KD, I feel there's a difference between someone looking for justification and someone who is looking to talk things out. Although you may disagree with my choices, as a human, I am entitled to try and do that. I understand that you don't agree with my choices. You wouldn't be the first. But you are unkind in your delivery. And I don't feel there's a need for it.
Yes. Whatever your approach is, with its intentional sarcasm and rudeness that you admit to, it's just not well-received by me. And I've had some serious and specific questions for you that you completely ignore. We simply don't seem to be able to communicate effectively and it's going badly. I'm sure the medium doesn't help.
LIS, I have no problem with your choices. I have no problem with anyone's choices. So long as they know they are making a choice and not blaming someone else for that choice.
Truth is, I would not live with an alcoholic. Period.
I also would not live with an abuser. Period.
It is still my choice to leave. Following "I'm leaving" with "because" is simply a justification, seeking to validate our choices.
As you have been mentioning, these are our feelings. Our feelings are not "wrong".
My point with the CPAP was that maybe he just couldn't handle using it. I do see your point though, I'm sure there would be something he could do that would work for you both. I think there's even mouth guards these days.
My H snored too, I hated it at first. In the end I got so used to it, that I couldn't sleep when he was away because it was too quiet!
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
SS, I did the opposite. When we were first M'd, I slept more deeply and was fine as long as I got to sleep before H. In the last few years, I don't sleep as deeply, so it's more of a problem. Until HE does something about HIS snoring, I'm fine in the other BR. I assume he'll do something about it when it becomes a big enough problem for him. Otherwise, I'll assume it's not really a problem.
The suggestion that I get on here and just state that I am leaving and leaving it at that is absurd. I need to talk those things out. What you are suggesting is a matter of semantics. Whether I say I am leaving because... or I say I am leaving, I am responsible, here's what's going on at home... it's semantics. Regardless, the post was unkind. It's the intentional lack of compassion that I just don't quite understand.
And our feelings are never "wrong." Still believe that. But it's all in the delivery. Telling my H, "I care about you. I think you have a serious problem. I want you to get help" or telling him "you are a worthless drunk and you need to get help" are borne of the same "feelings" but there is quite a difference in delivery.
