Asking him the questions...I have to agree w/mrsrjd, your chances of winning the lotto are very nil. They can't answer you w/a rational answer. In many cases the "I don't know" will pop out. I will advise readers of this, if you don't want to know the answer to that all time killing question, then don't ask. You just might get an answer that you didn't want to hear.
Congratulations to your son on getting his license! Woo hoo!
I'm glad you followed his lead when it came to the conversation and selected a different venue for dinner. The next event is the tree and then the party. It will be interesting to see how he reacts to both of those events because they should be happy and merry times. Life isn't good to mlcers when holidays come around...because happy memories remind them of what they had all along and now they are re-evaluating their lives. He will rewrite history to convince himself that his right to think the way he does.
Hang in there. I'm glad you are okay today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That's just it. Since I can't believe any of what he says anyway, it would be a futile exercise. I'm sure I would get the "I don't know."
He just got home. He is on his work laptop at the kitchen table right now. A change- I mentioned this already, but he is spending more time downstairs.
He conspicuously interacts with the boys and the dog more than me, but seems more like the old him, somewhat happy. Maybe the holidays will have the opposite effect on him than the usual.
One other thing he mentioned last night was that he fussed at S10 the other night for knocking on his bedroom door so much, but H said that he was working on his computer for work and I guess the interruptions irritated him. I didn't say anything to that.
I'm not surprised that he's interacting w/the boys and the dog more than you. You are the first that he disconnected from and, if and when, he does continue his journey, he will then disconnected from them as well. Is there one son that he is closer to now? They generally select one child to remain close to during the crisis.
They do have the attention span of a gnat during the crisis and the knocking may have been disruptive to him. At least he provided you w/an explanation for fussing at your son.
Please take care of yourself. Schedule a nice, hot bubblebath soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Last night, he ended up leaving the kitchen and going upstairs for a while. When he came downstairs, I was on my computer. He walked up behind me and asked what I was doing.
I told him I was looking up a movie to rent for the Xbox. He went back upstairs.
Before the movie started, S10 went upstairs and knocked on his door to ask if he wanted to watch it.
H said yes. But he fussed at S several times for making noise. They were sitting on a different sofa far, far from me, so I didn't know exactly what S was doing. It turns that S was sniffling. He has a cold.
Poor thing couldn't help sniffling. H is definitely irritable.
H went to the bathroom twice. The second time he went upstairs and was gone for about half an hour.
I don't know if I've mentioned this here or not. Last year in Oct H was diagnosed with prostatitis. He didn't tell me until Feb of this year. He took an antibiotic which I've read possibly has a side effect of depression.
He hasn't been back to the doctor for prostatitis, but I've noticed he takes cranberry pills and saw palmetto pills. And he spends lots of time in the bathroom as far as I can tell. He flushed the toilet upstairs pretty regularly when he's home.
This morning when H left he told me that he didn't know when he would be home because he had to deliver food again like on Wed.
I told him to be sure and take some cigars with him
Wish me luck. I am going to H boss's party tonight, and will be trying to put on an award winning performance of Acting as If. My keywords are Sparkly and Smiling.
My hair is cut and styled. I have a sweet outfit picked out. The pants show off my tight little yoga a$$ (love that phrase, tvs) Except that I don't do yoga. My derriere has always been one of my best assets, and walking an hour a day five days a week has not hurt
A little journaling: I had a great time at our cookie exchange Sunday. Later that day, we went to get the Christmas tree , and then out to eat at our favorite family restaurant.
H was 98 percent normal in his behavior to all of us. He laughed, he joked, he ate. He bought his usual mistletoe at the Christmas tree lot.
I hung it up in the usual place.
I'm not expecting a kiss, though.
Between our 20th anniversary last week and the Christmas tree expedition, he must be worn out. When he has been home, which has been early Mon and yesterday, he has been upstairs in the cave.
He did call S18 on Tuesday and ask if he wanted to go to a concert with a few different groups playing. S didn't want to go, because he said that said concert would mainly appeal to young teen girls.
