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Glad to hear things are progressing. Thank you for your input on my sitch as well.

Glad to hear this! If we get to a place where things are a bit calmer, I plan to see if my H would go to this. Communication can use some help.

I am so happy to read your update and progress AS. You really are a wonderful source of support to us all. I wish you and your family all of the best.

((((((((( )))))))))

You are such an inspiration! I agree that you need to move slowly with your W. Please keep us posted on the progress.

Thanks again for all the kind comments, they're greatly appreciated

We had our first RetroV followup session this past Saturday. What a difference a week makes, all the same couples that were laughing, holding hands and getting along great last Sunday at the end of the weekend were right back to being the same stone statues they were on the first day (Friday). The session went poorly, it was supposed to be from 12-4 but the presenters got really distracted with a strange display of mutual affirmation among themselves that lasted almost an hour. They're all close friends, but I don't think they seemed to understand that we in the group barely know them, so it was a bit odd to us. The two older couples then stepped out and left the youngest couple to handle the session and they just didn't have the experience to do it properly. They struggled the whole time. W totally checked out, I could see it in her eyes and she confirmed it in our conversation during the drive back. We left at 3:15 to make the hour drive back to catch part of S10's basketball game that started at 4. Then W skipped the daily dialoging Saturday and again Sunday. She had said originally that she would only commit to going to the first followup, so I texted her today and told her that if she's not committed to continuing the dialoging and followup sessions then I'm fine with discontinuing them. She seems to be in the same place she was back when we were going through MC, just going through the motions but her heart isn't in it. She hasn't replied back so she's probably still thinking it over. She's also pulled back on texting and phone calls the last several days, and she took the kids to lunch without inviting me yesterday and I found out later that OM (who she still says is just a friend) was there. I've been maintaining my distance rather than get bogged down in the distance/ pursuit cycle, so I can honestly say it hasn't affected me much. But it's still all really disappointing considering it seemed like progress was being made.



LOL! Amen to that brother! I've cried more since BD then the rest of my life added together!! Thankfully that's let up a lot though, I can't remember the last time I cried over this or felt the need to. I don't miss it either!



Yeah, thanks for the reminder, unfortunately it's one that is coming into play right now!!



If he's seeing the changes then your mission is being accomplished. Keep it up! Even if/ when he moves, just stick with your 180's. Eventually they won't be 180's anymore, they'll be part of you.



Great, it's hard work showing PMA when you're hurting inside but it gets easier over time until you're not pretending anymore



Thank you! Honestly I never go back and read what I posted, I'm not even sure what's in there



I'm sure he's seeing it, whether it brings him back or not can't be predicted but the chances are much better that it will bring him back then if you were doing the begging/ pleading thing

Hi AS,

Hang in there.

We went through RetroV November 2011. Same experience....the emotion, the exhaustion, the tears.

H said he did not want to go to the posts, and I did not argue (just like you) but he was the one who in the end wanted to go. They were dependent a lot on the presenter, thats true, but in the end, there was always something you could pick up from each session.

But I think that there will always be some resistance to letting go of the OP, of the freedom. I thought after Retro that we would be OK but we still went through another low around 3 months later.

I heard the same story, even from our presenter, who said sometimes the worst times come after the weekend. Its as though the WAS still struggles with themselves, with letting go....even if they know what has to be done.

Right now we are piecing, but there are still many things we do not speak about. I firmly believe there will be a time and place for it.

YOu have gone this far, keep up with what you have been doing, and let your W work out her issues on her own. It seems like she is a good person, and that she is slowly coming around, albeit with backslides. I remember one poster once told me that in fairy tales, the princess always waits patiently for the monster to turn into a handsome prince. It cannot be overemphasized that patience is what is needed.

AS, i'm so glad you were able to go there with your wife. i don't think the road to return to happiness is a straight one. H and i have just R and i'm doubtful some days, hopeful some days, and in love some days.

i guess we just keep giving it our best and focus on the positive.

wishing you the best.

Angel, thank you for the insight! Our presenters also mentioned that things would seem hopeless at times and they encouraged everyone to go to all the followups because all the tools they're giving don't really "pull together" until the end. W did say that she felt like she wasn't getting much out of it, but she remembered them saying that, so I think she wants to keep going but has mixed emotions about it. She did call and asked me to come by her house for the dialog session last night which I did. It was late and we were both really tired, so I didn't try to push her into a discussion about whether she is committed to going through all the sessions or not. One day at a time.

SS, thanks, good point about the curvy road, LOL! I'm remaining detached and don't have any expectations about this saving our M. Seemed like W may have been having a change of heart, I've read about those overnight "conversions" of the WAS and gee, it sure would be nice to experience that, LOL! But realistically I think we're looking at additional weeks (or maybe months) before W decides whether or not to give it a chance. In the meantime I'm living my own life and staying detached.

Yesterday when I got home from work I found a note from S10 that he was running away from home. He did in fact leave the house. D16 found him next door and had to literally carry him back to my house. It turns out W had punished him for mouthing off to her (and using the F word) and told him he couldn't play video games or use his laptop. I sat him down and had a long discussion with him. It turns out he had also scratched himself intentionally with his fingernails. Not enough to draw blood, but it left red marks. I texted W and let her know what had happened and told her I suspect this had more to do with our marital problems than with the punishment (and I told her I did feel the punishment was appropriate for what he had done and I supported her on that). I told her I think he needs to go to C (insurance is through her employer). She agreed. When I was at her house later she disclosed that S10 often goes on screaming tirades at her. He normally doesn't cuss, but he tells her he hates her, that she's a bad mother, etc. etc. He apparently screams at the top of his lungs and she can't get a word in edgewise. I was honestly shocked, he NEVER does that around me and she's never mentioned to me before that he does it to her.

AS, my daughter who was 11 when all of these happened cut herself. Yes, sometimes we get so immersed in our problems that our kids suffer so much too. In my case that was one of the things that made my H realize just how selfish he was in thinking only of "his" happiness.

As, I am so sorry to hear about your son, my daughter is 11 and has acted almost in the same way...I don't want to get in the way but It is so hard to see D suffer so much...When he is at W house does he ever have friends over?