Good for you T2! And thanks for all the comments to others and for sharing your situation.
Glad to see that you are doing well and that W seems to be moving in a positive direction. Any sense for how she came to acknowledge the depression?
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
She did her own research on mlc (I did happen to plant some seeds along the way perhaps), its tie to depression and the depression has been part of her since a young age...but I gather she has REALLY researched depression this time and has been discovering quite a few things that explain a lot for her.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Well, it seems as the flood gates open, you are going to hear the good, the bad and the ugly.
Insert theme song here
You are doing an amazing job at listening and validating. You do have your own feelings too, and even though its not a two-way street yet in sharing with her, they are just as important as hers.
Someday, when's she's in a healthier spot and can really listen and understand, it will be your turn to share.
I'm excited for you just thinking about it!
In the meantime...
Yes, spring is right around the corner. Everything frozen over by winter will begin to thaw, and slowly we'll start to see some signs of life.
Know what I mean?
Keep up the great work!
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Really sorry to hear things took a step back T. You are such a support for your W and everyone here too. Hoping you take care of yourself, not just physically but mentally. Spring can really lift the mood of the person suffering from D. The sun is up earlier and higher in the sky, longer days. Apparently, in some people the lack of light can bring on a sad mood. I know a man who suffers from Bi-Polar and winter will often bring on his depressive episodes.
Maybe suggest(I know..I know!) she get some early morning light. It can't hurt and its free. Also great for the Vitamin D intake. Here in Australia we are coming into Winter and I have to watch my mood as well, although luckily I live in a part of the country which enjoys lovely sunny winter days.
Hi GAL, we are trying to get her out in the sun, she does have SAD, the winters here can be pretty gloomy, but she had is also in sunny California during its Pacific induced glooms. We have invested in full spectrum bulbs for indoors, and a "happy light" or two, and vitamin D3 to combat it. She knows what she needs to do...
TVS...yes, hopefully spring will bloom here soon...the question is, now that I have learned the fine art of STFU, can I adjust to being a regular human again??? lol.
So W has been emailing me like crazy, one day we tried an IM client, but it was too distracting for me at work, email will just sit there until you look at it, the IM flashes and such, demanding attention...such a Pavlovian stimulus/response...no wonder we all addicted to our smart phones and computers... And the IM just triggered me too often, thoughts of OMs, so I told her I'm not ready for that method, and let's just stick to email and verbal. She was fine with that.
She keeps dropping little things in like that she is sad about her empty inbox in the morning, having withdrawal feelings, etc...indirect messaging? I told her that even if I don't respond to these things, that they are very much appreciated, the letting me know. Letting her walk her own path...
One new thing this week is that she has started talking to me, in person, after work, telling me about her day, what she is processing, whatever is going with her...this is nice...it has been a long, long time. She shared some her thoughts and feelings about the spiritual effects of what she did and how far she did it, I think that last bit was a test...my IC told me she would say things like that to see my reaction...so I passed, not a word, nor a look...lol.
When I am properly detached and have my lab coat on, it is kinda interesting to hear her say "I still don't feel things for you" or "My problem is you...no...not "you" you, but my feelings towards you" and then a few minutes later say "I have a great guy, who will do anything for me, worked hard so I could be a SAHM, loves our kids and is a great dad...why am I not happy?" or "You are the only person who hasn't gotten tired of me and my issues, my family is, other people are....you're the only one who hasn't abandoned me" ... You can almost see the thoughts and gears moving and spinning. Good thing my IC and the forum here prepared me for this. My IC said it sounds like she is wanting things back to normal, but is still afraid...
As for me, just working hard, working out hard...gotta get my bf down from 17% and drop the 10 pounds I gained (holiday and winter slacking, it sure does have a noticable effect quickly at my age..grrr)...have some house projects I can get to now that the temp is reasonable...just day to day life...and you know, I am content with it...if W and I make it, that'll be the cherry on top, the finishing touch, whatever metaphor works.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
oh, and her cell phone is out in the open now, on the counter...this is new the past few weeks...
9 weeks since end of PA, 7 weeks since end of last EA, a couple/few or 3 since the contacts started dropping off (per W)...not that I'm counting or anything like that...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T, She's baking up quite nicely, i.e., slowly but surely. In her own way, she's trying to prove that you can trust her, i.e., the cell phone out in the open, etc.
I do believe she's turning another corner and is opening up more and more each week. I know that your patience have been tried over and over again, but at the end of this marathon, you will be glad you were patient and willing to go the extra mile.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That coming clean of hers, must have lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. A cleansing effect. She is gaining trust that she can off-load and you won't punish. This is very hard on you, make sure you don't forget your needs too.
Good to hear about the light. Just thought I'd throw it out there. Some people are surprised to learn these things but you're onto everything. Clever and caring soul that you are. Be good to yourself T.
Thank you Snodderly, I appreciate your perspectives and guidance. You're a Godsend !
GAL, we have always been natural/alternative health, it's one of those precious "commonalities" we share. And me being such a research nerd...lol. Yes, I am dong my best, and soon I will be backpacking and unplugged...I can go sooner if I do desert before it gets too hot, later if mountain as still snow pack...idk which yet...but part of the fun is the planning...
W is applying for a job at one of our favorite thrift stores, which is run by the Catholic Church and mostly women there... W knows she needs to connect with women (she has no girlfriends), especially women her age and older to help with perspectives. I really hope she gets it, I think it would do wonders for her, help her transition into life after kids, and fill her time doing something helpful to others.
I helped her get her job hunting stuff together, timelines, etc., and advice from the work world trenches. She emailed me this morning "and now with my resume finished and looking good -thanks to you... that will give me more confidence in applying." This is something I have noticed and thanked her for...recognition and thanks again...been a long time, it feels kinda weird getting it, though. That's one of my 180's for me that I still struggle with... compliments and such... More work to do...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I think it's a wonderful idea if you wife worked in your favorite thrift store. It would give her confidence and she would meet a lot of new people, as well as meet up w/some new women friends. Good starting point and in the right direction. She needs this added boost and you've been so helpful w/her resume. I hope she gets the position.
A step in the right directiion and she continues to bake up very nicely!
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
