Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers almost 3 months....seems like eternity

There is an old saying: Grin, it makes people wonder what you are up to.

I totally get where you are at and especially after the friend shares intel with you. That must have really knocked you down a peg or two.

The one thing you have to keep in mind though is that regardless of what your W might be telling herself and others, it doesn't mean she is incapable of changing her mind. She can put on the happy face and pretend she has a plan and everything is going to come up roses, but we all know that life has a way of pushing back on our best laid plans and shoving a strong dose of reality down our throats.

Here is a quick synopsis on my sitch. In September 2011 my W says she is DONE!! DONE!!! She nearly has a nervous breakdown because of the stress of her choice and the affair she was having at the time. I moved out (bad move on my part but too late). Fast forward 4.5 months and my W lands in the hospital emergency room suffering from pneumonia which 2 days later turns into heart failure. She was in ICU for over week as I recall. She nearly died. But she did finally recover after I helped nurse her back to health.

A few months later, I really started to detach. I went on a week long trip to Spain. I visited friends in Vegas. I started exploring other interests (salsa dancing, cooking, etc.). Then I got a consulting gig 1500 miles away which had me away from home 2 weeks at a stretch. I guess you could say I went pretty dark.

During this time, W became very curious about what I was up to. Every other weekend when it was time to head back to the gig and I was giving the kids their hugs and kisses, there she was waiting for her goodbye hug.

There are a lot of other signs and signals I could describe but for now I think you get my point. Start living for you. Stop the pursuit in all its forms and get a life that is as separate from your W as possible. Try to keep things mysterious. The next time you see her on the freeway, wave and pull ahead and don't look back.

And don't forget to grin a little!!

yeah soooo,

A friend of mine (female) that I used to see casually before meeting my W, who is also going through a divorce/separation, that I have been conversing with....hope that makes sene. Anyway, we both had a bad day today, in regards to our spouses. We have been sharing our situations over the last couple weeks via phone convos. Today was rough, and I asked her if she wanted to meet for a drink after work. Before I even said it, I was telling myself, "what are you doing". Then while driving, about one mile before getting to the lounge, I started to have some anxiety. What was I doing? I told myself,"hey this is nothing more than having a drink with a friend'. The night went well, we laughed, we shared, she had fun, I had fun. BUT, She asked me to continue the evening at a nightclub. I declined! Everything thing ended on a nice note, nothing even remotely permisuious or shady. However, I am strugling with the fact that I had drinks with a woman other than my wife, at a bar! Is that wrong? I just feel a little dirty, even though it was totally innocent. On the other hand, it felt really good socializing with a woman that seemed interested in what I had to say....sooooo out of sorts right now! Lots of emotions. Man, I just want my family back!!!!!!

And that's how EAs start.

^^^

You are absolutely right, Labug! I really need to be more focused on what I am doing. Yesterday was a low point that I will not be returning to.

Just catching up on your sitch. Unfortunately I know how you have been feeling lately. I think my wife is just being friendly while planning her escape. She denies this. However, as soon as she is financially able to move out she will (my belief). This does really hurt to think about it this way though. Good luck.

Try and stay positive while continuing your DBing and 180's.

Hi, sucker,

DOn't beat yourself up about the drink out w your friend. Obviously you recognize this as NOT a good idea. I agree w bug that IS how EA's start.

I too talk w a friend at work who is going thru a hard time w his W. We are both DBing. We support each other's efforts to try to save our M's. BUT, I too recognize the very fine line that can be crossed by really enjoying that there is a person of the opposite sex who enjoys talking to you.

Thanks everyone. I am not even remotely prepared to open myself up for any type of relationship. I simply need to realize that I can't place myself in situations like that.

In regards to my sitch, I am not sure if I am really beginning to detach, or if possibly visiting with a woman or my other GAL activities, are really helping me now. However, my W was out this weekend. We had very little contact, actually none other than talks with D. Usually, that would have drove me nuts, wondering where she was, what she was doing, who she was or was not leaving our D with, how much money she was spending. But, this time I really didn't care all that much. I was doing my own thing. I thought about her, but not enough to keep me awake at night.

Tonight, she asked me to come over to check on a possible water leak in the basement of my building. She lives in the studio on the third floor. So, I simply let myself in the basement and went to work. D wanders down to say hi, then W. After I was finished, in typical fashion, W asks me for some help. She wants to know if I have a cable to connect her laptop to her TV so her and D can watch Netflicks. Usually, I would jump at the opertunity to help her out. Tonight I said, "I am sure they make a cable for that. Maybe try looking on monoprice.com. I better get running", and out the door I went. I was still nice in my demeanor, but did not offer any real assistance to her. Time for her to put her big girl panties on!

Tomorrow I get daughter back for a week, and I have been happy as a clam all day! I hope I can keep my PMA going strong.

You're getting there, just keep walking your path.