That is a great question. I will have to really think about that.
Seems like I get really sad after H goes home from a visit. Could be 2 things. I think deep down I hope when he comes to visit he will remember how great his kids and wife are and not want to leave us. Also I get a break from being a single mom and get to have fun and a stop having such a schedule. Not that I dont love my boys more than anything but a break is very nice.
That is way too much introspective thoughts for a Sunday night!!
I need to realize he isnt going to just change his mind. He will visit but will go back. Its probably easier on me when he is gone and I dont have to see him.
I am very happy to have my boys back. I think they really missed me which makes me feel really good. H took them every place fun he could think of. I just make them go to school! Lol
Well the 1st one is an expectation - and those things just love to bite us on the a$$.
If you want him to miss things - give him things to miss. Be the best kicka$$ family out there... but not through games and manipulation. But because it is true.
People turn heads towards those who are positive. They are attracted to love and kindness - IMHO
I know you love your boys. Continue to let that love shine super bright and leave the rest up to the man upstairs.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Once you let go of the idea that things aren't fair, you can open yourself up to seeing a lot of other opportunities.
Is soooo spot on. It took me a LONG time to come to this realization. Long time. However, once I did...I was able to move forward. Life is not always fair and unfortunatly sometime bad things happen to good people.
I wanted to make a couple of other points...
1) YOUR LAWYER works for YOU. 2) Do not settle for something that you feel is not in your best interest. Your lawyer should be giving you more information so that YOU can make the best informed decision. 3) Stop compromising if it is NOT what you really want. Let him compromise. 4) Always...do what is best for the kids. They do need a dad in their life, even if he is a low life, they still need him. 5) Treat it like business.
Good luck!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I keep thinking about that we are a kick a@@ family!! The 3 of us are great and I am soo not going to waste anymore of my time worrying about H and OW. Ok well I will try! baby steps
I am going to think of this like a business. He doesn't want to be in our business anymore. Fine go. I am just not going to talk to him anymore, not in a bad way like I am mad and not talking to him but just like I don't want to waste my energy on him. I am not letting him take my joy anymore.
When he calls I just give the phone to the boys and let them talk. We really don't have anything to talk about anymore. I will let the lawyers figure out the divorce details and since he is gone we really don't have to talk about parenting issues since to be honest he isn't really being much of a parent more like a uncle now. Soo unless he wants to talk to me I am done making the effort. Time to start focusing on me and my life instead of worrying about him and his.
Now I am sure I will have to come back and reread my words again but right nwo I am feeling very good. I need to stop thinking about the past and focus on the future. I have 2 wonderful, smart, handsome boys and that is all I am going to worry about.
Thanks gabbysmomma! I feel so much better today. Just deciding not to waste time talking to him has really helped. I am going to just work on me and finding more ways to live a positive happy life. I need to be present right now with my kids.
I love that story. A family is what we make it right?? No matter what our kids have us. Better to have 1 involved and present parent than none. I know when my kids look back at their childhood they will remember me bring there. H cant say the same and it is truly his loss.
I know i need to accept more help but i suffer from that working mommy guilt that i should be with them all the time i can i am getting better still working on it!!
You are getting so much great advice... The unfairness of it all and how hard it is to let go of it. I struggle with that sometimes too.
GMom is right. Take care of yourself - physically and emotionally. To me, just imagining what life would be for my kids if I got really sick motivates me to be kind to myself.
Hang in there. If you need space and distance from H to find peace of mind, do it!
(((((Paige))))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Thanks Keep going. I have been reading your story. Some of it is so familiar. Crazy how these mid lifers have the same story. I can't imagine how hard that would have been with a new baby.
I look at it like this H doesn't want to talk to me anyway so I am giving him what he wants. He facetimes the kids a lot and the last thing I want is to look at him. I leave the room!!
Similar situation. Wish I could say to h to just leave us alone. He texts d daily. His way of easing his guilt(IMO) doesn't talk to boys very often. I though have to do what is best for kids. He wants to do the fun stuff. No parenting, no help with home stuff. He wants his own life. I focus too much on him. Need to stop. Should not be worth my time& energy
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
