This is what I feel like sending W, ( Again I have not but very very tempting) I have found the List of feelings very helpful, in understand myself, and what I was experiencing.
Wife,
Why do you think I would to hurt you? What have I done to you that makes you think I want to hurt you? I have not put you down in anyway. I feel devalued by your actions and words. If you are uncomfortable with me or the decision we need to make, you can tell me without putting me down or ignoring me. You have rights and so do I. I was only been standing up for myself. This is strange to me, that is what you said was missing in me. That is one of the reason you told me you left me, you said, I did not stand-up to up for myself. Look to see who your real enemies are, if you do have any, you should know I am not one of them. I cannot stand to see you as you were that day of the last session, it tears me apart. For some reason I knew in that you were going to run out , that is how well I know you, As soon as I saw you put your scarf into your purse I knew it. This was a fair and cordial conversation. None of what was being discussed should have shocked you. I was being open and honest, and have always been, nothing said there was new. There was more than enough time to prepare. The things you said to me hurt, for some reason you have built me up to be this monster of a person that I am not, a person that I have never been and never will be. I am not anger at you. You know me, and you know it is difficult for me to be a harmful or hurtful person, I have difficult not helping a stranger why would you even think I would treat you any differently. Yes this all has been difficult, there are no winners in this. Both of us have suffered an enormous loss. The wounds from this will run deep, and will leave strong emotional scars, I am willing as I have always been to help them heal. Husband PS When you wrote to me, " Whatever you THINK you are doing to hurt me You cannot", I thought of this list of feelings http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html Please explain to me what I have done to cause any of these feelings, seems to me like you have done that to yourself.
Should I move to another thread, It has been more than seven months since W left, things are not resolved in fact that are pretty much that same. It now two weeks since my Mediation when she ran out of the office.
My trite posts was here I did not say that to her, guess after six months I was getting alittle angry with her. Now my therapist has asked my why would you want to go back with someone who has treated you like she has? She has shut people out of her life and it was only time for before she did it to you I tell her, that love her, that is why
Always do the right things for the right reasons, and stick to your guns with calm and clear confidence. This too shall pass.
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
You are told that pain is there to educate you, to help you learn from your mistakes, you regret you will never forget. You are told, "you have done all you could." Walks down empty streets to sit in empty churches, Light candles to Saints above, prays to help the one you love. You are told to be strong, When did everything go wrong? You try not to cry, You try to preoccupy. Months have passed, will turn to years How much time before you stop the tears? You are told things will get better, You will be happier. So you're told.
I really want to reach out to her, but I know should not. I have been thinking about all my past relationships with girlfriends in my life, I there was only one the I broke up with, all the others dumped me, I and now it has happen again with the one I really fell for, why does this keeping happening to me. [censored],
Then I was thinking more about it, and remembered that everyone of those girlfriends tried to get me back after a few months, one after about a year, but I was not unable to return to hurt. gotta go more later
