How about a bit more empathy for the guy? Regardless of how big or pervasive his mistakes are, he is human too. What is the goal here? To beat him up to a pulp? To attack him so much that he leaves the boards?
Sometimes when we have nothing good to say it's better to not say anything at all... And perhaps when he sees nobody posting here anymore, SM might decide to go back, re-read and learn from everything he has been told so far.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
How about a bit more empathy for the guy? Regardless of how big or pervasive his mistakes are, he is human too. What is the goal here? To beat him up to a pulp? To attack him so much that he leaves the boards?
Sometimes when we have nothing good to say it's better to not say anything at all... And perhaps when he sees nobody posting here anymore, SM might decide to go back, re-read and learn from everything he has been told so far.
Not my intentions at all...
I want SM to keep posting, and I want nothing more, than to log in one day, and see a happy , healthy SM posting about his adventures in a mature, healthy relationship. One that COULD be with his current spouse.
And I hope that he chooses to be humble enough to accept the wisdom that has been put in front of him, to maybe help guide him towards that path.
I am merely speaking to SM, man to man , and hoping that he takes something from what I said, to heart. Not for me, rather for himself.
My post to him has zero to do with beating him over the head one more time. And I hope that he doesn't see it that way, and if he does ? Then I apologize for that.
I should have been more clear, my apologies. I was referring to judgmental comments that really don't bring SM anything positive.
Mach - I wasn't referring to your post. I don't ever recall you posting anything mean or condescending to anyone (and you have posted A LOT in the past few years).
I cannot imagine that hearing "I shudder to think what will happen if/when his W wants to end the M" (from Leopoldstich) would bring an open-minded or positive reaction from SM.
In the last thread, there were a few other comments that seemed judgmental to me. Perhaps I am wrong and if I am being judgmental of others, then I have to apologize as well.
I guess it's up to each of us to ponder if our approach to SM has been positive or not and ask ourselves - how has that worked for me (and SM) so far...
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Mach I value all of your posts. I always try and read whatever you post. Even on the old bootcamp threads. I find your words insightful and educational and they leave me thinking in a positive way.
KG I agree with you about empathy. Striving for empathy, I believe, is what can make contact humane and compassionate rather than judgmental. And I do think that there is so much compassion here. I know it has humbled me and taught me a lot.
SM, there is compassion here. For all of us. For you, for me, for us all. Its a safe place whee we can strip ourselves to the core and learn to rebuild ourselves into the person we truly want to be.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Mach - I wasn't referring to your post. I don't ever recall you posting anything mean or condescending to anyone (and you have posted A LOT in the past few years).
It's good....really,
and Thank You...
Originally Posted By: keep_going
I guess it's up to each of us to ponder if our approach to SM has been positive or not and ask ourselves - how has that worked for me (and SM) so far...
Ayup....
Are we really DBing, if we continue to use the same approach time after time, with little results...
SM, I apologize for speaking ABOUT you. I would much rather talk with you....
SM, I apologize for speaking ABOUT you. I would much rather talk with you....
Just another reason why I respect you so much.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Where exactly is he getting beat up? IDK how closely you have been following SM but I've been with him from almost the beginning. Sometimes before accusing people of beating up another person you should be sure that they are beating them up or perhaps trying to movitate them in a different way for a change. Afterall you do know what happens when assume don't you?
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
