Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Some progress after 2+ months of DBing

Glad you like it, FY. I'm usually a sucker for that booby prize.

H called just before supper to ask if he could go out for a drink with a couple of university friends. I said sure.

I actually hate it when he's out though. I know he will have had too much to eat and drink. Tomorrow night, he has a work Christmas party. Thursday night we're having a party for all S13's carers. He'll be in a foul mood by Friday (cranky and overtired). I'll have to be careful not to let myself get pulled into a fight.

I can't blame H for how I feel when he's out because I've always hated it--whoever I've been with. He couldn't care less if I go out (from what I can tell) but I get pretty caught up in worrying about what he's up to.

I'll read a bit on this board. That should help keep me on track.

Wendylon, I know what you mean. My H would stay up late nights in a row and then be all cranky when he was around me (not his friends!) So I didn't like it either. But I guess all we can do is let the person be, and then if they're cranky, stay out of their way...

That's a good reminder, Tori. I will plan to stay out of his way.

H is at a work party tonight. He phoned around 7 pm to touch base before going out. He was chatty.

I saw him earlier today at S13's school Xmas fair. I was there with lots of my family (sister and family, mother, carer..) and H arrived later separately and stayed on there for meetings. He seemed pleased to see us and introduced me to the new chair of governors. The last social event I went to this summer with H was the one where he didn't introduce me to POW and was really keen for me to leave and him to stay on.

I asked H if he could be the one to take S13 home tomorrow if S13 flags at our party for S13's carers. We've taken over the cafe where I have my daily chilli hot chocolates. He said that would be fine. I figure that he's been out the last couple of nights and I'm hardly ever out so I'd like to stay out longer if one of us has to go home. Since it's a party for the carers, we can't have any of them look after S13.

I was thinking that I should change my signature because I have the feeling that the EA has cooled down or run its course. He seems much more accountable for his time or maybe I'm just less focused on him. At any rate, I have no suspicion of an EA running at the moment so I'll reflect that in my signature (soon).

We've had no R talk in a while so I don't know what H is thinking now. The last R convo was about how we should wait until D15 graduates from school (2.5 yrs from now) and then assess whether or not we want to stay together. This was his idea.

This summer, H told me he'd written a poem about me (after a very difficult time when I think H thought that I was the WAS in response to his EA). I've yet to see it. I've mentioned a couple of times that I'd like to see it but he hasn't produced it. Should I ask again?

I'm still practicing my 180s as far as not saying anything that H could interpret as me being critical of him. He is convinced that I never think that he's getting things right or that he is up to scratch. I was tempted to ask him to put a jumper on S13 (he'd got him ready) this morning but figured S13 would be fine actually. If I really cared, I could get one for him myself. All those details add up and I think H has to have noticed that I'm less on his case. I haven't mentioned our financial sitch once since Dec 1st and I'm prepared for him not to have any spare ££ to put into joint account by Jan 1st. I'd be stupid to assume otherwise given his history.

Wendylon, I like your 180's. Keep track of them.

So the EA is over? I hope so! Time to change that signature.

In regard to some of your Qs/comments:
-2.5 years is a lot of time to apply DB, but keep at it, though. Time flies...
-Do not ask for the poem again. If he mentions it, then say you would love to read it--and never react negatively (even if the poem causes pain.)
-Focus on making him feel good about himself around you. You might be surprised when you start to see him change.

Good job, Wendylon!

So you're in the same home, your gut says his EA is dead, and he's giving the M 2 and a half years? How does it feel to be the the envy of the majority of the folks on the board?



Don't ask. But you guys seem to be getting along well enough that you could write him a poem, and see what happens! How do you see him receiving that? Just a thought.



Agreed!

Yes! You're doing great! He kissed you on the mouth! Way to go!

I think you're on the right track. Letting go of little things, focusing on not being critical. He is enjoying your company again. This is great! You ARE the envy of everyone on the board!

Wendy, sounds like you're doing great.

On the note of the "Poem" I know it's not the same but I wrote one to my cheating WAW if you'd like to read it :P
Maybe it'l hold you over till you get his.


You stole my heart,
I fell in love
Was this beautiful angel
Sent from above?

We got married,
but we walked no aisle
Now that hurts me
for quite a while.

Your daddy was a great man,
And your brothers too,
I'm sorry I was embarrassed
to be with them too

Till death do us part,
we softly spoke,
I meant the words,
it was no joke.

As time passed by,
little jojo came,
there was so much love
I felt no shame.

I had my struggles within,
I had demons inside
you were the light in my tunnel
In you, my salvation reside

The bad in me is better
Can you not see?
A better man for you,
is all I want to be.

So much is gone
between us and other,
Wasn't our love enough
To keep us together?

I was set in my ways
that no one wants,
Now I have to change,
Change you can count on

Tell your friends that I'm sorry,
Things I'd say and do
I never meant to hurt them.
Only from fear of losing you.

Now that you're gone
I see the truth,
I will never love anyone
as much as I love you.

Thank you very much, as always, Tori, FY and Regretful, and thank you, Dewayne, for stopping by and for your heart-felt poem. It is very touching and I hope that one day your WAS appreciates it. In the meantime, I will stop over on your thread.

I like being the envy of the board

It's nearly 6.30pm on Xmas eve and no sign of H. I'm feeling tense as most places are closed. He must be having a drink somewhere. Last year, I gave him a hard time for coming home late-ish on Xmas eve. This year, I won't.

We had extended family Xmas dinner last night and H did make dessert. He wasn't very pleased with how it came out but he did get the whole thing organised. I tried to validate.

I think I hear his car on the street. I may be back later. Merry Christmas to all of you!! Thank you for being such an incredibly supportive group of people. I couldn't DB without you. Hmm, maybe it's not him.

At the party we had on 20th of S13's carers, H looked a little as if he was caught up in his own thoughts. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Later he told me that he felt very lucky to be part of our family, to be with me and to have our children. He thanked me for organising it.

Yesterday, he was very keen to get a photo of S17, D15 and S13 together so he could send Xmas e-cards. So I have so say that he does seem pretty involved. I just wish he were home by now...

I'll probably check in later.

So he did make dessert! See? :-) What did he make, anyway? I just had a huge portion of chocolate bread pudding. I'm such a healthy eater, but today all rules are out.

Your H seems to be coming around, Wendylon! I hope he gets home soon. Remember to do the 180 and not give him a hard time. Good luck.

Thanks, Tori. He made a clafoutis.

He's still not back! It's v weird. I won't phone though as he never answers his phone at the best of times. I feel stressed. I'm wondering if there is a BD on the horizon...