It's normal to be scared, but you are going to be fine. You have to get through the proceedings and allow the dust to settle before you realize just how much weight that you've been carrying around on your shoulders I know that you are thinking about the future, but only think about today or tomorrow. You can plan all you want for the future, but something will come along and your plans will change.
You don't know what the future holds. Maybe you and your h will reconcile at some point, but for now, let's hope and pray and he can be civil and play an active role in your children's lives.
Hang in there. I know you've got a lot of things running through your mind....
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
in addition to what Snodderly said, I must add, your h has a history of poor choices.
He is not who you thought he was. It's appropriate to mourn the loss of who you believed him to be, but it's not appropriate to believe you are losing a great h.
He's a serial cheater...and as harsh as that sounds, it's the truth. I believe where the head goes, the heart will follow.
When you fully take in that you deserve better, and believe you will find it, this does get easier.
Down deep you are allowing your h's mistreatment of you to reflect on how you see yourself, but this is not about you. (Except for what you accept from him).
Teach your sons self respect, self control and how a woman with strength and dignity handles setbacks. Show them how you take charge of your life and your happiness and teach them that they cannot depend on someone else to "make" them happy.
Happiness is a virtue, according to Aristotle. I think he meant, in part, that it takes some effort but it is OUR JOB, not someone else's. Your h thinks OW will "make him" happy b/c he does not know how to be happy. He knows how to fake it. And his repeated attempt to "look happy" in front of you is a facade. What truly happy WAS would need to rub it in the face of the mother of their children? It's cruel behavior. He is not a good person now,
Hence his need to find repeated OWs and his shame keeps him away from his kids. IF I were you, I'd feel pity for him and move forward in your life.
Sure, he MIGHT change...but affairs have happened before...and the reconciliation did not work or last, b/c whatever issues you have and he has, were not resolved. He did not change for the better.
So a lot of change that has not happened, would need to take place before he's a safe bet for you and by you not moving forward, it makes those changes LESS likely. I mean, IF he is capable of being a faithful h to you and I'm not sure he is, it'd be by you enforcing some basic boundaries.
And worrying about what HE will do with OW or whether his "happy" face reflects on you, is not a good idea.
When you are ready, and you begin to date new men, be mindful of what really matters to you in a man. Fidelity and self reliance seem crucial, and your h lacks those.
My h's MLC cost us 6 figures...I wish I'd spent more time on ME and my kids and less time on wondering what he was doing/thinking/feeling.
The only thing I did that seemed to affect my h, was to assume he was gone for good and to make the best of it. I truly came to believe that h was gone and yet, that I'd be alright without him.
I began to imagine life without him but with me being happy. THEN he began to notice I was no longer there...waiting...I was moving on.
I asked you to do the same...not sure if you did. But you seem stuck. You and only you, can get you UNSTUCK.
So, back to YOU. What are you doing to GAL?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25years, Thankyou for the input I value your opinion. Is it possible that you have me mixed up with someo ne else? My H was a great H and dad before MLC and to my knowledge he never cheated before MLC.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
25years, Thankyou for the input I value your opinion. Is it possible that you have me mixed up with someo ne else? My H was a great H and dad before MLC and to my knowledge he never cheated before MLC.
MY BAD & Mea Culpa! I did mix you up with someone else (w/a h who has had multiple affairs.)
So sorry! I need to post to fewer people...yikes. I will say one thing about the "MLC" label however. I spent way too much time wondering if my h was in one b/c he had been so responsible before hand, financially and with the kids...
but I wish I had dropped that obsession of mine. It kept me distracted from GAL and focussing on a new life for me and our kids, without my h, but with me being happy.
See, imo, the course of action for YOU is the same regardless of his being a WAS or a MLCer. I don't believe one has a higher rate of reconciliation than the other but I DO Think we like labels to explain the inexplicable.
Focus on YOU and your kids.
Paradoxically, when you stop making it about what HE is doing/thinking/feeling, and only work on YOU and GAL, you begin a healthy detachment. When you stop putting all your eggs in the "results" basket, that seems to be when the WAS/MLCer begins to examine their choices.
My single biggest regret is how much time I wasted staring at HIS choices -instead of making new ones for ME.
Good luck.
Again, my apologies.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
