I've been going through a lot of thinking in the last 24 hrs.
Probably will change my mind again, but I feel so done.
The affidavit that stbx wrote to accompany the D application and order for separation of finances was, from my point of view, a re-write of everything we have experience during our M.
The scary thing for me is that I think he has convinced himself that his version is true. Financially, it was completely self-serving.
Someone who would write and sign such a thing as a 'true' version of what happened, for the purposes of a court of law is either a deliberate liar or is suffering from some sort of mental problem.
I know that's black-and-white thinking but you can't imagine the 'story' that he's concocted.
The thing that 'got' to me the most was his claim that we'd been separated (but living under the same roof) for one whole year before bomb drop.
It just beggars belief that he'd claim this. When he says we 'separated' we were actually enjoying the hol of a life-time in Europe.
I've been going through a lot of thinking in the last 24 hrs.
Probably will change my mind again, but I feel so done.
The affidavit that stbx wrote to accompany the D application and order for separation of finances was, from my point of view, a re-write of everything we have experience during our M.
The scary thing for me is that I think he has convinced himself that his version is true. Financially, it was completely self-serving.
Someone who would write and sign such a thing as a 'true' version of what happened, for the purposes of a court of law is either a deliberate liar or is suffering from some sort of mental problem.
I know that's black-and-white thinking but you can't imagine the 'story' that he's concocted.
The thing that 'got' to me the most was his claim that we'd been separated (but living under the same roof) for one whole year before bomb drop.
It just beggars belief that he'd claim this. When he says we 'separated' we were actually enjoying the hol of a life-time in Europe.
This is so weird.
As is the case with most things, there will be three sides to this: your side, his side, and the truth.
His L is looking out for his best interest, and yours will too. Somewhere in the middle is where it will end up.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
I am sorry you are dealing now with the "official" D proceedings. I was served a few months ago and yes, no matter how much you "prepare" mentally for it, it still punches you in the gut when it actually happens.
Yet you sound so strong right now. I just caught up reading and I can see how much LaBug and others have been supporting you and helping you since the parking lot incident. As someone else already mentioned, it took a lot of courage for you to come here and post about it. It would have been so much easier to just not mention or deal with it, but you are a great person and you are trying to do the right things and become a better person and that is admirable. I hope you can put that incident behind, forgive yourself and focus on today, because in the end, that is all we have.
I am also relieved to hear that you will get together with your L at this time. I understand that your financial situation is dire and without going into a lot of details here, I will tell you that I am in a similar situation. Yet I know that since our spouses won't hold off on the D process, we need to do whatever - borrow, beg or whatever we need to to pay for that L and make sure we protect our kids and ourselves.
I am sure your L knows (or will soon learn) the exact extent of your financial limitations, so perhaps you can ask him/her what kind of payment plans or options they have or what usually proceeds in cases like this. In addition, when you respond / negotiate, you can request that your H pays for all your legal expenses. That is definitely a negotiating point and while you might need to cover those costs initially, you may see that $ come back eventually. IDK, just a thought.
Finally, I also think that the whole D process will be less overwhelming for you if you have the support and guidance from an expert looking out for your best interests - your situation is quite complicated.
NLW, hang in there - we will survive this, and if we choose to, we will thrive.
Remember you are NOT alone. Come and vent, share and find support. We are here.
(((((((NLW)))))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
OK, Very busy getting prepped for D17's prom this week, so I'll respond to everyone as soon as I can.
Need to vent tonight though.
The kids just told me that, at school, both of their Heads of House (senior masters in charge of pastoral care) had spoken to them.
The kids' have been questioned about their lack of a relationship with their father and told not to be swayed by 'how angry your parents are'.
From what the kids said, it appears that stbx has gone to their schools and told them that I am an angry, abusive woman who has turned the kids against him and is limiting his access to them.
He has also suggested that I and the kids are a potential threat to OW's niece and nephew who attend the same schools.
All of a sudden I understand the strange thing he said last time he was spewing at me: "The kids' schools won't do a thing."
About what? I thought. Never envisaged that he'd go to them to complain about me.
Clever way to retaliate, though. I can envisage the two of them cooking this up. I am the crazy bitter maniac ex-Wife who just can't move on. No wonder he left me.
Keep on the high road and the school will know what's what. The advice the HOH gave them was good. I'm sure they see this type of thing from time to time.
What did you say when the kids told you about the talks?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm going to give you the same advice that my therapist did a couple of weeks ago. Get your heart out of this and let your brain take over for a little while. What does this mean? While I know this hurts you, there is a bigger thing at play here. I'm not liking what your H is doing here. You need to start documenting this stuff for a potential court hearing. That NEEDS to happen. You need to start protecting yourself. Your H is trying to turn this into something ugly and bitter and you need to do your best to thwart that. You also need to be VERY mindful about what you do and don't say to the children right now as they also can be called into court (I was). You are in a game of chess right now with him, you are armed with better info than he is and given his R with OW, he's already lost his queen. Don't give yours away!
I understand your pain and anguish, believe me. You have been through so much. But no amount of love and sympathy is going to protect you... YOU have to protect you.
this is a great opportunity to prove H wrong by showing everyone that you will not be pulled in or provoked by his actions. i remember being worried too about what my W was telling everyone.... but since then i have realized that people are smarter than i was giving them credit for, and that the truth becomes apparent. let your actions speak volumes of how you are handling this with dignity and grace, NLW. i know it is hard, but you will feel so strong as you triumph over this.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
