Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Soul.Searching my way back.

SS, I feel for you. My H is also in a relationship (not sure if he's officially changed his fb status as I don't check it, but he had a ton of pics of her on there when I last checked in Oct) and he hasn't even filed for D.

Knowing what I know now, I could never date someone who was separated and not officially D. I'd be scared that they'd be running from one R right into another as my H has done.

You can't control (or even understand) what your H does, so just concentrate on you. That's something that I'm still working on every single day.

Thanks everyone. I have read all your posts several times today. I've missed you AS, I haven't seen you around much lately. Well before anyway. I haven't been reading many threads lately. I haven't been in a good place and reading other people's threads, I can feel their pain too and it can be almost unbearable ATM.
You have some great advice AS, I'd love an update on your sitch.

CV, you have given me a few wake up calls. I think I'm going to have to keep reading them, until they sink in.

The kids haven't seemed too interested in talking to me lately, they are too busy playing with her kids. It's hard not to take it personally, especially when H is telling me D9 wants to stay longer than Sunday. A week is huge to me but yet she wants more. It's all fun and games with Dad right now.
His babysitting her kids today while she is at work.
H is broke, so she must be feeding them!

We spent six days in the bush by the river and I made them put sunscreen on, several times a day. They spend one day at the beach with H and they are both sunburnt. That makes me angry! With the knowledge of the damage the sun can do, he needs to wake up! Especially convidering I think it was only my two who got burnt.


I think the hardest part is I know how sweet and caring, calm and collected H can be, I think that's why I stayed so long. I'm sure that is what she is getting right now. How can he not be angry etc, with her but yet couldn't control it with me?

He is talking about wanting to be friends and blah,

Is it bad of me to have no intension of being friends with OW? That's what he wants but I don't see it happening.

He is taking my kids camping in a few weeks, I'm sure he will ask me to borrow our camping gear. If he takes it, I don't want it back! That was our family's camping stuff, if he takes it and uses it with OW and her kids, then I don't want it!!
Is that bad of me? Is that just being childish and bitter?

Nope not childish or bitter. Okay a little, lol. H knows that I would happily run over his GF, so no need to toss the friendship coin in the fountain in my case.

Keep your DBing up, get off of FB. I refuse to be friends with H don't want to know about his GF and escapades. He is not friends with our kids anymore, so he obviously doesn't want them to see his page. Very weird....

What do you want to do about camping gear? Did you buy it? Then say no. If you bought it as a "family" as you said, is it worth the emotion? I think not. You have better stuff to do than stress about some gear. Although, I did throw away all H's good socks a couple months ago lol! He left them so......

SS, it's not unreasonable for it to be beyond the scope of your imagination at this time to be accepting of your STBex's GF. You haven't even gotten to the point of accepting that your M is probably over. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't try to bite off everything at one time.

The only thing I would suggest is to not burn any bridges in the meantime. I think it was our Abraham Lincoln that said, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." It's not important for you to imagine it now, but in the future, your acceptance of the situation and her will make life easier for you and your children. Again, I'm only speaking from the experience I had with my H's ex, and the trauma she inflicted on everyone, including her children.

It's really too far out in the future for you to be thinking about this. You don't even know if your H will be staying with her. Focus on you. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face regarding silly material things like camping gear. It's so unfortunate that you weren't afforded more time to get used to being separated before having to deal with the OW too. It is tough and you need to be patient with yourself. (())

The camping gear was brought as a family, for our family and has been used many times. I used it for the first time, without H just last week. I can't imagine wanting to use it again, after H uses it with OW in a few weeks.
If money wasent an issue, I'd just give it to him, without feeling bitter.
I asked him about that when he was moving out and he said he was leaving it for me. I don't want it back after they use it.
It sounds childish and I don't like being that person but really?
I would hate sleeping in that tent after he used it etc.

If he takes it, he can shove it where the sun don't shine.

H has been talking about being friends and about still being there for me and still doing stuff for me. I don't need him! He hasent been there for me when I found out about my Aunt, he was there the day of the funeral? That's it.
He wasent there for me when I lost my dear old cat or when I lost two beautiful dogs in one day. I don't want to be friends with OW and I know that's what he wants.
I don't want her coming to S8's football matches.
I don't like her! I don't like someone who is supposed to be a mother herself and yet sees no problem with dating a man three months after a marriage breakdown, sees nothing wrong with having his children sleep there less than four months after a marriage breakdown.

