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What is up with these guys? I just don't get it. But then again we don't live in the land of crazy!!

Babysitter just took the girls to his place.

Somehow after my rant the other day and over all bad head space and today I took a step forward. Maybe it was all about letting go of the hard drive which I didn't pack cause I can't figure what it is.

I have been very dark with h only limited communication regarding the kids. My emails and texts were so limited that it didn't feel like me. He is their father and they are kids. There is a lot of stuff going on that he should know about.

Today I emailed him 3 separate times about kid related stuff because I kept forgetting things. I would have never ever sent him 3 emails in 1 day a month ago I would have just thought he doesn't need to know xyz.

It feels better communicating normally. And telling h details he wants to know.

Either way I need to have a normal relationship with him cause we are going to do this kid sharing thing for the next 18years

B,
You are correct in the fact that you need to establish a good working relationship w/your h when it concerns your children. He needs to know if things aren't going well or something needs to be discussed w/him w/respect to the children.

I'm hoping and praying that he'll meet you half way when it comes to the children.

Just got a fantastic job offer out of town for 4 months. Financially it would be great and they would pay for expenses of bringing my kids with me.

I would need to bring my mother and hire a babysitter.

H would have to agree to this. He could come visit every other weekend.

I have a few days to think about it.

The big thing holding me back is that d4 would be very unhappy. She has friends and a routine. She loves our neighborhood and is blossoming with confidence with out stable lifestyle.

This offer has brought up sadness for me since traveling for work for a few months a year was part of my h and my dream. We thought we would raise out kids traveling. It feels lonely to email him the offer but not banter with him over the pluses and minuses. I miss him. I am sad that our dream is dead

Just got a fantastic job offer out of town for 4 months. Financially it would be great and they would pay for expenses of bringing my kids with me.

I would need to bring my mother and hire a babysitter.

H would have to agree to this. He could come visit every other weekend.

I have a few days to think about it.

The big thing holding me back is that d4 would be very unhappy. She has friends and a routine. She loves our neighborhood and is blossoming with confidence with out stable lifestyle.

This offer has brought up sadness for me since traveling for work for a few months a year was part of my h and my dream. We thought we would raise out kids traveling. It feels lonely to email him the offer but not banter with him over the pluses and minuses. I miss him. I am sad that our dream is dead

B,
That's wonderful news. I hope that things work out for you.

I understand what is holding you back, but your d4 would make new friends and have her family w/her. Maybe there could be a way that she could phone her friends periodically so that she doesn't miss them as much.

I hope you can work this out and go. I'm very happy to see things are changing for you.

I emailed stbx last nights about job offer. I said something like "I got a 3-4 month job offer out of town. My gut says now is not the right time. What do you think?"

No response from him.

This has triggered so many emotions. He was such a big part of my career decision making and now he couldn't give a sh!t.

I am sure something about my email made him angry and reaffirmed for him what a manipulative b!txh I am. But I am trying to act normal and not over analyze every email I send. It's really hard though when his responses are not normal and I cam still feel his anger towards me.

Meanwhile I have been medicated, dbing and seriously calm since sept 2011 and and yet I can still see the anger in his eyes when he sees me.

It is clear more then ever to me that my h has had a major breakdown. I really don't think he will ever wake up.

Urgga Urga. Ahhhh. I feel better

STOP!

Sometimes the problem does lie with them, if he wants to hang on to the anger and not see the new you, that's sad but it is his issue. If he's carrying around anger at the mother of his children for that long think how difficult his life must be.

Don't second guess yourself.

Did you want to take the job?

Thks labug.

H replied to my email soon after my post and just said what are logistics if you go. Very reasonable.

I haven't yet replied will do so once I get these crazy kids to bed.

I don't think going out of town right now would be the best thing for me and the girls. We love our routine. My 4 yr old would be heartbroken to leave her pre k.

Also for me career wise it would be a good opportunity but it's not fantastic I will get something very comparable here in ny. The money would be nice but I am doing fine now with money I don't need to make more if it will make my girls days harder.

Bklyn Mom,

I feel ya. I keep wanting to get some of the same ol' stuff, support from H. But, Using/MLC H just can't do it. I'm surprised he is able to dress himself right now, let alone help me with my grown up problems.

It's weird, I was feeling the same thing today about my H. I brought myself down thinking...God, this guy will never "Get it." And, even if he does, how long before he can be actual healthy human being again.

But, I need to remind myself "One Day At a Time." Miracles happen and it's not my place to predict the future. In fact, maybe he would've been farther along in his process if I had stopped predicting the future and telling him what I thought he needed to do.

Some days, I hate this disease. Cunning and baffling. It's robbed my kids and I of so much. Tonight, I'm choosing to trust God. (((((at least for the next 30 seconds:-))))))

Much Love,

Heather