SA, I'm against game playing. Our spouse's will see right through any tactic applied only to trick them back. Like my friend lil'G says, any actions you take have to be things you want to do for you.
Congratulations on 45 years of marriage! You two obviously have been doing something right to make it this far. Don't let him see your neediness/loneliness. Stay strong and hang in there. I don't think it will be that easy for him to throw away what you guys have.
You mentioned your house is lonely at night. Do you have any younger grandchildren who you could invite for a sleep over on the weekend? Bake cookies, play games, stay up late...
How about women friends that could come over and play cards or watch a movie?
It's great that you're busy, keep that up.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I know that's supposed to work,not sure if I can pull it off, I'm too old to play games! Lol
If you are not comfortable playing games, don't play games. But at least do what makes you feel good. Not what makes you feel Sad and Alone (you know you can always change your alias in the forum, you do not have to cling to it).
If you feel bad waiting for him to show up - don't wait. If you feel good going away for two or three days while he knocks on the door in vain (or not) - do that. That is all I meant.
Also, "I am too old to..." is not attractive. Try it once, if you do not feel fine playing games - abort. As long as you don't do something that will cause irreversible damage, who cares? You tried.
Now is the time to experiment. I understand this is not what you wished for, but it may be an opportunity for you to discover something new.
Help help help, I can't do this anymore, it's killing me, I so want to tell him how much I love him and beg him to come back! Guess I need that elastic on my wrist,how long do I have to wait?
Hang in there SA be strong come here to vent, post often. It's tough, unfortunately this is where you are at the moment. Take care of yourself, seek medical help if you need to.
Time on these matters is a weird thing, stop looking at the clock/calendar. Work on you and your relationships with your children, you will have to wait as long as it takes. Until he decides to work on your marriage or until you decide your done waiting on him.
(((Hugs))) from a guy in Tennessee
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
SA, you can do anything you want. You can tell him you love him and beg him to come back but that hasn't worked for you before and it probably won't work now.
This is a very hard place to be and I, too, know how hard the weekends are, especially Sundays. For some reason that's the most difficult for me but it's better know, after almost 2 years it's better.
"How long do I have to wait?" Depends on what you're waiting for. My H also decided he was done, left (no OW) and gives no indication that he even thinks about coming back. He is friendly and helpful when I need to interact with him but never talks about the R or anything that might involve emotion.
Your husband does stop by. Are the interactions pleasant?
I've decided not to spend my life waiting for H to come back but to instead create a new life that doesn't include him.
And this really isn't a game. As much as we (the LBS) dislike what our S's choices have done to us, this is about allowing another to live their life. It's about us becoming better people. Sometimes marriages are saved, sometimes not but if you work the program you will change in many ways.
Hope to hear more from you soon.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Does anyone ever understand why they leave,that is what I struggle with. Our interactions are always pleasant, he asks what my plans are for the day and offers to help with things.he relaxes when he's here ,then he leaves.
Yes I knew about the affair,I did not know about the daughter.I knew she had a daughter and always wondered but thought he would tell me if she was his,he has had several seriious surgeries and thought if he had secrets he would tell me in case he didn't survive. He said he wants no part of the mothers life and doesn't seem to really like her. At times I feel like she is stalking me as she very often walks by my place or drives by and is way out of her area.I have a very distinctive vehicle and it seems like she often comes into a place where I am. I was sitting in a restaurant one day and saw her drive by very slowly looking in. I'm not paranoid believe me!
