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This sounds fantastic!

Empathy is the cure for anger.

I love this ^^^^ I want to remember this too.

I think I need some chocolate peanut butter eggs.

Oh wow...that would hit the spot.

^^^

Another song pick. A friend reminded me of an Indigo Girls song that I hadn't heard in years. Here's the first verse:

Closer to Fine

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

I think it's speaking to me now because I've done a lot more living, and growing since this song came out in the early nineties.

Ok on the subject of songs - my favourite ever band 'Joy Division' - they're a little depressing but very poetic in my opinion...

Anyway an old song called 'She's Lost Control' sums up my sitch perfectly - here are the lyrics for those interested...

Confusion in her eyes that says it all.
She's lost control.
And she's clinging to the nearest passer by,
She's lost control.
And she gave away the secrets of her past,
And said I've lost control again,
And of a voice that told her when and where to act,
She said I've lost control again.

And she turned around and took me by the hand
And said I've lost control again.
And how I'll never know just why or understand
She said I've lost control again.
And she screamed out kicking on her side
And said I've lost control again.
And seized up on the floor, I thought she'd die.
She said I've lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.

Well I had to phone her friend to state my case,
And say she's lost control again.
And she showed up all the errors and mistakes,
And said I've lost control again.
But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed I've lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.

I could live a little better with the myths and the lies,
When the darkness broke in, I just broke down and cried.
I could live a little in a wider line,
When the change is gone, when the urge is gone,
To lose control. When here we come.

You had me at chocolate!!

I like this song by Andrew Paul Woodworth: Thick Black Mark

Google it it's a good song.

As starless skies above the weather,
I only hide to sleep on stretchers,
another thick black mark,
upon a thin white heart
If i could prove my heart was bigger than my ego,
could i expect my friends to forgive me for the things that made me wrong...
If my behavior made me better than my thoughts are,
could i demand it i be counted among the cleanest and the strong....

Nice to see you guys exchanging all these songs. This is a sure sign we're not alone...

Labug, just wanted to say thank you for your support..

It's been a difficult week and it's only Tues. Actually my week started on Fri and it was a busy weekend. I've not been taking care of me as I should and allowed myself to become overcommitted. That needs to stop because I've been on an emotional roller coaster.

A lot of my past stuff keeps bubbling to the surface this week but that happens when defenses are down. It also has a connection to the confrontation I had with H Sat before last.

I learned lousy, ugly skills about how to treat people in my family. I stuffed all that happened to me into a box and put a big heavy rock on it and hid it away somewhere inside me. But it was always there, weighing me down, holding me back. I was unhappy for a long time but just didn't know why. I tried all sorts of addictions, near addictions to make me happy, none of them worked. It wasn't until a few years ago that I really opened that box (I had peeked in over the years), let out the secrets and people told me that what happened was not OK. It wasn't my fault.

But it was my responsibility to work on me and make changes. And I have done that but unfortunately I had drug that heavy box of garbage into my new family. Not the physical stuff because I promised myself I would never do that and I kept to that, but the emotional stuff that can be just as damaging, if not more so. It was directed mostly at my H so I have a very clear understanding of why he left and why he most likely won't come back. I could quantify and say, I've heard much worse in other couples but I crossed his line. That's the important piece.

It hurts to know that things that were set in motion when I was a young child,, that I had no control over have brought me to this place all these years later.

But I took up the challenge to fix myself and I've made great strides. In many ways I'm so much better than I've ever been but it took a lot of heartache to get here.

Children aren't property nor are they put on the earth to reflect their parents. Detach lovingly.

I'm gaining empathy but I'm not to forgiveness just yet.

dear bug,

it takes a great deal of courage and strength to open those boxes and to face ourselves. you have been such an example to me of both. thank you for sharing your journey here, you always make me look deeper.

i don't think we ever get to the bottom of all of our baggage, there is always more awareness and growth, but the baggage gets lighter and our ability to sit and face it grows stronger. i struggle with that at times, the desire to get there and be done, but i think that is part of my baggage too.

i can not wait to see how forgiveness unfolds.

Bug, I'm reading but not posting much these days. Cat's got my tongue or something.

I so appreciate your sharing of your journey. Your posts frequently resonate with me bringing hope, reality checks, inspiration, or all of the above.

It's good to see that you have perspective on things that happen. And a process for working through difficulties. And an attitude that reminds me how mine can use a tuneup.

Thanks for being you.

I agree with SD and your posts are helping to look at my own journey. I am reminded of that game where you pack a bag alphabetically to go on a journey. All that unnecessary stuff that makes the bag heavier just because it was part of the "game".

Myself, I know my bag contributed to much of my behaviour and marriage woes, and it has been very beneficial, but very hard to unpack these things.

Thanks again, BUg