Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers House for sale. So Sad. Family Breaking Up (pt 3)

You are awesome Ruby. I would tell you the same thing. Amazing, isn't it. I guess if it were easy, there would be no divorces or at least no one struggling through them. Together it is!
She did love the fact I lived on my own when we met and was blown away I could cook etc when we dated. I would make her dinner all the time. She was not used to that. I am picky about hygiene etc. she loves that. She feels it is more of the confidence piece and that I gave up on myself. I was so busy with everything else, I did forget about myself, and my R with my W. we both did that though. I believe I had my confidence, but was unhappy but after the A, well that sent the confidence to a low I was unfamiliar with and struggled with it. My confidence is returning but likely late, and the bitterness in both of us makes connection impossible. I think my 180's I may have come off as angry as opposed to moving on. I stayed out of her way and did not communicate with her for months. Mimicked her in the ignoring and no responding and cold shoulder. It was unnatural for me. I am a talker.

I am a talker too. Became a listener insteAd. I think DB is also what works for you. Talking and communicating is what works for me but honestly and authentically. No more games
H went lc/nc on me a couple of days ago. I emailed him today and basically in a nice way said wtf? He said he needs to figure stuff out and to do so he has to be by himself. I said that is true and you can't be good with anyone or anywhere until you are good with self. So I said I wasn't going to contact him but he could call anytime. Said it did not mean I didn't care. Just the opposite. So while DB does not recommend this lol I know it works for us. The 180 is not trying to force him to do what I want him to

So even bough they recommend the lc/nc, I think it is to protect you, not so much to make your wife see you are awesome and fine with out her

I do need to listen. W has definitely criticized me for that. I am the same on honest and authentic communication. I don't think she can get there on a deep level. It scares her.
Looks like I will be forced out by end of Feb with nowhere to go. I have to delay that the best I can.

Living on borrowed time.

I just don't know what to do. My kids don't want to stay in the house if we are all not together. She is bent on buying me out now and I am in process of securing approved mortgage to do the same. I really want to stop this split and time has run out. What can I do? ? ?
I came across some old cards, and notes ... Well some weren't that old, within the 9 months to last two and 3 years. How proud she is of me, how proud she is of how wonderful of a husband and father I am, how much she loves our family. That was very recent April. She notes how life is easy with me and that was even after 10 years of marriage. How appreciative she was of how much I put into our family and that she loved me because I was thoughtful and caring. I know she felt this way because she did express it too. Even though the money was good and i worked so hard I know I had some stressful times at work 2008-2010 and i am sure that showed. That is when we disconnected And she had A at beginningof 2011 for 3 months. She won't even talk to me except through L. I detached months ago full on 180/lLRT and it is still full steam ahead and pace picked up and litigation more nasty. I am trying to slow litigation down as much as I can and my L is helping me with that as best he can.
It would be easy if I did not love her still even through all this and knowing how much she did love me and counted on me. She is so angry.
What can I do? ? ?

Be an honorable man.

Why does the litigation have to get nasty?

W ( or her L) has made it so. From changing minds on custody, support, the home, the kids, accusations etc etc. All lies. W has just been so nasty. Won't discuss the simplest of things to do with money or kids without her L.

I always thought I was and believe I still am. What am I doing or not doing that is not honourable? Everyone is telling me I am and to stick with my core values.

In your situation, I wouldn't either. My H and I have a cordial relationship but if/when it comes to D, I will make sure that I let the lawyers do the lawyering. My H is a nice, fair man but I know he will make sure his best interests are taken care of, as we both should.

Try not to judge what she's doing and sit back and let the lawyers do their jobs. What you see as nasty, someone else might see as making sure her best interests are taken care of. Even you admit that you don't know who is instigating the tactics. So some things were changed and they could change back. I think it's all part of the game of negotiation.

Don't take it personally.

I think you really have to focus on what is right for you and the kids. Based on all the flip flopping, I would get into CYA mode. Start documenting things if you haven't already.

I don't think it has to be nasty, but you have to stand up and say what you want and fight for what you think is right, and honestly, that might be better done thru the attorneys than direct with the W. Keep your emotions in check.

Hang in there bud.