Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Is it too late to DB?

Yesterday I spoke to my L to arrange visitation agreement because this showing up when he feels like it is bs.

My L asked me about thanksgiving and christmas. We have always went to his parents for thanksgiving and had a big meal at christmas for everyone here. He'll have no problem asking for the kids thanksgiving knowing that I have no family here besides my kids, he'll also want them christmas day knowing that it is the 4th anniversary of my mums death.

This is becoming so real and it hurts so much I wish I could sleep through this and wake up when the storms passed. Where is my bestfriend and my biggest supporter? I wish he'd wake up and see his destruction!!!

Sorry for venting but I'm so weak right now.

So the good news is maybe you are off of moderation?

If so VENT away, that is what we are here for.

As for Thanksgiving and Christmas...if he wants them Thanksgiving, you should have the children w/you on Christmas and vice versa next year. It's not all about what he wants and when he wants it.

I'd rather see you come here and vent than to do it at him.

yes. Vent away.

Re-read some of those links. It'll help to see things differently. Know that you're hurting right now, but that information will make more sense later.

I agree with Snodderly - he can't look at you because of his own hatred for himself and self-loathing. They become like wounded dogs when that happens - want you to help, but will bite if you get close. He'll be that way with those he is closest to most likely.

Don't take it personally, no matter what you hear or see. I know that's not natural, but really it is the best way to go. You'll see that later in more detail.

You're hurting. It hurts deeply and you wonder all kinds of things. But for now, concentrate on you and your well-being and the well-being of your kids. It's very important while he's having a nutty (as my old friend used to say )

Peace,
AJ

Thanks AJ, as you know some days are better than others. Tomorrow I might feel like I no longer want him in my life at all, but this morning I guess I was feeling sorry for myself lol

Venting again

The OW (WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR) I heard she just got a house to rent and she'll be moving out of her moms house shortly into a neighborhood that H and I lived years ago which was back then a "bad area" and he couldn't wait to leave it then.

My D9 and OW's D9 play together and she told my D today that OW stayed at the new house last night by herself...uh huh.

H does not ask to have the kids overnight, I offer but he always has an excuse, but yet tells everyone that I won't let him have the kids...not only would not do that I wouldn't have the authority.

I felt sick at the thought of my once beautiful, caring H being with this person who he believed to be a disgusting human being. He truley is the opposite of what he once was. He weighs about 150lbs when he was alwaysa good 195lbs he weighs less than S17 who is 6' 1" and 160lbs, when I look at him he looks different to me, his smile. his warm eyes are now cold.

This just hurts so much I want the tears to stop. Thought are needed.

How can you tell if your MLCer is in depression? H shows no signs of it, seems content with everything.

Why do you feel like he has to be in depression? Not all MLCers act like that.

I have read so much about Covert depression, and isn't this all about depression? His dad just died 3 weeks ago too shouldn't he be feeling something?

Not necessarily. MLC is a re-evaluation of one's life choices.

Everyone goes through some sort of midlife TRANSITION. It's only when they start destroying everything they've built in their lives that it becomes a CRISIS. Which is why depression doesn't have to factor in the equation all the time.

Plus there are different reasons for depression. It could be hereditary, it could be from guilt, pain or loss, etc. He could very well be expressing himself in a way that you don't typically define as depressed.