As for Facebook, I removed him as a friend a few weeks ago but stuff still gets back to me. he told me he would get his Mum to save all my FB photos of the kids for him!! How rude, they are my photos! My memories. I sure don't want his photos.

On another note: I have almost done the kids rooms. They had to be rearranged because of Christmas stuff. It should be done by the time they get back hopefully.

This is getting almost comical!! So my children have been with their father for the past three days. I was talking to D9 on the phone yesterday and she asked if I had set their pool up yet. I told her I was probably doing it today. Well today H calls and tells me he is setting up a pool at OW's house as she went out and brought one lastnight! Seriously? Now she is on the competition band wagon, along with H? Wake up people! Or should I say grow up!

H is back to wanting to talk again, I'm not really interested. He keeps mentioning OW, if he thinks we will ever be friends, he needs to wake up!
If he is trying to make me jealous, he needs to realize he is only showing me what a looser he is.

Was telling me today about all the debt he is in! I'm not surprised. That was one of the main things we fought over! Me making sure bills were paid before unnessasery purchases were made.

I wonder how desperate OW must be. Supporting a guy she has know for a month, while he keeps spending money on himself. Lol sounds like a real catch!

I've been getting a lot of stuff done around here, while the kids are with H.
Still trying to keep H and OW out of my mind, I don't want them there, either of them.

Keeping them out of your mind as much as you can and focusing on you is the best thing you can do. Keep it up!

Hey SS,
Thought I'd stop in and say I'm glad you're keeping busy for you and the kids will benefit from all of your hardwork.
Also, happy that you can laugh off some of the ridiculousness that is occurring within your sich.

Do your best, learn from when you don't, and then Do even better!

((( )))

Thanks guys. It is hard, especially when H calls morning and night to ask if I want to talk to the kids and then most of the time, ends up talking himself.
Well except, he hasent called tonight. I think his pissed at me. What's new? Lol

He called this morning for the kids to talk, then asked me if he could borrow some console games, as OW has a console. After some silence, I told him he could take them but I didn't want them back, not after he took them to use with OW. I also told him I want him to collect all of his stuff from here, in the next few weeks, as I'm not just going to be waiting to see what he wants next.
Some if the games were ones he brought or ones I brought for him.
He told me when he left that he didn't want them, I could have them.

I don't really care about them, there's a lot more important things to worry about but I am not sharing stuff from when we were a family, with him and OW.
It might sound childish but that's how I feel. If he wants them he can have them but I'm not sharing them. I'm sick of passing stuff back and forth.

He said he had to buy everything again, then got pissed and said he will be picking the boat back up again soon. Apparently he is going to sell it and buy a better one. Good for him!

I'll get my own boat one day, I don't need "his"
I'm not using it anyway. It's only here because he can't afford rego.

So he didn't call tonight and since I talked to the kids already today, I think I'll wait until tomorrow to call. I think it's been bugging them, talking to me so much on the phone.

Well, it happened. the family member I was talking about passed away. His not in any pain now. It still hurts though.
I called H to tell him, he didn't answer the first couple of calls. I don't think he talks to me much when his GF is around. I think he calls me when she is not.
So I told him and he said he will come down for the funeral and be there for me. I just said "Thanks"

His way of being there for me at my Aunts funeral a couple of months ago was by constantly cuddling me and holding my hand.
I can't let him do that while he is seeing OW!?
It would feel wrong. I'm not expecting him to even turn up anyway.
I think OW has even stopped him from getting the kids to call me, when she is around.

He asked if I was okay, I said yes. ( I tried not to but I was crying, started as soon as I was about to tell him.) then he asked me what was wrong!! ( I just went silent, but was thinking "Did you not just hear what I said?!)
He said " Talk to me" I just said " He's at piece now."

I don't understand that. I just told him about a family member passing away and he asks me what's wrong! He's just weird.
Was telling me to call him if I needed someone to talk to and blah, blah.

I'm hoping that this is the end of all this death and seperation.
I'm scared to think that it's over. Scared to think its not.
It's just been such a hard six months. Seperation from my H, three family members have passed away, three much loved and old family pets.
It's just so much in such a little time. I just don't understand it.