Hi LF. Sorry to hear you were sick, I hope you’re feeling better now.
I too have had small gifts to W ignored or go unacknowledged. Nothing we can do about this but drop all expectations when we give them.
Originally Posted By: lostforever
for me I am just getting down and feel like everyone looks at me as if there is something wrong with me. Meaning I Should have moved on by now in there eyes. Why do you keep trying is what they say. I do not want to look like a loser that is out of control. I am not but it is hard sometimes.
Don’t allow others to make you feel bad about yourself for standing. Standing for ones marriage is a most noble task to undertake. Michele is clear in DR: No one else gets to decide when you should throw in the towel… that decision is yours alone. When you’re family/friends make you feel bad about yourself for standing, tell them thank you for your concern, but you are doing just fine. Stop discussing your sitch with them. If they bring it up, thank them for their concern and then change the subject. Only discuss it with people who support your decision to stand.
If your coach approved your text you should send it. You need some short of movement in your sitch one way or another.
Hang in there and continue on happily with your new life without wife.
Thank you for being here and letting me share what is going on.
Well first let me say i think i am finally getting over this flu. God I hope no one gets this. Takes forever to get over..
So, I did stop talking to anyone that does not support what i am doing. I have done the best I can with holding back. I can tell you now that I did send that text to W on monday and well like i told others 1 of 3 things will happen
1 she will just not say anything or do anything ( no idea what it means).
2 she will tell me that we will talk soon and then we dont.
3 she will bitch at me for something i said.
those are the standard replies. I do not understand it and well i may never understand. All I know is that there has been no movement good or bad in what is going on. Sometimes I feel that this is ok for me but times I say WFT why is she doing this and not trying to talk.
I'm doing the best I can with the card life has delt me. It is not easy and sometimes i think to myself this is going on so long that can this really be saved. I do love her and well sometimes i think why do i love her.
I am going to try to talk to my coach. I dont know what i should do now that i sent the text and got no reply....
I want to thank everyone here for putting up with me and supporting me with your honest replies..
ok well here it is 1am. the first time in a long time that i can not get to sleep. My mind is just thinking about my W. Just very random 1- How can W still be so mad 2- I wont to drive past her house to see if she is cheating on me 3- I just want to sit and talk to her even if like we are freinds 4 Who is she seeing 5- is she with a girl or a guy 6- I miss her
thought are all over the place. Man sometimes I wish i drank. But i do not but I just had to get out of bed and post what was happening to me tonight.
The other thing I keep thinking of is Why is she not returning the text to talk. Also why is she so afriad of even talking on the phone. She just seems so upset and angry. You know I should be the one that is angry. Shoot she did not pay the car payment till it was 30Days late.
also What do i do now?? how do i get her to engage in to talking to me. If she never replies to the text what next. Also how long do i wait for a responce. My DB Couch is not in till 3-11-12 I just dont know how to even respond if she does respond.
ANy one have any ideas?? also thank you for letting me rant. It is just not easy today well tonight. head is spinning.
I also think well maybe i should get out there and date and stuff. But to be honest i just dont think i am ready yet. I feel that all i will do is think of my W and compare. I just dont know
1- How can W still be so mad 2- I wont to drive past her house to see if she is cheating on me 3- I just want to sit and talk to her even if like we are freinds 4 Who is she seeing 5- is she with a girl or a guy 6- I miss her
Because of her non contact, you have no idea what she is actually thinking or doing. You are only hurting yourself by imagining the worst. She is likely is not happy with herself and her own life right now, and is only avoiding or lashing out at you in response to her pain. You have to keep this in mind and not take it personally. She has been gone for a long time. You are not the cause of her pain.
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The other thing I keep thinking of is Why is she not returning the text to talk. Also why is she so afriad of even talking on the phone. She just seems so upset and angry. You know I should be the one that is angry. Shoot she did not pay the car payment till it was 30Days late.
See above. SHE is in a bad place right now. It is not about you. At the very least, she does not know what she wants.
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What do i do now?? how do i get her to engage in to talking to me. If she never replies to the text what next. Also how long do i wait for a responce. My DB Couch is not in till 3-11-12 I just dont know how to even respond if she does respond.
It’s so very difficult, isn’t it? Here’s the thing: If you do manage to “force” her to talk to you, you likely will not like what you hear. Are you ready for this? Maybe you are, I don't know.
I understand the pain of not knowing her thoughts and intentions, and that you can’t wait around forever for her to make a move of some sort, but there likely will be pain if / when you do talk. It’s not going to be the happy ending you are hoping for.
So here’s what you need to decide for yourself: Am I in so much pain, that ending the marriage would offer me relief?
If the answer is no, then you need to suck it up, continue to GAL w/o wife, and put her out of your mind.
