NG- I got a lot of those from AlAnon. Truly words to live by! SD-Consistent is tattooed on my forehead! lol! NLW- THANK YOU!!! I love your words! They got me through this week!
Journaling Long story short. I told H I was done. Not from a place of anger. As a matter of fact I'm seriously ok with him being with someone else and I told him in a very kind way. NO CRYING or throwing out resentment. No manipulation. It truly came from within.
I told him I was so tired that I didn't even have the energy to give a long explanation. The thought of explaining myself seemed so draining since I felt as though I was just repeating myself.
Shortly after I got a text from him: "I'm so sorry for everything I've made you go through. I wish I could take it back."
"I need you guys in my life."
"I really hope that you find the strength to continue working towards making us whole again. I know you've been hurt time after time and no one can blame you if you decide to move on in a direction away from me. I've learned many things through this process but two stand out more than any other.
"First, I do not want anyone else but you guys. If we never have children again, D1 & S4 will be my only ones.
"Second, that I will never love anyone the way I love you. That was the hardest lesson for me to learn. I really hope that we can make this work."
My reaction, nothing. I wasn't softened by this. Next day I was the same. Polite but not engaging. not cold just whatever. I didn't have any feelings for him.
Then at an Al Anon mtg a friend said, this is more telling of you than of him. She said, you want dramatic change (I had shared this) but it's the consistent gradual changes that you should be striving for. Be patient.
I decided to love with my head and let my heart follow. Isn't that why we're so upset with our WAS? because they do the opposite?
So next day I told him. I'm going to try. I'm going to continue working on us because although I don't feel it, I will let my mind lead my heart. He was very pleased
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Journaling Long story short. I told H I was done. Not from a place of anger. As a matter of fact I'm seriously ok with him being with someone else and I told him in a very kind way. NO CRYING or throwing out resentment. No manipulation. It truly came from within.
I told him I was so tired that I didn't even have the energy to give a long explanation. The thought of explaining myself seemed so draining since I felt as though I was just repeating myself.
Shortly after I got a text from him: "I'm so sorry for everything I've made you go through. I wish I could take it back."
"I need you guys in my life."
"I really hope that you find the strength to continue working towards making us whole again. I know you've been hurt time after time and no one can blame you if you decide to move on in a direction away from me. I've learned many things through this process but two stand out more than any other.
"First, I do not want anyone else but you guys. If we never have children again, D1 & S4 will be my only ones.
"Second, that I will never love anyone the way I love you. That was the hardest lesson for me to learn. I really hope that we can make this work."
My reaction, nothing. I wasn't softened by this. Next day I was the same. Polite but not engaging. not cold just whatever. I didn't have any feelings for him.
Then at an Al Anon mtg a friend said, this is more telling of you than of him. She said, you want dramatic change (I had shared this) but it's the consistent gradual changes that you should be striving for. Be patient.
I decided to love with my head and let my heart follow. Isn't that why we're so upset with our WAS? because they do the opposite?
So next day I told him. I'm going to try. I'm going to continue working on us because although I don't feel it, I will let my mind lead my heart. He was very pleased
I got a little tear in my eye reading this because there are brief moments in a day where I have these exact feelings.
Amazing, Vero! I hope you can find your love again. I think deep down you probably know if it's still there.
My Phone coach made a pretty good analogy about this. He said, "if someone said to you on your wedding day, that in X amount of years you will no longer like this person. What would you have said". I replied there was no way I would believe that. He said, "that is exactly how your W feels today. But, the reality is feelings from the heart are not forever. They are constantly changing". That made some sense to me. I hope it makes some sense to you, Vero. I think you just need to be open and love with your head for a little while. Your heart just might follow.
My Phone coach made a pretty good analogy about this. He said, "if someone said to you on your wedding day, that in X amount of years you will no longer like this person. What would you have said". I replied there was no way I would believe that. He said, "that is exactly how your W feels today. But, the reality is feelings from the heart are not forever. They are constantly changing". That made some sense to me. I hope it makes some sense to you, Vero. I think you just need to be open and love with your head for a little while. Your heart just might follow. ;
Made me think about the Fireproof movie where he says "Don't just follow your heart, because your heart can be deceived. But you gotta lead your heart."
