you.
You know it is sad to say I still don't know what PMA stands for and I've been on this forum forever
I am sorry, that is really a terrible thing to do...but it made me laugh
No need to be sorry, I laugh when I think about it and I tell it because I think it's a funny story, so your reaction was perfect
Originally Posted By: Spartan
Our D mediation date has been set for April 25th with next court on May 28th.
What is the wait time in your state? It's 60 days here in TX, but I've heard a lot of states have gone to a year.
Quote:
W did join me to watch TV last night for first time in a LONG time. Likely nothing and we didn't talk but surprised me to see her sit down next to me.
I think we get so jaded after months and months of nothing happening that when a baby step does happen, we tend to dismiss it as a fluke. My W did something similar recently- sat down on the couch at my house and just hung out for a while. It didn't dawn on my until later that it had been a LONG time since she had done that. I think that what she did and what your W did shows an increase in the comfort level, and that's a good sign. There are hardly ever any big moves in our sitches, you have to watch for the small ones like this to see any movement at all.
ah or fake it lol. Gotcha. Been there. Displaying happiness on the outside and a wreck on the inside
Yeah. I was just telling someone I may have missed my true calling in life. I never thought much about acting but I seem to have a real knack for it.
Wait time here in MI with kids is 6 months. Will be 6 months in 10 days so mediation and court date are past that.
It might have been a baby step but who knows with her. I'm not reacting to it or really giving it much thought. Mentioned it because I thought it was odd and most likely a little of the distant/ pursuit dynamic. I'll just continue to do my thing and try and stick to my plan as much as possible.
Couple new GAL activities seem to be coming up. Friends are starting a golf league and invited me in. I used to golf a LOT which was an issue before S5 was born so I quit. Kind of excited to start back up and really like guys in the league. Hope it fits in my schedule (spring/ summer are so busy).
The other one that I'd love to do but doesn't look like it will work is an over 30 fast pitch baseball league. Friends team, which is pretty good, lost both their 2B and CF which are positions I played in my younger days. I don't think my knees are up for CF but 2B would be a blast. Right now I just can't figure out a way to fit it in my schedule unless I give up coaching which I can't do. Love coaching kids and watching them progress through a season. Maybe I can get on the team during second half of season...
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