If the answer is yes, talk to a lawyer to see your options. Many can and will send a letter of intent or such to the spouse without you actually filing for D. This may or may not spark her into coming around. Or it could have her saying “great, let’s go, where do I sign.” You have to be prepared for either outcome, so don’t make this decision lightly. One way or another, you’ll get the beginning of a resolution to of all this. Re-read "After the Last Resort Technique, the Ultimatum" in DR.
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I also think well maybe i should get out there and date and stuff. But to be honest i just dont think i am ready yet. I feel that all i will do is think of my W and compare. I just dont know
No, you are not ready to date. I know some disagree, but my advice is to not date until you are divorced. And even then I recommend taking it slowly. If my W and I get D, I doubt I will date for a full year. I just won’t be ready, and frankly I'm not at all interested in a relationship with any other woman. I'll be fine on my own, and you will be too.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Yes this is so very hard to figure out. Some times there is no correct thing to do. But i want to thank you for your input. It gave me alot to think about.
As far as my pain. Well I'm not in so much pain that a divorce will give me relief. I Will just continue to do the best I can with getting her out of my head.I am trying to just let it go and i keep saying it is in Gods hands now. I did what was asked of me but sending the text. I did not think of it as me forcing her to talk but looking back that is what i have been doing. So I put it out there to W to talk but it is now in her hands to do so.
As far as dating i just cant do it at this point and im not sure when the time will come to begin to date. I dont need to do anything at this point so I am trying not to think about it as i do not need it in my head. Have to much in there already lol
Yes i do understand that if she talks it will not be a happy ending. Am i ready for that i do not know. But i just feel that nothing is moving in this at all for a long time.i was told that sometimes things need to get worse before they can get better. I just hope i can hold it together.
Hi all again. I hope everyone is having a good day. I'm doing ok just have lots of crap running in my head. I am trying to keep busy. When I am it seems to help. But today I just cant seem to figure out why the W is doing what she is. I mean not replying to the text i sent asking to just talk. Now I will say I do not want to force her but i still do not understand why a person that would at one time tell you everything just shut down and not even respond to a text good bad or whatever...
At this point i do not know if i should just text her even just to say HI.. It is just hard to know what to do if i should contact her or not to. I will say that I have not talked to her since the text. I will say that i know she was working this morning and so I took a chance to drive by her house and I found that her Gay friend was there with out my W. There has been thoughts that have gone on in my head that my W may have turned Gay. I can not confirm this but the gay friend is always with her. So ontop of everything i still think that she may be gay but can not confirm. I will say this I am going to drive past her house tonight late at night to see if the gay friend is sleeping there. If i cant get any answers from her then i guess i need to find out myself. I know this may be wrong but it is an overwhelming feeling that i have to do this.
i am doing ok with GAL and keeping busy it is just no matter what i do it is running in my head. Just really think all thiis the way she is acting is all bull crap. i mean women up W and do something!!!!
OK drove past her house and found that she was home with a gay girl. Not saying she is but my gut is leaning to say yes she is. Yes I know i should not drive past her house but i had to do it to see what was going on. I think im going to do a few midnight runs to see if the gay girl is sleeping there. Now keep in mind that this is hard for me but I cant really say anything untill i know 100% that she did turn. I men this could be one reason that she does not talk to her family and mom. and i have a friend that told some one that yes she left todd for an other woman but she will never say that.
I have no idea what to do. I dont want to just come out and ask her.. What if she is not sleeping with this gay person.
I really dont now at this point.
Since you have no idea or plan on what to do with your snooping information, why are you snooping? Can't you see how it's only hurting you? Making you imagine the worst, and making your mind go crazy?
If you're ready to confront her, snoop it up and be prepared to end the M.
If you're not ready to confront her and possibly end the M, DON"T SNOOP!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I have no idea what to do. I dont want to just come out and ask her.. What if she is not sleeping with this gay person.
I really dont now at this point.
Since you have no idea or plan on what to do with your snooping information, why are you snooping? Can't you see how it's only hurting you? Making you imagine the worst, and making your mind go crazy?
If you're ready to confront her, snoop it up and be prepared to end the M.
If you're not ready to confront her and possibly end the M, DON"T SNOOP!
this is exactly what i needed to hear.I am not reary to give up the M nor confront her. And yes what this has only done to me is make me think all kinds of crazy things that I do not need to be thinking about. I kinda came to this conclusion yesterday. Yes I want to talk to her but the only thing I can say it I have to let it go for now. I sent the last text so I feel it is in her hands at this point. I have had no contact since i sent the text last tuesday...Again i do really want to talk to her but maybe now is not the time. Half of me thinks I should not contact her at all as it will give her the time to miss me or whatever. The other half of me i feel that i have to keep some contact to keep her thinking about me. I know it sounds very stupid but it is what i think.
