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An interesting evening last night...

I was the first one home, so I made dinner. W called when she left work (about 6:15) saying she had to run by the drug store to a couple things - she was till home by about 7pm.

As we all (us + kids) sat down for dinner, we all shared a few jokes about our day. Then, W commented that she was getting tired of people asking her what was going on with her former business and business partner. She then said that, on the day they had their discussion about her leaving, it was a good thing she didn't have a concealed carry permit as her partner had encouraged, since they handled quite a bit of money daily.

D21 & D13 kind of sat there and chuckled for second since neither of them liked the guy, but, I told her the dinner table wasn't really the time to have this talk, and I changed the subject.

Later I did ask her what was going on; she said she was still very angry over they way things with the business partnership were handled (I had gathered that, but, i don't ask...). She knows she shouldn't harbor this much anger, and it clouds other aspects of her life right now. She did go on about some other things - and I continued to listen. We did not discuss the M - she didn't bring it up and I sure as heck wasn't going to...

I helped her study for one of the tests she has to take for the new job (she asked while I was working out). She then complained about her legs and feet hurting; being tired of not feeling well; being stressed out; not being able to focus, etc... (the same basic complaints I've heard since last spring). I did suggest she go ther her doc to discuss these issues with him, then I dropped the subject. After a few minutes of silence, she asked if I'd rub her legs and feet, which I did, which put her to sleep...

I don't know if she has any idea how difficult it is for me to just touch her or talk to her about idle chit-chat. I want to hold her and tell her how much I love her, but, I also have a gut feeling that it's not the time. And I'm tired of sleeping in separate rooms. I'm not really angry, but, sometimes I just want to scream - which is when I go work out.

Last night was not the best.

We (W, D21 & D13) sat down for dinner - and joked like we normally do. D13 asked if we could play Uno after dinner and I said sure - I stated that I hadn't won a hand of Uno in 8 years and I doubted that string would get broken tonight...

D21 got up from the table and I grabbed her cell phone and acted like I was messing with it and ran into my bedroom with it. She started yelling and screaming, hitting the door and jerked so hard on the door handle that it broke.

I was kind of dumbfounded as I came out of the bedroom and asked her what her problem was - I had no intention of doing ANYTHING with her phone at all. She started yelling at me saying she doesn't mess with anyone's cell phones - and I reminded her of just a year ago when she made it a habit of spying on her mom's text messages and the fact that until recently she regularly would mess with her sister's phone.

I told her I was just messing with her, and had no intention of changing anything or reading anything on her - I flat didn't care what was on it. I also told her that the next time she acted like that, she would be in need of new living arrangements, since her reaction was extremely uncalled for.

D13 was upset after as she thought we wouldn't get to play Uno - but we did (D13, W and I - D21 hid in her room), for over an hour. And I actually won 3 hands - new record for me.

W commented on how tired she was and that she had trouble sleeping the night before. Said she kept having dreams that made her mad, but, as soon as she'd wake up, she forgot what the dreams were about. She knew that at least one was about her former partner. I had a few sarcastic remarks that popped into my head, but, was able to fight them off.

Better night last night.

I was the first one home again, so I decided to make dinner again. Made Rotini & meat sauce with garlic & cheese bread.

I do not mind doing this as I would have to cook if I was by myself. I am an IT Manager, W is a restaurant manager - so ISTR that she probably doesn't feel like cook after doing her job all day.

D21 & D13 got home shortly after I did. D13 said they already ate some food D21 brought home from work - D21 still isn't talking to me. So I went ahead and ate dinner.

W was late getting home since her shift ran late, and seemed glad dinner was done - she thanked me twice. After she was done I had the D's clean up after dinner and load he dishwasher. D21 went to her room while the rest of us watched some TV and talked.

W used to sit on whatever I wasn't sitting on in the family room. Lately, she's been sitting down where ever I sit, but, with distance between us - not a huge change, but again - baby steps. I was been in the middle of working out and coming in every few minutes as we were getting pics of our grand daughter in text messages from D23.

I asked W about her day, and she paused the TV so we could talk about it - and actually talked for about half an hour and had a pleasant conversation.

After we talked, she went back and un-paused the TV, and changed to Big Bang Theory, since it was a new episode. I told her I knew she wanted to watch Vampire Diaries and that I could watch BBT later. She said no, we'll watch BBT. After wards, she started Vampire Diaries and started dosing off, so shut off all the lights and went to take a shower.

Yesterday, I had to talk to the State tax office on her behalf, regarding some tax issues with her former business partnership. Since I work right next door, it's easy for me to stop in there. Technically, I guess they shouldn't even talk to me about these issues, but, they have seen me in there with her and are aware we are married, and that I know of the problems. They gave me the information I asked about so I could relay to her, since the earliest she can get in there herself is Tuesday of next week.

So, I guess my issue is this - I've always handled this type of thing for her. One of my 180's was to try and limit our interaction, as well as the amount of things I was doing WRT fixing things for her. Now, I don't want to see her in any legal trouble, but, at the same time, if she really wants a S and maybe a D, should I be doing this?

Also, W has some MAJOR anger issues about the business partnership. There's no doubt in my mind she would love see something bad happen to her former partner. I've known for a while there was an EA involved as they both shared way more info than is normal about their lives - and she did admit to this. W still swears there was never a PA.

So is the anger more due to the way the business arrangement ended? Or is it the way she was locked out of everything while she was on vacation? Or does she feel he betrayed her trust? Does she truly understand WHY she's angry - is it really what she says or does it run deeper? She was really angry at herself last year for letting things spiral down like it did. Or does it really matter why she's angry, and that it's more important to get her help to deal with the anger, regardless of the source?

Sometimes DBing is confusing... It seems like I make a plan of how to act, what I need to change to be a better person, and what I'm willing to accept (boundaries) - only to have a major curve thrown at me to make me question everything I previously thought. I'm not sure if we're playing a waiting game to see who will flinch first about bringing up the M issues, or whether we both just suspect it's over.

From my perspective, I have no real expectations that she will ever change her mind, but, I am continuing to act 'as-if' things are improving and we will be able to reconcile. Which itself seems like an oxymoron....

D21 got up from the table and I grabbed her cell phone and acted like I was messing with it and ran into my bedroom with it. She started yelling and screaming, hitting the door and jerked so hard on the door handle that it broke.

Why did you do that? Would you do that with any other adult you know?

Actually, something like this is not weird for our family - we've always played jokes on each other. She has done the same thing in the past - just a week or so ago to her 13 year old sister. Prior to her accident, this would never have gotten the response from her that it did this time.

This is really the first time she has reacted like this, and until I realized the door handle was broken, I thought she was just playing around as normal.

So maybe that's a 180 for you, to show more respect for the privacy of others and to realize that what seems like a joke for one person may be hurtful to another.

2 sisters doing this is very different from an adult/father with his 21 year old daughter.

Certainly something to think about. Like I said, it's the first time a response like this has been received; W and D13 were just as shocked as I was. My main concern, since I've had more time to think about it, is what triggered the response? Was it that event or something else going on in her life?




Again, a true statement and I'm not opposed to this analysis. Family dynamics change and it could be she's just wanting more privacy.

Did you apologize to her yet?

Did you get a chance to ask her if anything else is bothering her?

Much like her mother, I've learned to give her some space. Will be discussing it with her tonight.

Sometimes people change the rules on you midstream. One day your kid thinks it's funny for you to grab their phone, pretend to mess with it, and run out of the room (although I have not ever seen a kid that really did think that was really funny). And the next day your kid is more grown up and thinks you're being rude. Maybe she wants a more grown up relationship?