Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My journey begins

I think that was a good choice~

Need a hand here...
Some venting with questions.
I gave W password for cell phone bill as she felt that I was monitoring her and she couldn't handle that. I was and it was wrong.
My fears, she had an EA and sexted OM and other guy and his W on cell smart phone several moths ago.
She says she isnt doing that now and I can verify by looking at cell bill online. Now giving that up I feel I have given her the ability to chat/sext w/e she wants and she knows I wont know, so she can do it safely. This is killing me.
The other option is she was going to get her own line and carrier, so same outcome.
I am looking for reassurance that she wont do this again, but there is none...
I want to tell her or ask her if she will not talk or sext them, but that would be wrong, right?
I know I dont have control, but I am having a really hard time now.

JP787,
Do not bring this up to your wife again. The only the thing I would say to her would be to ask whatever she is most comfortable doing. Changing password or getting own line. I might not even say that. Maybe just stick with what you have already agreed to do.
You are right! You have no control who or what she texting or doing. Trust me, in a few days when you can't look it will begging to feel much better anyways. You don't want to snoop. It makes you feel terrible inside and does absolutely nothing positive in the end. I know from personal experience. It was much easier to get out and GAL and keep a PMA when I stopped snooping. It's gonna be tough for a few days, but I promise it will be one of the best things you've done in your sitch so far

she brought it up.

If she brought up she wants the password changed or her own line, do whatever she feels is best and drop it. There is nothing of can do. And you will feel so much better once you aren't looking at her phone records

I f@#ked up.
ugh..

Uh oh. What happened?

Doesn't even matter. She will have her privacy and talk to OM and confide in him and he will comfort her and I am just lost to it all.

So, that is your final answer huh ?

I'm not buyin it JP...

I'm not buyin this little pity party thing you have goin on. Because you have CHOSEN to be defeated by this.

What are you doing differently for yourself ?

What are you doing differently to make her WANT to look toward you for comfort ?


Until you choose to be different, for yourself, then yes...you will be lost.

Yes, she has chosen to talk and confide with another guy right now.

It doesn't mean it will always be that way.

Nobody knows what the future will bring. Nobody can tell you that you will never be together again.

What I can tell you though...

Is that if you don't pull together, and find a way through this, you are writing your future, and not in a very pretty way.


That is where YOUR choices come into play.

You can choose to be defeated...

Or you can pick your ass up, and really buy into what DBing entails. So that you can start finding your way out of your self-imposed hell....

Your choice JP....

So you wanna do this thing, or what ???

All the great advice. All my momentum forward. All lost to my fear about OM. I can deal with about everything else, my guilt, W angry with me, all of the other stuff that is wrong that needs fixed, but OM stops me cold in my tracks.
W even said she promises (like I trust that) there is no one else and she is not looking. I know at this point OM has family and is committed to them, but W still has strong feelings for him and he gives her what she needs or wants. As she said in text to my D, I too can give her those needs, but if feels annoying coming from me. How do I try to give W her needs when she feels that? She wants her needs met from someone else.
It is like I am at a beach that has white sand everywhere and there is one tiny black grain of sand and that pulls all of my attention.
Last night I felt rage, something I have not in a long time and it scared me. I guess it is from everything, but what surfaced was what W told D in a text that I am not supposed to know. The one where W says OM makes her feel so good, irresistible and all that stuff, that dad can do that too, but it just feels annoying coming from him. She says this to my D and I cant say anything about it because I will loose too much if I admit to looking at D phone. That is burned into my head and idk if I can ever forgive that. God knows what else she has said to D that I dont know about.
Don't mind read, focus on me... I CAN'T
I fail.