Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers In crisis -BIG MESS-help

Did my first visit and spent 3 hrs with son after 31/2 mths, deep contentment. Son is talking so many new things. Mostly texting her and updating things, maintaining respect, being happy and upbeat.

Holidays are tough times, thank god they are gone. I am emailing her and letting he know i am flexible interms of my position. I will visit him this weekend 2 days sat and sun.

I am also traveling and having a huge deal settled this week. I am working out regularly. She asked me for child support and sent account details, I send her via electronic transfer, she is not that techi and gets nervous.

She says rudely, I sent you the account details it's a court order and ur responsibility to put money in the account. I am not going to do any thing online. It's just that you link the accounts and I can make direct transfers. I did not want to prolong the volley.

I got little agitated and frustrated that she would just make a issue out of such a small thing but calmed my self, recognize her limitations and her state of mind.

Her emails don't have dear, thank you, stand offish and accusatory that i am not responsible

I said I will find other options and acknowledged her concerns and validated her on working online and said I will look for some other way to accomplish the task.

How do I find strength and patience and focus and balance whe she is so bitter and constantly still rude and trying to pick a fight. The negative pattern, it's nauseating,ugly and volcanic when she try's to argue and instigate a small thing. when will the season change.. I am working on very low expectation and oxygen so that i can last longer for any thing that migh come out our interactions.

It's getting better day by day, thanks ladybug, Bruce and advina

Happy new year to yo all, btw its Gandhi the founding father of India, not ghandi

Non violence was his stance which brought British empire to its knees and made India free. Isn't it ironic I am writing this now

Good grief I've been here how long? Thanks so much for pointing out my bad typo and allowing me to correct it.

happy new year to you too EI. I hope you enjoy lots of good time with your s, he is at a very cute age.

Sorry, I did typo on your name. I am working on improving my contribution.
No problem adinva...

can you put some light into my situation. The progress is slow and painfull. She is atleast regularly emailing me now. How do I frame my emails they are so much business like, mostly about co-parenting.

I wanted to make sure we have some common guidelines we follow. I also wanted her to communicate clearly and not have any hidden agenda or expectation,

i want her to verbalize as many things so that its clear and i dont need to read beteen the lines or decode a cryptic message when we have child care issues. Esp health, finances, naps and feeding.

Hey no problem EI if I can misspell the founding father of India you can misspell my screen name. It was a pretty funny misspelling as some of us here would attest, sorry, inside joke. I'm a wine drinker.

I think you will make progress if you reread your question and every single time you say "I want her to..." - change it. You cannot make her do anything. The more you try the less progress you'll make. You can't make her understand anything, think anything, communicate any way you prefer, or anything at all.

Deal only in what YOU can do. You be clear, you be business like, you be kind and compassionate and thoughtful and protect your own boundaries.

I think from what I've read here today you have a lot of insight into what you'd like to have done differently, and you have a very healthy amount of humility and vulnerability that to me is a very good sign that you will do well. Because as unfair as it might be, you are the only one you can work on.

You decide what you accept and you set boundaries to protect yourself. You must not allow someone to beat you with a trashcan. You must not let yourself be bothered with behind the scenes conniving and whispering. Just be a man that only a fool would leave. That's all you can do, and it's the best thing to do.

Thanks you for all the insights

Hi all happy new year, things have changed, she still doesnot want to talk even when we exchange our son. This is too early,it's my second visit.

She is responding to emails and text messages. I send her the child care money which she asked via email. I send money via email she gets little nevous about banking online. I just deposit money inthe account she sent.

She also gave me written schedule of our sons day which I asked in my email so that I won't interfere with his nap and feedings. She texts me to feed him dinner which I gladly did yesterday. We spent time playing and drawing.

She emailed me other day to get a truck and take my stuff. I will reply her and say I need bigger place which I am looking for now, then I will move my stuff soon.