Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Total Eclipse by Dan Band

Vero, I used to do that with my H in the early days. Leave little notes in random places. He used to enjoy it. (another thing I let slip in my M. Little reminders of my love).

Do you feel H is ready to spend the night? Can you ask without expectations? (((( ))))

Thank you bustingout.

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I decided to ask him to spend the night. I said, you don't have to answer me right away. Before I could finish the sentence he said, YES!

So Xmas was nice, really nice. The morning was nice too. Then reality hit. He left. I could feel myself slowly go into a depressive state. No interest in cleaning up or playing with the kids. I worked very hard at shaking it off. Moved around the house, prayed, thought of all the things I should be grateful for. I got the kids ready and off we went to my sister's house. I decided to keep my cell at home for my serenity.

We are home and I haven't checked it nor do I want to. I'm not at all angry, just dealing with reality. It's Xmas, you know. And he spent the rest of the day with friends.

I feel like having a drink. This is how people become alcoholics!

Have missed you Vero. Glad to see you back and happy for the progress w H. Baby steps.

You are working on it, both of you... whatever you are doing, keep it up!

Hang in there, Vero...

Patience and focus on yourself.

I hope you had a nice time at your sister's.

Merry Xmas!

Be in the moment.

What Labug says: be in the moment. Be grateful for the good times. You are blessed. Baby steps. Read some quality literature.

I have to admit I am very jealous of your 1 night

So you get to check off a goal, celebrate a baby step, and set a new goal? Cool! Pesky feelings are part of the process. Great job on working so hard to keep your brain in a good place!

RegretfulLA, I missed you too! all of you!
BTW: what's smaller than baby steps cuz that's where I think we're at.

keepgoing, I did have a good time at my sister's. the mood is much better between us. no tension like before.

labug, thank you! yes! living in the present is very difficult.

BklynMom, quality literature. I have my al anon books and I needed your reminder to go back to them instead of dwelling on my neg thoughts!

StubbornDyke, I'm wondering what's my next goal???

I figured out what is my next goal! as far as M.

I would like to go on "dates" with H. That means we plan something ahead and get dressed up and take our time and talk (emotional intimacy).

On Tues (which is our usual dinner night) I brought it up that I would like for us to do something more than fast food. There was only silence on his end. A few hours later he proposed we get Jack n the Box and take it to the movies! WHOOOooo HOOooo!

Serioulsy, I hated fast food before we were on a very limited budget but NOW! oh now I enjoy it because even that doesn't come very often. AND A MOVIE!! We haven't been to the movies together in over a year n a half! So I was ELATED!

This small step is a giant one in our M. And because of that, I was feeling impatient with our progress. However, I do feel much calmer about it. He sent me a text the day after, I had a really nice time, a really really nice time!

You know why? Cuz my 180s come naturally. I enjoyed the movie. It wasn't my choice, but I tried to find the positive in it and just had a good time. Before I would've complained about the movie and how we never see something I like.

I'm ok with that now. If I want to go see something, I'll go with a friend or by myself! it doesn't have to be with him.

I feel relief.

Congrats Vero! This is awesome!!

I wonder, do you think the time apart helped you in your sitch? H and I are very rapidly nearing that point and I feel like it is the ONLY thing that can put us back together now.