Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers The View from the Blanket II

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just read up on the few days I was MIA. Kudos to you for your communications with H.

You are doing awesome.

Fear is a powerful thing. What V posted has me really thinking. God I love this place!!

Busting, just stopping by to check on you. It looks like you're getting the support you need. Know I'm here for you too.

And fear might be powerful only if we let it be, because we're the ones who have created it! Time to get rid of the little monster!

HI, bustin,

I'm here too! Looks like you've gotten a lot of good words of advice to think about. I agree you are doing great, even in sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

busting, you have posted some powerful words recently... thank you for sharing your growth. love you (((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))

Tallula, Tori, GTO, NG...thank you all for your kind words and continued support and encouragement.

Its been a very reflective time for me these past few weeks, and despite the growing pains, I feel like I am moving into a much better place for myself, where I can welcome the growth and take a step back from fear, pain and my sitch.

It was a week I hadn't spoken to H when he calls the children. On the seventh day, son calls out to me 'maaaaammmyy daddy wants you on the phone ". So I say "hello" and... H was nice with me.."hi! How are you? are you well?...I wanted to tell you that..." (it wasn't very important)

So he can be decent with me. I kind of chuckled after I hung up with him (yes..I ended the convo after keeping it brief and friendly), because it reminded me of the pursuit/distancer dynamic I've read about but I haven't really experienced before.

I know it doesn't mean anything, but I was kind of surprised that with one week of me getting out of his way, he could be cordial with me. It was the first time in a very long time where I didn't feel that he was talking through his teeth with me. I felt like I was getting back some of my self-respect.

So, thats good I guess. There is hope that we can have a civil R even as co-parents.

Good for you bustin.

It's good that you can see that H being decent - is just that. Detaching will allow you to continue to build that confidence needed to treat the both of you with respect.

I think because of OUR pain, we tend to forget how much emotions a WAS is feeling. We don't have to agree with them, but to deny that they have them is silly.

I think part of GALing and Detaching is just giving the WAS that space to start dealing with them.

And that's when positive steps happen... even if it is towards co-parenting.

Keep you heart guarded, but keep it up!

hi, bustin,

I think we are in similar places. I, too, had my first experience w H being "nice" to me the past two days. DOn't quite know what to make of it, except it feels a lot better than the cold, distance H I've only seen for the past year.

I agree not to make anything of it.

Busting, don't let your self-respect depend on your H's behavior. It's good he's finally being nice, but you are as worthy of respect as you had always been. Remember you are precious.

Hugs to you.

Hey blanket baby, just checking in. Sounds like H is realizing that your kids have two parents, and , oh wait, a mom!!! What a great job you've done. You are an amazing woman

HI Busting,

Just wanted to send my best and say hope you are doing OK.

NLW