Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wow, have things changed

Well, I'm sorry to hear things went this way, in a way. Suckerpunch is right about the emotions, I've made my sitch worse that way too. The loneliness is killer. Glad to hear you have a plan to GAL and are feeling hopeful.

Yeah, jzoom, I actually think it is for the best. We just got off the phone and were talking about the 2 options he has. Both have month to month options, but the 3 month lease is so much cheaper that he plans on that. He said, "worst case, I lose a month or 2 of money. To end my anger and depair and I to start treating you how you deserve, it's money I would spend 3 times over." He then asked how I felt. I had just been meditating on a walk on a break I just took. "While I am of course sad, I have more hope. Hope for myself, that I can really focus on me and what I want. I feel like no matter what happens, we can end up civil and able to co-parent. And I don't know if it's weird, but I see this S as more a step forward for our M, than to keep living together right now. I'm putting this in God's hands." He took a deep breath, and said "Ok, I feel so much better. I feel the same way. I feel like for the first time in months, we will be better, stronger and more whole having walked through this. I don't see this as an end, but as a beginning."

I know it will be hard and will continue to be a rollercoaster. But feelings aren't facts. I have no idea how this will turn out, but today I know in my heart what I am willing to accept and what I'm not. I am beyond grateful that I found DB and this forum. While some may not agree with an S, it is the best thing for me and my family. I know I shared this in an old post, but some may not be aware. H and I are recovering alcoholics. Each with over 10 years. I remember how I was able to blame my boyfriend for all my misery, my parents, everyone. Once I moved out and was truely alone, did I see that my misery was of my own making. Soon after I got sober. This affair/unfaithful business is an addiction for my H. He keeps going to this place that he just may not be capable of being faithful. Its a cop out. I said this to him yesterday. Do you want to be faithful, this is the qustion. God can remove this from him, if he truely wants it and works for it. He just needs to decide. Which path. And once I'm out of the way for him to blame, he can either pick up some spiritual help, or continue down the path of woman after woman to fill this void. This is what he needs to look at, before we can even look at marriage recovery. For me, I have my own self to look at, work on. Ok, I best get back to work. Ha

Wow!....you seem to be in a really good place. Keep up the excellent work.

He just called me ready to put down the deposit. Deep breath. Trust God, keep DBing!!

EXCELLENT! That took a lot of strength and courage I'm sure, but it's a perfect DB'ing response

Thanks AS! It was hard, but I do believe this!! You really are such a great support and a fountain of advice. I know I will need help during this S, and you have been there yourself.

He just called and got all squared away and will take tomorrow off and move in. My heart aches, but I know this is what has to happen. Why can't the "right" stuff not hurt. Ha. I resisted the urge to ask if he is sad. I know he is. And if he isn't, it's none of my business.

I'm glad I'm working an extra day this week, so I won't be home with the kids tomorrow. None of us need to be around while he is moving. For sure!

So, pretty sure today is the day. Last night we watched a movie & just held each other before we fell asleep. I still know in my heart that we need to S. H said he is so ripped apart, but he keeps telling himself that if he stays he will ruin our M, and if he goes we can save it. For me, I feel the same way. We both need space, it's going to be hard though. And my boundries wont change. The past few weeks he had started being more present and our interactions were mostly positive, which makes it hard, but I'm glad we are starting this from a good place.

I'm keeping the kids most of this weekend so he can get settled in. But I have my next weekend all planned. Going to buy new comforter & redecorate my bedroom. Start a char coal drawing of my kiddos, and prime my kitchen cabinets...sooo excited to paint them & get new hardware!!

Ugh, just tell me it will get better. The thought of coming home to some missing furniture is starting to really upset me.

Hey, NOTHING to do with your sitch, but home improvement and construction is one of my passions. This is regarding your cabinets. I recently remodeled a bathroom and used a product to renfinish the vanity.It comes in all sorts of colors, and you can vary the looks of the character with different application techniques. It is involved, but very DIY friendly. If it is something you think might work for you, send me a message, and I will fill you in on it and give you a few pics to show my before and afters. It turns out amazing!

This sounds really tough about the S. The fact that both of you realize this could save your M seems promising. To me it seems like a baby step, especially for him, to fess up that he needs to change since you already have.

Glad you have some GALing planned. It's hard to get your mind off of your SO. Even when I'm GALing I find myself thinking about SO b/c I have this feeling that I'd enjoy it with their company. When you get those thoughts, if you do, just get re-focused on your task ASAP.

The furniture thing...yeah, that hurts. I'm still having issues, going home and knowing I'm walking in the door to see her and the kids stuff around. Wondering if she's been at the house or not. It gets a bit better with time and the right attitude - PMA.

Hi Tallulah...sorry things have taken a turn in this way, but as I've found in my own sitch nothing changing is worse than something changing. I think he needs a reality check that you are serious. I've said on this site before that my H also seems like he has been abducted by an alien. He is so angry and mad and I just don't know why. We may never really know the answer. All we can do is push ahead and take care of ourselves.

I am dreading the day I have to send my kids off with my H. My only advise it to take care of yourself and keep busy. You are pregnant, right? Start getting ready for the baby. As you get further along you may need the time alone to rest anyway. Stay positive!!