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I'm sure not many will agree with what I did. Keep in mind, we aren't married, never have been married, and I haven't calmly done this before.

Early in the day she texts me about this matter I don't want to put on here. I tell her it needs to get resolved but I also ask if she's seriously with OM and she says yes, she's told me and I know where she's been staying. At this point I tell her that if she isn't going to sleep here again and work on things with me then she needs to get her stuff out. She says she's going to work on it. I tell her that way we both can move on with our lives without worrying about the other and it was nice knowing her. I tell her that I'm sorry I made her miserable, that I made mistakes and lost a special woman, and I hope she's happy in her new life.

That is a summary of the text exchange we had. A couple hours later I text and say there is something I'd like to chat with her about and asked if she would call me if she got a chance. An hour later I get the call, I stayed calm and did my best to sound confident but my heart was racing and my breath was shallow.

On the call I told her that I still care about her and the kids and I want them to be happy. I told her that if fully moving out, moving on, and being with somebody else is what she believes will make her happy and is the best for the kids I support her. I told her that if she ever changes her mind, even in a year, to not be afraid to talk to me. I said that I couldn't make guarantees that we would get back together but that I wanted to keep the lines of communication open in that regard, I just didn't want her to fear approaching me if she wanted to get back with me.

I did this b/c I've run across some posts by ppl worrying that once they detach the WAS might be afraid to try and come back b/c of the mess they've made. Also, anger issues, treating her like a child, etc have been problems. I know I have to back those words up with actions now.

When I told her that was everything she just started telling me about how much she's working her two jobs, isn't getting to spend time with the kids, is struggling with money, and said she didn't want me thinking she was ignoring me. I told her I understood, I know how it feels to work that much, and that I didn't think she was ignoring me. Oldest child is with his father tomorrow for his bday and she has to work on the babies first bday which I know she isn't happy about and I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I just validated best I could.

She was telling me how she's hardly getting to eat with the hours she's working and she was spending her day off doing laundry. I told her that if she needed food at work she could ask me to drop it off. I told her I wouldn't always be able to but she could ask. Then I told her that if she needed help with the laundry she could bring it by the house. I wrapped up the conversation and said goodbye first.

Oh, forgot this, got a bunch more of her/kids stuff organized into the spare room and out of the living room. Still have to work on getting her stuff out of the bathroom.

Well, at least you know that. That's a start.

Just so you know, "Nice Guy"/supplicating almost never works, Zoom. Just sayin.'


Starsky

Well j I have to say in one fell swoop you managed to come off as codependent needy and weak. Sorry to bust your chops but you pretty much just told her that she can do whatever she pleases and you will take her back. Now please answer this what woman do think would even find this remotely attractive?

Maybe I don't know how to convey this correctly. I feel at peace. And I was thinking of what kind of person I want to be.

I am Wiccan and haven't been practicing it very well lately. In Wicca there is the three-folds law. Whatever energy you put out into the universe comes back to you x3. It can be three different things or something 3x as intense. Hence, I want to be the person who is willing to do little positive things, that really don't take much from me, but can turn somebodies day around. I've been a controlling jerk long enough.

I don't believe I'll be asked for food and I doubt she'll be bringing her laundry around. If she views me as weak and unattractive so be it. I've opened the cage, dropped the rope, whatever, it's her life and her choices to make.

I actually told my friend that I have no hope anymore. I'm just going to get my finances in order and GAL.

Really J? You've done nothing to GAL. Every post by you is her her her. What exactly have you done to GAL? J do you respect yourself? I don't think you do. She has clearly moved on and here you are stuck spinning your wheels. Is this how you want to live?

Went out Wed night to a kind of mingling event and flirted with two attractive women. Cleaned up my house. Started smoking my pipes in the house again. Watching movies I've been wanting to see via cheap Redbox. GALing is a little difficult for me b/c I am very strapped for cash.

Then why are you here? You don't follow any of the DB advice, and seem hell-bent on just doing what you feel like doing anyway.


Starsky

GAL doesn't require you to go out on the town J. To me GAL also means living YOUR life the way YOU want to. One of my GAL activities is music. I love to listen to music. I have my main system set up in my basement so I go down there for hours at a time to unwind. I download a lot of music burn things to cd and dvd and it doesn't cost me a lot either.

Did he just randomly go and do it for you? Just show up with lunch, coffee, a nice little gift? When you were talking to yourself about your to-do list at work did he overhear and just beat you to getting that stapler you needed?

That's not my plan. I offered up and I'm done. I opened up the cage, dropped the rope, just said, I'm here if you need/want me but you'll have to come tap me on the shoulder b/c I'm walking the other way now.



Everybody told me my sitch is different b/c of not being married. Perhaps I shouldn't have been here in the first place. It was a place I found to online journal, vent, and see what ppl had to say without a chance of her finding out.



I'm funny about this thing called "copyright". Great that you escape in music, doesn't work for me. Watching TV/movies/reading can work for me that way sometimes and I am doing them.