M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Told her we probably need to talk to the D's about sitch as they are asking questions and making comment to others. Told her about D23's comment to her friends about our R (she told some friends we were sleeping in different rooms and didn't think we'd last the year out); D22's questions and that D13 asked me a couple weeks ago if everything was okay.
She still sticks to the 'Just tell them I'm just sleeping out here since I'm having trouble sleeping' story. I told her the kids have noticed the fact there's no real interaction between us; that they aren't stupid, they see what's going on around them. Even when we go visit D23 & her family, we sleep in separate rooms - it's obvious things are not good. I got no further comment from her, so I let it drop.
After that, there were several times she asked what I was doing and why I was doing whatever it was at the time - she hasn't cared about any of my activities for a VERY long time. The sad part is, this is what I was getting aggravated at. Several months ago, I would've been elated that she was showing some interest - now I've gotten so used to her lack of interest in my life that I just don't care.
While I don't think the roles have switched in any way, I'm pretty sure I've reached a point where not even I want to try anymore. I've felt this way for several weeks, just haven't commented about it much until a few days ago since I didn't want to jump to hasty conclusions.
While I'm not DBing in a effort to save my M anymore, I'm still working on me, staying positive and happy, and still treating W with dignity and respect. She deserves that.
That has to be really tough with your D's. I mean, the back thing is lame.
You know when you know, if you're done, right? Way to stay positive and happy!! I personally feel everyone should be treated with dignity regardless of what they deserve. Respect, definately a deserve thing
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
For sure. I give my H respect, but secretly I want to kick him in the junk.. or not so secretly...
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Had to D13 to the doctor yesterday; she has a stomach issue the doc said might be caused by anxiety. W called and asked if I could make her an appointment - she was at home with D13 at the time, 2 hours before she had to go to work?! At any rate, I did and met D22 & D13 at the pediatrician's office in the afternoon.
Sent W a text telling her what doc said, and she thanked me.
Last night W was supposed to get off work at 10pm. She works 20 minutes away from home, and got home at almost midnight. Why do I know this? Because I was asleep when she woke me up, surprised that I went to bed without her being home, and then tried to joke with me. I was cordial, but, noticeably sleepy, though I didn't ask any questions about what took her so long to get home - which I'm pretty sure she noticed.
This morning, W sends 2 text msgs before I even get to work. When I don't answer within 15 minutes I get another that says 'Are you mad at me?' Told her I wasn't, I was just driving. Then I get 6 more msgs from her in rapid fire succession about her aches and pains (she has arthritis in her hands) and being tired (home at midnight, has to be at work at 8am... ).
I asked her if her arm was swollen and she said no, but, was still painful. Told her I was sorry she was in pain and wished I could help. She said it was her own fault since she didn't take her anti-inflammatory meds. After that she said her phone was almost dead and she had to leave it in the car to charge, so I told her to have a great day.
I guess I should be glad these were congenial since the previous messages about the amount of gas left in the car were condescending and uncalled for. Because after that exchange, I'm at a point where I feel like one more accusation, one more thing that's blown way out of proportion, one more sideways glance down her nose, one more insult to my family, or one more indication of something being done isn't good enough for her and I'll become the WAS.
And I never wanted to be there.
I truly wish I had known about DBing and these great resources in 2006 - it might have save both of us a lot of hurt and aggravation. Then again, maybe not.
We would still have these two major boundaries to overcome:
1. Since she still is dead set against transparency (she thinks it gives the other person control). 2. She wants to be able to flirt with whomever she wants (she once said if I told her it bothered me she'd stop, then laughed and said no she wouldn't).
I will not bend on these so I think it is time to discuss the D process (Florida doesn't recognize a S). Though we could do a S agreement, but, it wouldn't be a court recognized S.
).