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Hi Cadet,

Ok when you put it like that, it seems to me I am being very narrow in my thought process.

It should be MY decision what I do regardless of H, OW and a potential move. I am conflicted though because deep down I do not want us to be geographically separated. Yet it seems like I would just be setting myself up for more trauma.

But you are right. I need to stay still and let time bring the answer as I go along.

I was afraid of not being honest with H about my concerns. That perhaps it was unfair if he thinks that all is honkey dory and whatever he envisions for the future, we will be there no matter what. Yet, I suppose there is no need to rush this. So you don't think I should even ask him what he envisions? and then just listen? Or is that still too early? Would his words still be wrapped in fantasy?

Ruby, SS, Tori. You are right. This is a huge decision and I will take my time to really think it through. I like the idea of a pro and con list. I am going to start one and see where it takes me after awhile.

Ruby-I really don't know if I want to move back to Egypt to be honest! I need to think about that too. Thats pretty cool that you have friends there...another connection between us!

Tori-I do see this as another way for him to run. I agree. That was my first thought. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers :-)

SS-I will take a lot of time to think this one through. Thank you of your kind words.

I don't think you should talk to your H either about a move. You do not have to commit to anything at this time. Like Cadet said, doing nothing is doing something. Wait until everything is clear and there is no doubting or second guessing your decision.

Unfortunately you are not in a position to attach any conditions in regards to OW. It comes across as being manipulative. I realize that is not your intent. I'm afraid that you will be disappointed with the outcome.

KG

But I would recommend that you make this decision based on your reality right now. The reality that your H is not with you and doesn't indicate he wants to come back now. You cannot bank on moving there just to stay close to him in case there is a possible reconciliation.


YOu need to think of what is best for Busting and your kids only and leave your H out of the equation. As it is, his relationship with his kids now is already as if he lives in another country, even though he "lives" in Sudan...

You are right. I cannot make this decision based on anything but reality at the moment.

My brain is buzzing with scenarios I must say. I just got a glimpse of being able to be there divorced. It could be exciting.

This obviously means that I need to just let it all settle like you have all said, and let the answer come. I will keep throwing thoughts out and really dig deep to see what it is I can do. I think my initial thoughts were all based in fear. Fear of change..again. And I know that is not what we are supposed to be doing. Holding back out of fear.

Thank you for you post KG. So very thoughtful and detailed. :-) I will go back and reread it to absorb more.

Have you chosen not to go back to Mexico City so that your kids can stay close to H as well?

((((()))))

Busting, I see how everyone's posts have have helped. I agree that time is of essence. No need to bring up the topic but be prepared in case he wants to talk about it.

Thank you LITB for your post. I agree I am in no position to put any conditions on H regarding OW. I know its completely out of my hands.

I will not initiate a conversation about this with H.

Thanks again LITB.

I have a separate 'occurrence' that I noticed when I got back yesterday from my trip, last night.

As I was putting kids to bed they asked if daddy will still stay the night. I said no, I don't think so. But we will see him in the morning.

H was in the room when they asked and then my D said, mummy is it ok with you of daddy spends the night? And I said of course. Then H started laughing...like a know it all laughing. I didn't get that.

I know he doesn't want to stay here. So why is he laughing? To rub it in? I thought it very mean and frankly, out of character for him.

And on a side note-he did NOT show up for breakfast as he said he would.

Welcome back to reality!


HAPPY THOUGHTS!!

Just a guess and totally mind reading here, but he may not have known what to say or do.
So since he has on a mask hiding his true feelings he laughed.

They do appear to act mean, but IMHO dont take it personally.
Although it seems directed at you, in fact, you are just a casualty of war, getting hit by a bullet because you are in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It really has nothing to do with YOU, he is laughing at himself!

Busting-lots of great advice. I must say, the thought of moving somewhere new would be exciting to me as well. I had thought of teaching in different places, while H and I were still together with the idea of exploring different retirement sites etc. and I still like the idea of traveling.

Thing is, if you move to Dubai, it has to be with no expectation from H at all, and you are not at that place in your heart or mind yet.

Pros and Cons: Dubai and Sudan (and maybe Egypt) Jobs? Support system? Schools for kids? Activities for you? HOusing?

Busting, I was also thinking that it is important to consider your potential future in the location of your choice. Imagine yourself living there for years, making friends, engaging in activities, working, living your day-to-day life, and see how it feels.

I agree with Cadet that your H just didn't know what to say, so he laughed. But who knows. Only he does.