Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Heavy Lifting Solo

If I were in your shoes, I would be tempted to proactively go into Plan B as opposed to being put in a position of it happening it to you. The reason is that it shows your W that she is not the one controlling the situation. That you have free will and are not bound by her decisions. It shows her that her actions are NOW causing things to happen TO her, ie, she is losing her M because of her actions. She is now losing you... not getting rid of you.

I think that there is a subconscious mental difference there.

Breakdown - I was reading all this earlier today and didn't have a chance to drop a line. I am sorry about all this BS your W keeps throwing at you. It is incredibly frustrating, especially after all the hard work you've done in earnest. I know that feeling... they act like everything's ok but when you talk to them, it's all horrible and they haven't changed their mind about any of it.

I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow, and that you can put some of this aside for the day. I hope your W realizes how awesome you are before it's too late for her.

That's basically where I'm at. I'm going to make these next two months awesome and then, if we still have a court date come Jan, I will have to go Plan B to take care of me.



Thanks so much Regret. So far, our holiday is going awesome!

I hope yours turns out great too!



Me too!

Journal:

Not much to report. Had a great holiday with family. W was an awesome host for a couple of days and then spent a couple of days with her side of the family.

The only bump we had was on Fri she dropped kids off and said she was going back to go shopping with her Mom. That was only partially true, as I saw her on this side of town. Her phone also appeared to be off for a couple of hours, but I'll let that go. I did ask her about her phone and why she was over this way and she said she was giving someone a ride and her phone was acting up. On one hand, my W is an extremely giving person, but the problem I have with that is the person she was giving a ride rents from OM and lives behind him. And it's so far out of the way, it seems a little weird. Of course, I didn't ask the where from/to question, so maybe he was some place else. Who knows. The phone issue could be true or not. She's lied about it before, so I kinda assume it to be bull, but it does happen and she did seem genuine about it.

At this point I decided to just let it go. I was polite, but a bit detached, and pretty much have been the whole weekend. We watched a couple of family movies last night which was fun, and this AM W initiated ML but being in limbo sometimes drags on you.

We're going for massages this afternoon and then we'll probably grab a beer or go for sushi. I am slipping back to "enjoy the moment" again and looking forward to it. Our cruise is in two weeks so I'm back on eating right and working out.

Hi Breakdown, Happy to read your update and that you are getting back into 'enjoy the moment' mode again. :-)

You sound good and that makes me smile :-)

Have a great day.

"Enjoy the moment", I think I heard that somewhere before . It's really been helping me so thanks for tip and just remember those 3 words.

I think you handled her story on Friday pretty well. Playing 20 questions never ends well. My problem is in past I wouldn't believe my W's answers half the time anyway so it just started a fight for no reason.

Oh yeah, my screen name on BOP2 is sparty3030 so hit me up sometime, we can shoot at people and vent about our W's . Take care.

Thanks Busting. I'm in a pretty good place, but it ebbs and flows. Sometimes the limbo seems awesome and sometimes it seems like someone is sitting on my chest.



I'm just passing it forward When I got to focusing on each day, I really did get to a sense of peace that I hadn't been able to get to prior. Breaking that down to the "moments" really takes it to another level. I have to remind myself too....but it works.



Yeah, the problem with us is that it's trust on both sides. My W doesn't trust me not to flip out when she tells me the truth, so she lies. And when she lies, it makes me think it must really be something bad for her to lie about. We've talked about it and both understand the dynamic, but it's been years in the making and is hard to unravel. All I can do is focus on my part...being calm and understanding so building that trust, so that she feels safe telling me anything. Of course, with pending D on the horizon, that's no easy task.

Have had a stressful, busy, hectic, accomplished week!

Monday was great, but we've been extremely busy getting ready for our trip next week, and trying to prep a bit for x-mas and D11's bday (which is during our cruise).

We went to a church function together Wed, and being more active in the church is a big'n for my W, so that was good. We gave blood together yesterday (first time for me, and first time in 20 years for my W, so again, good!) and also had a showing on our house last night that went really well. We are preparing for a 2nd showing tonight and hoping this may turn into an offer. The house has been a huge stressor for us for the last couple of years for a couple different reasons and still remains a sore spot, so would be a huge burden lifted off of us.

I've got a Dr. appt Tuesday and will discuss the high level of anxiety I sometimes have. I feel like I'm a little late taking care of this as I'm in much better mental health now than I have been over the last year, but I still have the occassional issue so I'm going to at least get some counsel.

W has been a bit hot and cold honestly, but I find that when she starts to distance herself, instead of pursuing, I simply distance myself or enjoy the space she's giving me. It's kinda funny (and good!) to see how fast she changes gears and begins pursuing.

9 days to sailing!

Hey Breakdown,
Nice to catch up on how you and your sich is going (minus the Jan court date - then again that's more than a month away). I'll hope your W comes to her sense before that day. Hang in there!