Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives X demands full custody because I'm now engaged

Answering a few other questions raised....

Kids LOVE fiancé. DS began callng her "mom" after engagement but we have stopped that. DS often asks if we're going to fiancé's house cause he enjoys playing with her kids and generally being there. DD loves fiancé too, suggested I marry her saying I'm always happy when I'm around fiancé.

X has done nothing but try to find fault with fiancé from the beginning. She criticizes her patenting, her children's behavior, what the eat (it never ends).

Barb, as to your "type" question, fiancé and X are the same physical appearance type. Although I do see men (and women) attracted to the same psychological or behavioral types. Seems as though they're usuall similar or the opposite of the opposite sex they grew up around (mother/father).

Sleeper:

FIrst off - I'm really happy that you have found a wonderful woman to spend the rest of your life with. As for your ex - she would, of course, find fault. She sounds like an unhappy camper. No woman would ever be good enough for her kids. I'm glad your kids are not influenced by that bad attitude.

I went for the total opposite "type" of my husband. He was skinny, blonde, hyper, bad temper, undereducated etc. Mr Right (of over 8 years now) is stockier, dark curly hair, calm and gentle and has a masters. Could not be more different - but that''s what I needed.

Barb

SFO, I suspect we are attracted to certain types. I know for me I was very conscious of that when I started dating again. One woman was very similar in many ways although taller.

One thing that really stuck out for me was that I had to answer the question of "did I pick wrong" when I got married. The answer is no, I did not. My ex wasn't like she is now. She is completely opposite in many ways and seems to be trying to get back to the way she was last I heard.

So for me, I date people I like. I like a lot of people and personality types so I don't have a particular "type" per se. i.e. the first two I dated were single moms that were tall, athletic and blonde. The next was a single mom that was dark haired and had a great sense of humor (she was a bit nuts though). The girl I'm dating now (and have been for a while) is dark skinned and dark hair.
My ex is fair skinned and blonde. I do prefer smartish people that can handle a conversation and aren't self-centered (out of control) but otherwise, my type is simply female. Age isn't much of a barrier either. I've dated half my age and those 10 years older since my ex. I like people

Sleeper, I'm glad you've found a great person to spend your life with. I'm sure once you're done with the immediate junk and things settle down, it'll be great!

AJ

sleeper

if she tries keeping the kids and not returning them, you can file a deprivation of parental rights charge against her

it is a felony

it is not a criminal court thing so the police don't usually enforce it but they can call her and let her know that it is a felony or stop by her house and let her know that


I know what it is like to be the new fiance that the ex finds crazy made up faults with...too bad for your ex...it is jealousy that you are happy, your kids like her, and she is no longer queen bee.

I am glad you found someone that makes your heart light!!!

I talked to X yesterday by phone (first time since blowup about kid time on Saturday). She was subdued but still drifter towards her reasons why they should live with her 90% of the time.

She conceded to let me have kids Monday night at the regular swap time. I assume she talked to an attorney who informed her she didn't have a choice while threatening to take me to court if I didn't see things her way. After talking on the phone, I thought about the sitch from the perspective of dusts best for the kids (esp DS) and called her back offering to let her keep them for a couple of more days. He's adjusting to a new school, new schedule, and I didn't want him to experience any additional stress or distraction.

"All's Quiet on the Western Front".

I'm really uncomfortable about all this....

I picked up kids today. Events of the past weekend came up. DD says she wants to live w/X during the week, with me every other weekend and I can take her and DS for dinner a night or two during the week (basically X's presented terms). DS says he's worried about new school, wants to live w/X so he won't have stress of back and forth.

It's as if X opened their skulls and poured what she wants to happen into their brains.

I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm hurt they would accept/embrace such a change so easily. And that's where I am stuck. I'm having difficulty getting past the emotions of the sitch and deciding what to do/how to respond.

Comments, suggestions are welcome at this point.

Both the kids are very young. Stick with your agreement.

She's 13, he's 11 now

I would approach it as a parent..

something like

thanks guys for letting me know how you feel
your mom and I have been talking about things and I know you are really worried about making your mom happy and are concerned with how she feels about things (you can pretty much guess this is what happened because of the timing of things)

I want you both not to worry about this kind of stuff. We are your parents and we decided when we divorced that your needs would come before ours and you need both of your parents which is why our custody arrange is the way it is.

You are both priorities in our lives and we want you both to know we love you. You don't need to worry about this kind of stuff.

(end of discussion)

thank them for telling you their feelings
validate what they are feeling
assure them you both love them
let them know they are top priorities to both of you (even if you have to choke it out because you might not be sure they are to your ex)
let them know they don't have to worry about it because they aren't adults...they are kids and their job is to go to school


I think their mom is feeding them kool-aid

Fig's got the right idea. I totally agree. Mama's bee pouring them the Kool Aid.

Gineen - did you post on the wrong thread?

Barb