Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Finally getting it after three months...

It's hard not to obsess with the outcome. Living in the moment is so hard. We are about on the same timeline. I do feel less stress now that we are separated, more detached.

I wake up in the middle of the night, my heart pounding thinking it is a dream, then I look over and I am alone in the dark silence.
I am so thankful to get up in the morning and join the busyness of my two amazing daughters, even though it is only 15 or 20 min, it is good.
I can't go back, I don't want to go back... Push forward!

I've read stuff going back years on these forums. Often people just quit posting mid-way through their sitch, so you don't really know how things ended up. Another strange thing is some people will come back months or even years later and post that they've been in piecing for some time, but they didn't want to post about it because they were afraid they'd jinx it. So I don't think you can get an accurate read on success percentages based on the threads here, but it does seem that more often than not it doesn't work out in the end. But that doesn't mean you can't beat the odds.

Early on I too was depressed about the lack of success stories and happy endings, but as time goes on you become less focused on that and more focused on getting your life back on track with or without your spouse. That's why we push GAL so much here, it's the key to recovering and being content with your life no matter what happens.

I was also deheartned by the low percentage of Separations that end up reconciling. But as I was told by my counselor, its because so many people a)aren't willing to make the changes to saving it with their wife and b)if they do, that can't make them consistent. She said of the husbands that she has worked with, those who truly change have great success reconciling with their wives. Howeverm if another man is involved, then all bets are off

Wife spent the night, we had a good time. I looked at her phone when she got in shower... I know.
Conversation with her sister: W misses OM she had EA with A LOT!, she said he told her that he tried to find her 10 years ago, which makes W want him even more. Wife mentioned she didn't realize how hard she had fallen for him (recently during EA). W sister said that my W now knew she had options, that he was cute and sweet that there are a lot of hot sweet guys out there with out our history.
OM has wife and child, so he can divorce and be with W, or they can have A. My fear is that if W and myself get back together, she will be holding onto OM as something great and perfect that she cant have.
So W has strong feelings for OM and may love him. W sister is showing her the way out the door.
I know I shouldn't have looked, but I did. I need to focus on me and be there best me I can be, but dang.
How will I ever know to trust W? Don't worry about that until I need to?

STOP looking at her phone!!!! I did the same stuff. But it will only make you crazy. If you guys start working on M, then you can discuss transparency. But right now, you can't, so don't look! You won't figure out if you can ever trust her right now, so do t try. I ask myself that, and just remind myself that right now I dont. That's all I know.

Thanks Tallula!

So one thing that was missing from our marriage was emotional love. I a ready to give that to my W, but she doesn't want it from me now, she is looking outside the marriage for that... Anything I can do?

NEED ADVICE PLEASE!!!
W may move home because she misses kids so much and doesnt feel needed. Told me if she does it is not because of me nor does she want to work on US. What do I do, say, act??

Not even sure what this^^ is supposed to mean. "Less than 10% than the D rate"... of whom/what?

"and more successes are h coming back", I think you mean more h's return, than women. Which you decided is about you? Well, in general, yes women don't return as often. That's b/c women tend to wait longer before leaving, so there's is LESS motivation left in them, which is how they left...i.e., they left when there was nothing left in their tank. Hence less looking back and returning. However,

Your w comes around for intimacy 2 x a week. That's more than some marrieds around here have it.

Stop thinking negatively.

You started with a 50/50 chance of divorce the day you married, but now you are awake.

The more you think of failure, the more you'll fulfill that expectation. Don't.