But at least H asked. Seems he wants to bond.
S mentioned after that that he felt like he didn't know important guy things because Dad had never talked with him about it. The two things he mentioned were smoking cigars and football. H and family are into football, but the only reason my sons know anything about it is because of H dad.
Today, he walked downstairs and asked if I was going to the party. I said yes, was he going? He said that he had to go, especially since this is his boss's last party before retirement.
He said that he had to get a gift, so I offered to pick one up when I went to have my hair cut. He thanked me when I got back. Didn't mention a word about my hair.
Plans for the weekend: Taking the boys to see the Hobbit movie Saturday. I'm letting H know when we are going in case he wants to join us.
Good luck this evening! Knock them dead w/your beautiful self. But, most importantly, have fun!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi tvs, I did have a good time, and am glad I went. Thanks for the encouragement!
The party:
He calls down from the balcony at 5:30 that we can leave at 6:30. Of course, he is a few minutes late. He doesn’t compliment my hair or how I look. No surprise there.
Here is where it gets a little strange. First, the sheepskin seat covers for his car.
He asked me last week to wash them, as he said he had spilled coffee on them. I never saw a coffee stain, and they didn’t smell bad or anything. But I did wash them.
He asked last night if we can take my car because the seat covers will shed.
He seemed quite pi$$ed when I say no. I grab a lint roller and we leave.
If you remember the cigar incident last week, he didn’t want us using his car to go out to dinner on our anniversary because there was a food smell in the car. Which was not really food smell, but cigar smell.
On the way, he said he was not trying to be an a$$, but since I had black pants on, I would get fuzz on them. I guess he actually did notice that I was wearing a new outfit.
He checked my pants when we arrived and he said I had a little bit of fuzz on them, so I asked him to brush it off. He did.
The thing is—I didn’t have any fuzz on my pants. I’m sure it was BS.
Way back in September, I noticed that he went to an auto care place and vacuumed his car the day after I sat in it. I thought it was strange at the time because the car was pristine when I rode in it the day before. It always is.
Does he have OCD about me sitting in his car? It would go along with his fanatical laundry habit.
At the party, he was his normal self. From all I could see, he is functioning very well at work. He is a funny and smart guy. Just not at home.
A few things I found out from other people questioning him:
He spent all day yesterday working on his laptop in our bedroom.
His last day before he takes Christmas vacation is today.
Today he will have a VERY LONG day because he is wrapping up things before everyone is gone for the holidays.
I spent part of the party with him, and being introduced to new people, or reintroduced to people I hadn’t seen since last year.
I spent the rest of the party mingling and being sparkly and smiling. I ate delicious food. And I even managed a 180—drinking a glass of wine.
When we got home, he went upstairs, changed clothes, and of course, did laundry.
I chatted with the boys for a while and then put S10 to bed.
It didn’t take me long to fall asleep. That glass of wine knocked me out ☺
I'm glad you went and had a nice time. About the car...it brought back a very distant memory for me...my xh didn't want me riding in his vehicle either. I know my xh had a smoke smell in his vehicle too. He hadn't smoked in years and I know that no one I knew smoked, but when I got in it just before he left, it reeked of smoke. He claimed that one of the guys had sat in the vehicle. You know, I didn't buy it.
I think your h, if he is anything like mine, didn't want us sitting in their cars because they didn't want our "scent" in them. I know that sounds funny, but these mlcers are very strange individuals. Just like your h washing his own laundry. They really are off the wall.
Back to your night out...it appears that it was a success and you got to meet some new people in the process. I'm very happy that you went.
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I found this comment on another mlc forum and thought of you and your "OCD" h and his car.
"A lot of people here report that their spouse takes on many or all the cliches of a midlife crisis -- changing appearance even to the point of plastic surgery, excessively clean car, increased alcohol use or gambling or spending, sleep disturbances, a characteristic shark-eyed expression, abandoning almost everything from their previous life including their children and their possessions, and off-the-scale selfishness."
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
