Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Others may think differently, but I say go for it! I understand about the not playing games, believe me, and as long as your true intent is to expand yourself, then, why not?

T^2

FY,

Yes I agree with T, it's a great idea!

I did a few dance lessons this summer -- group and private ballroom dancing. Similar sitch to yours in that my H didn't want to go. I told my H about it and he was quite interested in my progress.

I had a lot of fun doing it. Meeting new people and building confidence in myself were two things I really liked. It was awkward being that close to a man other than my H, but the dance instructors told me how to hold my head so as to avoid that "too intimate" feeling.

I quit the lessons after a couple of men expressed too much interest in me in the group lessons. Got cold feet so to speak as I didn't want a R with anybody else right now. It IS a way to meet possible dating interests after all!

Let us know how it goes it you decide to do it.

rH

FY, I went to tango classes years ago (when H was having his A). He didn't seem to care but I really enjoyed them for a while. In the end, I quit because I was having to dance with smelly men. At the time, H wouldn't have minded if I'd met someone. In fact, he says it would have been a relief. He showed zero interest in the fact that I was taking them but they helped me feel more confident and adventurous.

I'd certainly give it a go if I were you. You have nothing to lose.

I agree, FY, as long as you're doing it bc you enjoy the activity, do it. Don't do anything based on the positive or negative response your W might have.

Wow, thanks ladies and gent, your advice on the dance issue has been very helpful!



A tale of Mrs FY and Mlc Hyde:

Last night my wife and I were connecting a little more than usual. So, after my shower, I came out by her and massaged her head and brushed her hair for a few minutes. I don't do this very often, maybe once every week or two. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or have her feel I'm clinging on her. Besides any accidental touch, this is the only physical contact we have. As usual, she seemed to enjoy it, closed her eyes and made a couple quiet cooing sounds. Any advice regarding this?

Several minutes afterwards, she starts getting upset when our dog is pestering her while she's typing away on her iPad. I was discussing the dogs needs with her, when she abruptly shouts "OH F-U!" Shocked, I calmly asked if she was saying that to me. (I will not accept being cursed at like that!) In a highly aggravated tone she says NO, I WAS TRYING TO SEND THIS EMAIL AND NOW I LOST IT BECAUSE OF THE DOG". I said ok, bowed out of the situation, took care of the dog and gave her space.

As always, she told me good night when she went to bed later.

This morning she tells me her and gf are going out for a drink after work tonight. Just a few minutes ago she called to tell me where they are, "because I didn't mention it this morning and wanted to let you know where I am". When she gets home I typically get to hear about her night out. Gosh I love my girl!

FY, your W's behavior is interesting. The only insights I have are about the hair combing part. Don't read too much into it. My H still asks me to play with his hair and the D is in the process. That said, it's a nice way to connect. :-)

My wife and I spent new year's eve night together at home. I had the Dick Clark countdown on TV but she didn't spend much time with me. She was typing away on her iPad, but did join me when a few of her favorite musical artists came on, including the nutty Gangnam dance guy, which she really got into as she danced along.

Later, when the Chicago countdown show was on, the band Soul Asylum played "Runaway Train", a song I know has become one of my wife's favorites. Read the lyrics and I think you'll see why...



When the song was finished, my wife says "Wow, what a coincidence, they played that song just as I was writing about how I didn't run away this year.

All I could think of saying was "Wow".

As there was under 10 minutes left until new year, I went over by her and brushed her hair into the countdown. She stopped typing and accepted the brushing, and when the new year hit, I gave her a hug. She did not hug back.

Regarding the comment "I was just writing about how I didn't run away this year...", should I revisit (ask about) it tomorrow? Probably not.

Didju end up saying anything about this?

How did your New Year's Day go?

rH

Thanks for checking in RH. No, I decided not to approach the running away subject unless she mentions it again. If I had thought of something at the time, that may have been helpful, but I don’t think any good could come from bringing it up now. She’s obviously still conflicted on whether she wants to move on or not.

Our New Years Day went as follows:

I made a nice breakfast which she thanked me for. I then proceeded to take down all the x-mas decorations, (that I also put up by myself) while my wife busied herself cleaning the master bathroom. This took her more than 2 hours as she did quite a thorough job and even sorted through the medicine cabinet, and more. Afterwards I complimented her for how great it turned out but she wasn’t accepting it. “It’s not done but I gave up” were her words.

I found a book she’s been reading called “Grace: Quotes & Passages for Heart, Mind, and Soul”. I thought this sounded positive so I checked it out online.



Later wife went into our home gym and did a workout onn her own. After about 30-40 mintes I said I was going to Sports Authority to return a shirt and she expressed desire to join me. She ended up buying three tops and a some running pants.

Later one of my TKD partners came over and him and I trained for about an hour.

Even though we both like to exercise, wife will not do it with me. She also finds it hard to act happy or allow herself to have fun with me, but can do so with others. My guess is she still “wants to be independent and discover her identity,” (her words) which she believes she can’t do while with me.

FY, it seems as though your W isn't pulling away as much. She joined you to go shopping and thanked you. I think she's cleaning so much bc she wants a certain sense of control in her life, which she probably does not feel right now. Your W seems to be going through a life crisis, maybe triggered by the death of her mother, as I think you suggested.

Thank you for all the wonderful advice you provide on this board!