Interesting text. I'm going to give my spin on it. Mlcers do remember dates that have impacted them emotionally but they generally do not say much about them. However, I think your xh was testing the waters to see how you feel now about the divorce after two years. Sounds like he's been doing some thinking if he made a point of texting you about the date.
I think you handled it very well and in a very nice way told him that you hadn't given the date any thought.
He's one special mlcer! I don't know too many that would remind the lbs of the date. LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ummm my xh invited me to lunch after our court hearing to finalise the divorce and financial settlement. My lawyer said he had never had that happen before. He called me just before we went into court - hadn't heard from him in months at that point!
Who knows? Snodderly. I dont read anything into it. I just think something reminded him and he had to say something.
Bea, he walked me to my car after the divorce was final and said, "Do you want to go get something to eat?" Um no, sorry, dont have much of an appetite right now!
I honestly don't think they realize, in their present state of mind, what divorce truly means. Yes, it ends the marriage, but it also ends whatever relationship you had w/your former spouse, i.e., it's not the cozy, warm and fuzzy life any longer. I think in their minds that lbs will remain friends and do things w/them even after the divorce. They may even go as far as thinking we will forgive them for all of their destructive behaviors and I would venture to bet that they are counting on us and our love for them to continue those friendships. As I have said many times, they expected us to remain right where they left us and most likely counted on our feelings to be the same. Poor souls, never in a million years did they count on any of us moving on w/our lives and those feelings of warm and fuzzy changing into something called "civil" behavior.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with you Snodderly - one of the striking things about my recent interactions with my xh is his politeness and hesitancy. He hasn't been doing the cuckoo clock bird flying out.
He actually said he quite understood if I didn't want to talk to him or meet him, which suggested to me that at least a glimmer of light has entered his fuddled brain. He equally hasn't said he was sorry, but he did come up with a sizeable chunk of money to help with youngest son's law school expenses. I do think the magnitude of what he has lost is coming back to him - he said he hoped to have the opportunity to get to know his sons' wives and partners better too But didn't blame his children or their partners for this, as in the past. .
One thing I do belive is that those guys who run fast hard and for a long time, do really terrible things to their families, afer a lifetime of 'good behaviour' genuinely can't see a road back that they can take. Not my problem, and nothing I can do, but I do feel sorry for the terrible mess he made for all of us. We are OK now. He at least seems to grasp he was part of the mess, that it didn't just 'happen' and that we have all moved.
Hey Snodderly and Bea. I am not so sure my xh expects me to be right where he left me. Then again, I have no idea what's in his head, if anything. LOL!
Honestly, I think he is still deep in, with periods of peeking out, but, who knows?
I wish him well, really I do. And I have forgiven him because I dont want to carry that around with me.
Bea, my friend, you never have to worry about hijacking. Anything you want to say on my thread is welcome.
Grr, thank you for your kind words. You will get to where you need to be. There really is no use analyzing because it doesnt get you anywhere.
Yes, xh and our son have a good relationship. That is something I really wanted for my son. But, it is not the relationship they once had or the one they would have had if this didnt happen and that's too bad.
my xh is rebuilding his relationship with his three sons - not what it was, as you say, but better than it has been for several years. He now wants and values it. I would say it is becoming more important in his life again, which has to be healthy.
I agree about carrying a weight of anger - it is tiring, as are all the other emotions that we had all bottled up inside.
