I just found out that the "ADD" medication he's taking is Wellbutrin. Which is for depression, not ADD. I'm not even sure what he's going for now.
For those that have family/friends that have been diagnosed with ADD, can you tell me what sort of dr./psychologist/analyst/whatever they went to that they were diagnosed in just a session or two? My H claims it isn't as simple as that, that even his GP said it's complicated. Am I just being smoked?
LIS, my number one issue is trust. But trust can be defined/quantified in so many ways, it's almost unfair. Do I trust him to be honest? No, because he lies. Do I trust him to be loyal to me? No, because he has chosen his kids/sibs over me multiple times. Do I trust him to be financially responsible? No, because he isn't. Do I trust him to care about me? No, because I can't remember when he last did.
So if it looks like I'm all over the place, I think it's because I am. I guess I just feel like if I could get *one* thing to work, then it would be a seed for all the rest.
ADD, in the most simplistic explanation, is a condition where the neurons in your brain are "asleep" and need to be woken up. Therefore, one who suffers from ADD need therapeutic medications which gets these neurons firing. Again, simplistically, those who suffer from ADD AND ADHD (though counterintuitive to those who don't understand) actually find things like caffeine helpful and therapeutic.
Those who suffer from depression have an issue with the regulation of things like seratonin and dopamine levels in their brain. It has nothing to do with "sleeping" neurons, but chemical levels. Therefore, things like Wellbutrin would not be treating the actual ADD. Perhaps it would treat the the side effects of ADD. For instance, the #1 issue with many ADD people is that they suffer from poor self-esteem. The Wellbutrin would, in fact, help someone with this issue.
As far as diagnosis. Yes, it is complicated. That is a fact. And I have 2 cases I am aware of. Blake had 3. No one took more than 2 sessions. This is why I am asking if this is perhaps a borderline case. I am NOT involved in the medical profession. However, my gut feeling is 1) the professionals are not sure because he's borderline 2) the professionals are not doing their job or 3) He's hosing you again. In the case of my dad and my nephew they were diagnosed by a PSYCHIATRIST... they were referred by a psychologist. To my knowledge, they were not "specialty" psychiatrists. In the case of my nephew, the psychiatrist was a child psychiatrist, but not specializing in ADD per se.
CV,your H and you remind me of what my H used to say his marriage was like with his first wife.
My H is very well organized and quite the perfectionist. I love it. He organizes our pantry, cleans out and organizes our refrigerator (lines up everything, puts it all in logical places), and is fairly meticulous about our lawn and his workshop. I'm neat and clean inside our home and well organized with the grocery shopping, laundry, etc. I pay all the bills. He never has to think about them or our banking. We just function well as a team.
His first wife was a disaster; nice and sweet but a mess. She bounced checks, forgot to pick up the dry cleaning all the time so he would run out of clothes for work, etc.
She was a STAHM with three small kids (7, 9, & 11) when they divorced. She couldn't get things done, not the housework, the laundry, shopping. He would have to do it in the evenings after he got home from work. She usually "didn't feel good" and would have to lie down after dinner (leaving him to clean the kitchen).
He just couldn't take it anymore. It was his first marriage, as yours is. Sometimes, the first marriage shows you what you can't live with and won't put up with in the next.
We've joked before about how to tell if you're compatible with someone: ask them which way the toilet paper roll should go, over or under...
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
The test wouldn't work for us. We would both say "over" and clearly we're not compatible. LOL! Of course, we would both "agree" that it goes over, but then he would do it willy-nilly, or more likely, never actually do it and just expect me to load it all the time.
I've heard that about first M's before. I wish my first was when I was 22 and stupid and didn't have any kids before I D'd. Then maybe this one would have been much different. I just hate to do that to S12. Your H's first does sound a lot like mine. Your current one sounds like a dream. I can only fantasize about that kind of partnership. *sigh* I'm so glad the too of you are working things out!
LIS, thanks for the details on ADD vs. depression. I knew Wellbutrin wasn't ADD, because *I* took it some time back for depression.
The crazy feeling results from having talked with H. You'd think we were talking two completely different languages. He likes to insert "others" into his justifications, to make me feel like I'm a freak. I've learned to filter that out and tell him that I'm not interested in anyone else's position, that the only two people that matter in our R are the two of us, but it still stings. I'm sure that the things that you referred to as his "gaslighting" contribute immensely. I was feeling I must be crazy for thinking this ADD testing shouldn't take this long. H sure seems content with the speed at which it's progressing. I think the biggest thing pointing to my craziness is the amount of thought I put toward this. I wish I could just turn it off and not give a rip and let him carry the burden. Or not. I wish I could just wash my hands of it and say "it is what it is" and just get on with my life. And again, if not for S12, I think I could.
And, if H would just shut up. I'm so tired of his sales pitch. He knows what buttons to push. The whole "boundaries" thing is a new enough concept for me that he easily rattles my resolve and makes me feel crazy. I'm holding strong, but it's painful.
