JUST PUt on makeup and re-read the book - so here's my addendum:
lost 10-15 lb (wasn't heavy to begin with - but it's nice to have it gone)
wear my skinny jeans and NEVER EVER sweatpants - (with icky baggie butts)
makeup every morning (mostly remember) & dye hair- is better i guess - that's anyone's call
BILLY joel was lying thru his teeth when he sang "don't go changin" - yeah- rite before he traded in old wife for that model
my foot & back seem better with weight loss - yay
got a christmas gift or two from h that he actually seemed happy to give and unlike last year- didn't feel like it was just something he felt compelled to do- but no heart in it.
okay that's it for me. i'll recapture my "pollyanna" if it kills me and everyone around me. . (i hope)
I can laugh more and be my old self without (sometimes) feeling like my old self is who HE IS REJECTING
maybe like me you no longer value the opinion of someone not worthy of having one about you.
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i just typed something not positive - and erased it.
that's how I started to see the change in myself, I have erased whole paragraphs, it feels good!
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i hope it's just not laziness and getting used to this wierd life
no, give yourself credit for how far you have come!
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i'm going tokeep a good thought and try and feel happ7y
I am going to second that, I plan on having a great day, Not -H didn't come home from work this morning, oh well, perfect op for me to clean refreshen and invite someone over to my home!
Originally Posted By: nero
so here's my addendum:
wear my skinny jeans and NEVER EVER sweatpants - (with icky baggie butts)
makeup every morning (mostly remember) & dye hair- is better i guess - that's anyone's call
okay that's it for me. i'll recapture my "pollyanna" if it kills me and everyone around me. . (i hope)
Ok, as I read this I need to change out of my sweats. Nothing I do or did when I was trying to win him back worked so I enjoyed the cold comfortably. Which I will continue to do with my kids, but make sure to get those skinny jeans out when leaving the house!
Pollyanna? I have to read up on that again, I think I fit that description as well.
I am soo excited that H is not here, I could do this everyday, the first thing I would love to do is dump my Tivo of his depressing military.
Its freezing here, gray and its a great day, sans H!
I'm glad for you Nero, really, please let us know whenever you feel that backslide, as we all do, that's what were here for!
Keep posting positive!!!!!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
hey hi trying laptop - finger not so familiar with keys and hope to God i can erase histoy okay.
I AM GLAD billie joel got whata he dserved - evreyone shold - us inlcuded - man - thiis keyboard stinks
ANYWAY - since i'm not quite back to full pollyanna stature yet- here's me tihnking if we got what we deservedi t wuld all be gret stuff.
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maybe like me you no longer value the opinion of someone not worthy of having one about you.
maybe you are rite and i'm done caring what his guy thinks of me. one an hope
he has filled up his (i just like being alone) other life with people that even i can see are smiialr to me - or fragments of me. one peson for this, one for that. i wonder what the hcek tha tis and were t al leads? to werd. i'm sure he doesn't see it at all..
i may run off quicly- so if i disappear you knowm y dril here.
I WAN TO SAY dawn - that in my experiene - havnig him out of my face enables me to participat with 'theor' about this all in a more philosophial annre. whereas - having ihm next to me in bed nd here in my life is a waaay diferent manne. it's alot harder than when he's mia. no kidding - you are having the hard way alllll the time. there - you hjaving to witnss all the everything every day. i can feelm y stress level up a bit = you are rite. i's more REAL when they are ite there with you. i'm not sue whether that is god or bad - it jus sems to be the cas. the "issues" are more in th forefront of your life daily and minute to minute - rather than of iin the back of your brain. I'd say of hte two of us - your "job" is the harder one.
so i'm apprciating alllll the work you do on this and all the incredible stress you tolerate (and i sounds like you're doing pretty well all things being considred - in general - in life) i admie that. your litle lite is still on- and i think alot of people who hae endured what you have - probalbly canot say thatl. his keyboar stck - sorry for the mes s- back later
xxoo sitll on track ;mostly i think - well, no gunplay or "discussions" or anything deadly here. fingers crosed & odaat
onee day at a time - ta da. is that official? or did i make i up.??
Nero You never say that the the wrong thing or be pushy! I am here to hear it all, I can't stand people who say my ass looks good in those jeans as they shove their fingers down their throat.
It's a good day... It snowed!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
hey - our snow was piddly- but very icy so sparkiling like mad last nite. had a walk- it was only a dusting so kind of disappointing.
mom up and down simultaneously here- it's scary on phone. this woman gonna drive me around some bend- wish she could get stablihzed - like h & rest of my life- hey- no wonder i feel like i'm stuck in a giant sh_t tornado??? everyone is spinning out of control & i'm in middle saying hey, what the heck is up with YOU???
GOOD LUCK WITH your h- fingers crossed & prayers sent up for some kind of stabilization in your life too. geeez - is it so much to ask.??
as ye sow - so shall ye reap. my matra (hope it's true)
pma alive, but stumbling along now that h in my face. its definitely harder by far to have it in your fac. when not around, can put on back burtner now or then and "not know" it so constantly.
he's not awful- but he's, well, him.
who the heck that is, anyone's guess.
he is takng mom shopping rite now tho- saves me, a bit or privacy. this business of getting accustom4ed to alone-ness is a bad one- because it makes a person too self-ori3ented i think.
just a thought here. i was a bit short this morning- it's me- it's being "watched" or "criticized" - my tolerance is low. need to work on itand remember to stfu- gonna put a big S on my rite hand- and an elastic band too- one should remind me.
