I almost want to have a bi-weekly or monthly conversation with her. Almost like open forum. Sort of like "how do you think things are going" etc.. Honestly I think every married couple should have this. Could be 30 second conversation or hours depending on what is going on.
Either way I am still working on me. Reading through this ACOA book.
Have a new GAL activity with S. He is really liking skiing. Home life is really really good. We are like best friends again. She makes me tea at night and just talks with me.
I know you said it was drastic (and it was a quick flip) but it was almost 6 months of silent treatment from her. So not that quick.
So that guy she went out to dinner with over the summer called her yesterday. Sort of mutual friend but not really. She told me he called. That was nice that she felt she could tell me that.
We are heading on a family vacation for kids April break. This one I am really looking forward too.
Also, going back out to eat with college buddies next week. Going to try to make this a bi monthly tradition. It is really cool sleeping in master bedroom next to wife snore free. She really likes that. That has really had a huge impact on our marriage and relationship. Sleeping in sep rooms all those years and not by choice
"I almost want to have a bi-weekly or monthly conversation with her. Almost like open forum. Sort of like "how do you think things are going" etc.. Honestly I think every married couple should have this. Could be 30 second conversation or hours depending on what is going on."
DO NOT do this. All it does is drag out the bad feelings at this stage.
"I know you said it was drastic (and it was a quick flip) but it was almost 6 months of silent treatment from her. So not that quick."
Just over 2 weeks ago you were accusing her of flipping her phone, she was cursing you etc. Then for her to be nice? It was quick. Stop trying to justify it in your head. Remember, my W didn't talk for 2 years.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
yes it was quick from that perspective. Again what she told a mutual friend/neighbor was that she is 100% committed to the marriage and will do whatever it takes to make it work. Of course I wish those words were spoke to me.
Thx B. At this point my action plan is to continue to work on me, attend EE, attend ACOA, and not bring up the past for now. No reason to flare up bad feelings at this point.
She did tell me last night she spoke with a few people over the last few months and that their situations were pretty bad. So I don't know. Maybe a switch went off telling her life isn't that bad. Who knows but right now my old W is back and I am going to do everything in my power to keep the positive "chi" flowing
Another great night with W. My D slept over grammies last night so we had a "peaceful" night with just me, w, and S. My daughter is 4 and lets just say she is a "talker"
Gave the W a long back massage. Very nice.
I forgot to take trash out today and she actually txt me joking about it lol. Keeping the positives going. My W seems to really be trying to be positive about everything in life which is great.
W went out to eat last night. She came home not feeling great. My W tends to blame the last thing she can remember on the way she feels.(typical anxiety) So last night it was the pizza crust from dinner or the chiro appointment from the a.m. I didn't really engage that much. Just tried to be sympathetic. Definitely 180 for me.
We both went to bed last night fairly late. 1130ish. She got an incoming txt at 1130. Another 180. I didn't even ask her. She usually tells me who it is from lately but last night she did not. I am hoping in the future she will be able to tell me even if it is a guy friend etc..Not worth discussing in my opinion based on all the positives. I figured I could have asked and if it was nobody then I look like an azz. If it was a guy friend it would be just akward so I decided to do nothing.
Our dog was diagnosed with liver cancer yesterday so it was a tough day at the house for all of us. We just put a dog down last easter.
One thing I do notice in which I am really trying to pay lots of attention to this time around. As things get more comfortable around the house you can tend to slip back to your NON gal ways. What I can see is you need to GAL the rest of your life. Gal in a healthy way. So that being said i schedule another dinner out with the boys next week. Plus taking son skiing on Sunday.
All is good. Just doing some journaling. I am looking for another counselor because my current counselor tried talking me into divorce
W told me who txt her at 1130 last night. Guess she needed some time to feel safe telling me. It was her guy friend who tried getting with her when we separated . He txt her condolences on our dog. Sure was nice that she told me . Glad I didn't ask her and gave her chance to tell me
Yeah I've left 3 counselors who all advocated divorce and 1 even gave me a lawyers card. If it wasn't for you guys my marriage would be long gone. We still not in the clear but doing better. I can see dbusting being life long experience.
To be honest not happy that guy txting her but glad she told me . I also feel we need to have a conversation about why the sudden change of heart. It was so quick it gives me anxiety thinking about it.
I have to learn to continue to give W space even when things are good. For example tonight she feels awful so I'm trying to keep kids out of her face. I also can sense she wants nothing to do with me so trying to honor that.
