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I am not able to deal with watching my family go out to dinner with out me. Absolutely hurts to no end.

I know it hurts. No way around that. It hurts a lot.

Write a gratitude list, start with - I have 2 healthy children.

Thanks blknm! Went down to the church and did a lot of praying. I was so glad to see my boys come home. They weren't as good a company as W was hoping. Somebody took them to the gym and played basketball from 8-12 this morning. Who would've done that

Hi Mtnman.

Just catching up with your sitch. Welcome and sorry you have to be here.

It sounds like you are heading in the right direction.

Do find a way to GAL. I know this sometimes requires great creativity - especially when you have to juggle single parenting. If you have things other than your W to focus on it will help you and may help your R too.

Good luck and God bless.

Yesterday started out so nice but ended up being brutal. The boys and I spent all morning playing ball and the afternoon resting and relaxing. When W called to take them out for supper I so wanted to be invited, but I wasn't. She looked beautiful when she got here. I struggled with thinking about what she's doing to our family. I sobbed and just lost it after they left. Went to church and did the same at the alter. I have never cried like that. I was back to "normal, happy" self when they got back.

My prophecy to jayhawk became true; I needed the encouragement yesterday. Going to church this morning as a family, then football with the boys this afternoon.

I thank God for each of you on this board. It truly helps to know there are people who understand what you're going through. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

It's so very hard isn't it, Mm? Know that it will get easier. Do you have one person who you can spill your guts to? This person needs to listen but keep everything in confidence. As stated earlier, you really don't want your families to be involved in all this, it only makes things worse. Hang in there brother.

Mm...you held it together in front of her. Kudos.

I sobbed uncontrollably in front of my H this summer. He said, "I hate to see you like this."
I wouldn't recommend it. He went to see a lawyer two days later.

When they see you in such pain and know they caused it they want to run away from you. I think you did well in being normal and happy in front of her. Not to minimize your personal grief.

Hang in there,
rH

So true! One of the things that helps me, is to understand that our spouses are not doing this to hurt us, they are doing what they feel they need to do for themselves, after having their great awakening. Any pain they cause others actually guilts and grieves them, so you definitely don't want to add to it. This is why the DB advice is to keep the family out of it. It only adds more guilt and pressure.


"Fake it 'til you make it" is extremely tough, but it's what we must do. It took me months to start feeling like I was making progress with this, and not faking it so much, and I still have backslides every week or so. The goal is to build your life to the point that you are no longer faking it... your spouse can tell the difference.

Your doing well Mn. Think of yourself as a rock for your M and your family while W is on her journey. Keep at it and keep posting.

Thanks everyone. Church service went well this morning. seems like every week a couple of people approach me to offer support. i hold my head high cause ive done nothing to be ashamed of.

Had a fun day playing football. Even had a few high schoolers show up. I'm sure ill pay for it the next few days. Good therapy.

FY, I have to remind myself all the time that its up to me to make my M survive. I feel more stress knowing that than I did when we found out we were expecting. I had more control then, now it's almost out of my hands. Key word is almost.

Going to keep fighting!!

Last night at bedtime S6 asked W if she was ever going to sleep with daddy at home again. Her response was, I'm sure I will. He asked when and she said mommy just needs her girl space right now. I know it means nothing but I thought it was funny she had to say it.

One thing I've noticed over the last few days is W getting in my personal space. Close enough that under normal circumstances I would've grabbed her or at least touched her. Friday night she was heading straight for me and it threw me so bad she asked what my problem was (I must've flinched). I told her I thought she was going to hit me (not really, but we were always very playful and she was allowed to use me as a punching bag--strictly fun). Yesterday she came up next to me to eat in the kitchen. She was actually up against my arm with hers. Last night at boys bed time she came through S9 bathroom and shoved me, so i shoved her back. Caught her off balance and she almost fell (again, only playful---there has not and will not be any physical abuse in this house). Same this morning on her way out the door. She got right up in my face and asked US History questions. All three times i reached way down for strength and didnt say or do anything but return the same vibe that she was sending out. Not getting hugs or ILYs but definitely new behavior.